Tuesday, September 30, 2003


Well, here we are, in the home stretch to seeing T. I haven’t been nervous about it at all…until now. I know it’s irrational, that everything’s going to be fine. I know that we’re going to see each other for the first time & it’ll be…magic. But, from now until Thursday afternoon, the butterflies have taken up residence & are apparently holding an Ultimate Fighting Tournament in my stomach.

Lousy butterflies.

Friday, September 26, 2003

The Amazing Shark Boy

Yet another partner in email silliness & bad movie watching has started a site. Mainly to poke fun at Kevin's site, I think. Anyway, give Tim a looksee. He likes Depeche Mode.

A lot.

& ironing.

Hates sharks, though.

I've said it before & I'll say it again, I need more exciting friends.
Licenses & Shock Collars

One of the many glamorous duties that Blonde In The Corner, Irene & myself share here at the Company is to match up software licenses with the orders that print out. Sometimes, those licenses get forgotten, resulting in a mad dash to retrieve the delivery document before it disappears out on the picking floor. Irene suggested attaching a hammer to the license printer (which sits closest to her) so that when a license prints out, the hammer would hit her on the head (lightly, I’m sure), reminding her to get the license. My suggestion was to fit her with a shock collar that would give her a mildly unpleasant shock (initially) to remind her to get the license.

She wasn’t as keen on the idea as I was. Drat.

That got me to thinking, which led to the following list.

Submitted for your approval –

People Who Should Be Fitted With A Shock Collar

Telemarketers: just in case the Do Not Call list gets nixed. Again.

The judges that nixed the Do Not Call list:every time a telemarketer calls you, the judge can be “reminded” that we don’t want these calls.

The Company’s entire Customer Service department: so that every time they screw up an order & ask me to cancel it five minutes after I’ve processed it, I can “correct” them. I might “correct” them just for the fun of it.

Girls/women who think that midriff baring shirts meant for a size 4 look good on a size 27: because there are some things that should not be shared with the rest of the world.

Girls/women who wear low-rise jeans & a thong: see above.

People who drive slow in front of me through the Canyon: c’mon…you knew that slow drivers would be mentioned somewhere on the list.

People who say “aks”, “prolly”, “expresso”, etc.: The batteries on the collar would wear out in minutes from all the use.

People who write lists of rants about people who bug them: *fzzzzzzzzzp*

Thursday, September 25, 2003

Fun With Emails

Sometimes, there is just way too much spare time:

From: Jay
Sent: Thursday, September 25, 2003 12:55 PM
To: Tim; Kevin
Subject: FW: Cafe' Closing @ 2

REMINDER: The Cafe' will be closing Friday, September 26th @ 2:00 p.m. in
preparation for the public flogging of Kevin Schumm starting @ 5:00 p.m.

Wow...I had no idea this party was for you, Kevin. What did you do?


-----Original Message-----
From: Kevin
Sent: Thursday, September 25, 2003 12:57 PM
To: Jay; Tim
Subject: RE: Cafe' Closing @ 2

I sent a strip-o-gram to Jack’s office.

How far did you get Tim?


-----Original Message-----
From: Jay
Sent: Thursday, September 25, 2003 12:58 PM
To: Kevin; Tim
Subject: RE: Cafe' Closing @ 2

"Ha-a-a-ppy Bi-i-i-i-irthday, Mis-ter D..."

Company Block Party

The Company used to have “Holiday” parties (conveniently named & timed so as not to offend any non-Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Voodoo Day celebrants). Now we have the annual “Block Party” instead. Feels like a bit of a gyp to me. Oh well, at least I had the pleasure of seeing the owner of the Company dance with a bunch of can-can girls.
Seven days…

Seven days. Seven days.

No, this post has nothing to do with killer videotapes or ominous phone calls from dead little girls.

At this time (11a or so) in seven days, I will be on a plane (actually, probably on a layover) on my way to see T. We talked about this three months ago. Seems to have taken forever to get here, but, here it is. Seven days…one hundred sixty-eight hours…ten thousand eighty minutes…six hundred four thousand eight hundred seconds…OK, I think you get the point.

Friday, September 19, 2003


Figured I'd get my pirate-y talk in before the end of Talk Like A Pirate Day.

Shiver me timbers & all that rot.
Blogging in 11 ½ easy steps

I think the 9/11 post drained my creativity. I haven’t been able to think of anything terribly interesting to write about. Now I know why so many blogs tank after 6 months. This is hard work. Oh, I know I make it look so easy, but, believe you me, a lot goes on before a post is created. Here, loyal readers, is a rundown of the creation of a blog post.

Step 1 – Get to work
Work is where I do most of my writing. Gotta do something to look busy. Besides, writing letters to celebrities & signing Kevin & Tim’s names to them only takes up a small part of my day.

Step 2 – Think up something witty & amusing or deep & thought-provoking
Easier said than done. Checking the day’s headlines helps, but then you end up becoming an editorial site. Writing about personal experiences can get…well…personal. The easiest topic? Retarded drivers. There’s an abundance of them out there, so they’re easy pickins’ for being written about.

Step 3 – Start writing
Because, y’know, it makes it easier to read when there are actual letters on the page.

Step 4 - In a pinch – link
OK, technically, this isn’t a step. Think of it as a helpful hint. Links help take the pressure of actually writing something interesting off of you. Why cramp your own brain when you can get Angle-Grinder Man or the folks at the Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie site to entertain readers for you?

Step 4.5 – Reprint old post
Again, a helpful hint.

Step 4.5 – Reprint old post
Again, a helpful hint.


Step 5 – Proofread
It’s not that hard, people. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen “your” instead of “you’re” & the various spellings of “there” used incorrectly. C’mon – it’s not that hard to check for spelling erors…errors. !@#$

Step 6 – Upload post to your site
Copy. Paste. Swear under your breath when you accidentally release the left mouse button before you finish highlighting the text. Copy. Paste. Swear a little more when you find that you still only copied half of the text. Copy. Paste. Vow to hunt down the person responsible for making your mouse & strangle them with the cable. COPY. PASTE. Swear out loud when the computer locks up or your connection gets dropped. Write manifesto about how technology is the devil’s tool & move to 6x10 cabin in Montana. Sell all possessions; invest in hooded sweat jackets & Aviator sunglasses.

Step 7 – Come to your senses, move back to civilization & try to get possessions back from opportunistic “friends”

Step 8 – Test your page before publishing it
There’s nothing quite as irritating as finding out that your font is unreadable or that the graphics you included are all blank windows with little x’s.

Unless your pictures were of little x’s in the first place.

Step 8 – Publish that puppy!
There’s a certain bit of self-satisfaction when you see your thoughts put out there for the world to see.

Until you notice that you spelled “the” as “teh.”

Step 9 – Edit mistakes that you thought you had fixed the first time around

Step 10 – Re-publish
Close your eyes & hope for the best.

If successful, pat yourself on the back for a job well done.

If not, bang head repeatedly against desk until desired level of unconsciousness is reached. Proceed to Step 11.

Step 11 –Regain consciousness, flip computer the "Double Deuce” & go watch TV
If you are the drinking type, drink heavily. If you are not, consider taking up heavy drinking.

There you have it. Blogging in 11 ½ easy steps. See? It’s not all that hard.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a manifesto to finish up.

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

Just when I think I’ve seen it all on the web…

Britain’s own superhero Angle-Grinder Man

*shaking head in disbelief*

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

Kevin Schumm Rules!

Check out Kevin as he goes throughout his day, drinking coffee &…uh…drinking more coffee.

I need more exciting friends. Or less caffeinated ones.

Thursday, September 11, 2003

Words fail…

I’ve been trying to write something thoughtful & meaningful about today. Something to honor those lost in the most cowardly act ever directed toward our home. I want to write something about the strength & courage of those left behind to deal with the loss & hurt & pain.

But, words fail me.

I’m still trying to filter this all through myself. It’s been two years. Two years & I still can’t get my mind around it. I understand the physical part of what happened. I just can’t get fathom the why. How can people hate so much? How can people be filled with so much anger at other people that they’d do something so horrible? Maybe I’ll never get an answer to those questions.

I didn’t want to make this into something about me, but I guess I need to get it out. Talking always helps, but apparently, everyone is too busy trying to ignore the significance of the day. There were only a couple channels carrying coverage of the ceremonies. The station that I listen to was too busy running its pledge drive to make notice of the day. I find it sad & pathetic that - oh boy! - we’ll get to see “Friends” but a show about 9/11 is relegated to a half hour between “Scrubs” & “ER.”

Meh. Never watch much TV anyway.

This may take a bit, so I ask that you bear with me.

I’ve read other sites & journals from people who were either there or knew people who were in the area. I know people who know others who lost loved ones. The events of two years ago didn’t affect me personally. I was fortunate that all of those I love (& those that I would come to love) were all safe. But, they affected me nonetheless. I remember waking up & turning on the radio to hear the DJ talking about two planes crashing (the first to hit the Towers & the Pentagon). I remember the disoriented feeling as I was trying to comprehend what I was seeing on TV. I can remember my mom calling & hearing the panic in her voice. I remember hearing Peter Jennings talking with an engineer who was there, speculating about what had occurred. I remember the Tower coming down & the engineer saying, “The Tower’s collapsing!” to which Mr. Jennings said something to the effect of “With all the smoke & debris falling it makes it look like that...” & the engineer coming back with “No – the Tower is falling!” I think Pete was having as hard of a time as the rest of us comprehending what was going on.

We spent all day at work, listening to the reports on the radio & watching streaming reports online. I felt numb. I didn’t know how to respond. I couldn’t think straight or concentrate on my work. We all contacted our customers that were in the areas that were hit to make sure everyone was OK. We waited for word of more attacks. We heard all of the rumors of other planes still out there & that some were unaccounted for. My office at that time was above a county office, which had been evacuated. In typical Company tradition, we were still there.

I wanted my son with me. I wanted to hold him & assure him that things were alright & to protect him. &, I suppose, get a little reassurance from him, knowing that that little part of my life was safe. He was afraid of planes for awhile. He knew that the planes had been grounded & told me that if I saw a plane flying at me to run toward it in an attempt to get out of the possible crash site. I tried to protect him from seeing too much. A week later, his mother & I attended his school’s open house. It was the day that the flight ban had been lifted. I remember us walking up to the school & hearing a plane…& stopping, looking for the plane in the sky. It had been a week since anyone had heard noise other than birds coming from the sky. & for the first time in my life, it was a sound that made me uneasy. Another parent walked by & jokingly said, “What’s the matter? Haven’t you ever seen a plane before?” To this day, when I hear a plane going overhead & it reverses its engines or if I see a plane that isn’t following one of the normal flight paths, I get nervous.

Here I am, two years later. I’m watching the images (the few that are being shown on TV). I still don’t understand the why’s of it all. I don’t think I ever will. I guess the important thing is that I never forget. That none of us ever forget. It’s important to talk about it. It’s important to keep it fresh in our minds.

9/11 can’t just be a day. It can’t be a moment of silence & then back to the grind. It has to be a daily thing. & no, I don’t mean the destruction. I mean the unity that we had for a time after it happened. We need to think of others. We need to work together.

We need to remember our loved ones. Tell them that we love them. Hug them. Hold them. Don’t take them for granted.

Most of all, though, we can never forget.

9/11 StoriesVoices

Sunday, September 07, 2003


As you can see, there have been a few changes in my little corner of the web. Thanks to T for help with the colors (if it's not black or flannel, I'm at a loss for mixing colors). I'm still trying to crack the sidebar font color code & after I figure that out, I need to transfer all of the changes to the archive pages. Boring stuff, to be sure, but I'm enjoying the challenge.

Take a nap. I'll wake you when I'm done.

Saturday, September 06, 2003


I talked to the Boy shortly after my last post about my relationship with T. He seems alright with it & wants to meet her. As he put it, he wants “to know everyone in my life.” He amazes me with how much he processes things. He said that he understood that I was trying to keep another incident like the last relationship from happening so he wouldn’t get hurt. He wanted to know when she's coming out here. He asked if we were going to get married & I told him it was a possibility. He wanted to know where any future siblings would live. Many questions from my little one.

He was really quiet afterward. I don’t know if maybe he was still holding out hope for the ex & I to get back together. I’ve told him before that it just wasn’t going to happen. I know that he wants a normal family with both the mom & dad at home. I want that for him. & for me.

I always wanted to have my own family like the one I grew up with (even though my little sister drove my nuts). I remember coming home after school & watching cartoons or playing outside. My dad would come home shortly after that & we were all together. We’d have dinner together & talk. & even if I went & hid in my room for the evening, I knew that right on the other side of the wall were two people who cared for me & loved me. I felt safe & secure. I want my son to feel that same security.

When Dad passed away, that security was shaken. Even though I was already out of the house, the security just didn't seem to be there. Mom did her best with my sister, who became a handful, but I think that Dad being gone was a bigger loss than we realized. He was really the only father my sister had known. He was my mentor, teaching me how to work on the car & change tires & how to fix things around the house. He helped feed my natural knack for understanding machines & how things worked. & he taught me how to be a good person & treat others with respect. I want to be my son's teacher & show him how to be a good man.

He was the rock in our family. Even though he was my stepfather, he never made my sister or me feel like we were anything other than his own children. Many of my friends didn’t even know that he wasn’t my real father until I mentioned it after he passed on. He loved us as his own. I’ve tried to model the father that I am after him. I probably haven’t done near the job that he did, but, even if I turn out to be half as good of a father as he was, I’ll be doing pretty good.

Thursday, September 04, 2003

From the mouths of babes…

Well, it seems that the jig is up. A couple days ago, T (aka my Baby :) ) called while the Boy was home. He asked who I was talking to & I told him it was a friend (I haven’t told him about T yet. The ending [both times] of my last relationship was hard on him. He didn’t understand why we couldn’t go see the ex-gf & I couldn’t find the right way to explain it to him.). He didn’t buy it this time. As we were getting his school bag together, he said “I think you have a girlfriend.” I asked him what made him think that. That’s when he clammed up. He said that he couldn’t tell me because he’d get in trouble from his mom for telling. I hate it when she puts pressure on him by making him keep secrets. It’s too hard on him. He wants to be loyal to the both of us & doesn’t want to betray any trust that we put in him.

So, only after I promised that I wouldn’t say anything to the ex, he told me that his mom figured that I was probably seeing someone. So, I promised him that the next time he was with me I’d tell him all about T & I. Which will be good. I want to be able to share this wonderful blessing that I have with him, even though she’s a few hundred miles away.

Besides, later on down the road he’ll probably start wondering who this woman is that's always at our place. Better to tell him now than later.

Tuesday, September 02, 2003


My brain's too mushy to think of anything witty & charming to write. I had started writing something insightful last night about the end of summer & school starting & all that, but my computer decided it didn't like it as much as I did & made the executive decision to delete the post by crashing. I did dream that I went back to school last night, though. It started out fairly normal & then turned into Smallville meets 90210. Disturbing.

I really shouldn't try to write right after I wake up.

Oh, &, welcome back to the grind, Babe :D