Tuesday, October 10, 2006


OK, I've watched the new show Heroes for three weeks now. And I've got some questions, gripes & theories. (For those of you who haven't watched the episodes I'm going to reference - or the show at all - spoilers follow. Ye've been warned, matey!)

First - in the second episode, Matt the psychic cop finds the little girl because he can hear her thoughts. Using this new found ability, he locates her hiding in a closet under the stairs. He's then arrested WITHOUT A SHRED OF EVIDENCE!

Let's go over what the scene in the house: the mother was pinned to the handrail on the staircase like a butterfly in a bug exhibit. The father had his brain removed via the top of his head & was frozen solid. The FBI agent who arrested Matt even said herself that it'd take like three people to lift the mother up onto the handrail & impale her with about five knives. The cop was, I assume, with his partner all day &, I'm pretty sure, lacks the ability to FREEZE SOMEONE SOLID! I'd hate to be anywhere near someone getting so much as a speeding ticket in this universe - I'd probably be charged with the Lindbergh Baby kidnapping.

Next up, the scenes involving my personal favorite, Hiro the Japanese time/space bender. If I understand correctly, he has a comic book that shows everything that's going to happen (in that issue, at least) to him. Yet, everything that happens is always some big surprise to him. I dunno, if I had an inkling that I was holding a graphic novel about the upcoming events in my life, I think I'd read the whole thing. Even the adds for GRIT & Captain 'O' (kids, ask your parents). He keeps referring to it as he goes along. Is he unable to read ahead? Is it written as things happen? Is he just not that bright?

Take, f'rinstance, the event that he uses to convince his friend that he's not completely crazy. He looks in the comic & finds that they're supposed to save a little girl from being hit by a truck. it turns out that they inadvertently cause her to be put in danger by flagging the truck, which causes it to careen toward the girl. Now, granted, Hiro ends up stopping time & moving the girl out of the way, but I had to wonder, if he'd looked at the comic & saw that the girl was in danger, couldn't he have seen what caused it as well?

The in-show advertisement for the new Nissan Versa at the end of their piece was a little annoying, as well.

The part that had my little B-movie lovin' heart all a'pitterpatter involved Niki the stripper with the homicidal mirror self. In last week's episode, a cherry 50's type land yacht is left outside her house, with the title in her name (do you have any idea how long it takes to get the pink slip for your car? I'm supposed to believe that her murderous mirror image convinced the DMV to hurry the process along?) & the dead bodies of the two goons sent to collect some loan money from her. She's given a map (is there anything that Mirror Niki can't do?), drives off into the night to the Nevada desert & finds a shovel. She finds more bodies buried out there, apparently connected to her escaped convict husband. This I can accept.

What made me roll my eyes was the fact that not once, driving out there with the top down, making noise while digging & pulling the bodies out of the trunk of her car (not to mention the smell that those rotting corpses must've been cranking out) did her son, in the back seat, wake up. Judging by the fact that, by the time she finished, the sun was directly overhead, he's not only a very heavy sleeper, but also a very long sleeper. He conveniently wakes up just as she finishes.

Later, she's driving along some lonely desert highway when she's pulled over by a Nevada State Trooper. Turns out, he actually works for the loan shark who's after her. Now, how in the Sam Hill did they find her? First off, she's not driving her little Gremlin that she had in the first episode. Second, SHE'S IN THE MIDDLE OF FREAKIN' NOWHERE!!! How in the world did the goon/cop find her? Suspects get through police dragnets all the time & this guy, who I'm assuming may not even be a cop, finds her. Do you have any idea how much desert there is surrounding Las Vegas? Better yet, do the writers?

Finally, at the end of last night's episode (if you've Tivo'd or taped this to watch later, you'll probably want to skip down a paragraph or two). Super Cheerleader Claire's cranium is poked by a large stick, effectively shutting her down. As I had pretty much figured (c'mon, they're not going to off one of the main characters yet), once the stick was removed, she came back to life - only to find that she'd been autopsied.

(hangs head in disbelief)

Alright, I understand this was done to ratchet up the suspense &, more than likely, to show off the extent of her Wolverine-esque powers, but...Wha...? They autopsied her? She had a friggin' branch sticking out the back of her head - I'd say that cause of death was pretty frickin' obvious!

Then, there's the fact that she comes to about two seconds after the branch was removed (which, you'd think they would've removed earlier in the examination process). Did the coroner pull the stick out & then run out of the room? Shouldn't they have noticed her waking up mere seconds after the branchectomy?

This does, however, fit nicely into one of my theories. When you've watched enough bad movies, you learn a thing or two - there's weather in space; a surprising number of alien races look just like us; & the pituitary gland is the source of a lot of human mutations. Yes, the pituitary gland. The 'Master Gland'. Hit it with transmissions from space & raise the dead. Eat one & gain the powers of its previous owner. Yep, you read that right.

My theory, based on Claire's resurrection & Sylar's predilection for brains, is that everyone's powers are connected to their pituitary. Claire's was temporarily cut off from the rest of her body & when it was reconnected, voila!, everything was back to normal. Well, except for that whole autopsy thing. And Sylar seems to be opening people's heads like cans of tuna & making off with their grey matter.

C'mon, people - it all adds up!

Anyway, contrary to what the above rantings may imply, I'm actually digging this show.It's moving along at a nice clip, keeping me interested without giving too much away (hellooo, creators of Lost? Are you paying attention here?). Apart from the completely boneheaded things that I've written about here, it's a good show that's kept me coming back for the past three weeks, even though I'd much rather be playing Civ IV (ask T - that really does say something).

Here's to hoping they don't run out of steam too quickly, though.