Sunday, March 23, 2008

He has risen!

Mark 16:1-6

1When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices so that they might go to anoint Jesus' body. 2Very early on the first day of the week, just after sunrise, they were on their way to the tomb 3and they asked each other, "Who will roll the stone away from the entrance of the tomb?"

4But when they looked up, they saw that the stone, which was very large, had been rolled away. 5As they entered the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe sitting on the right side, and they were alarmed.

6"Don't be alarmed," he said. "You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

An Idle Mind Is The Devil’s Playground

And, boy, was my mind idle when I thought this up!

T’s got a class reunion coming up this summer, which she’d like me to go to; I think mainly so that she can prove to people that I’m not her imaginary husband. Not being the most social of people or very comfortable in strange places with crowds of strange people, I started thinking of a way that I could have at least a little fun with the situation.

I decided to come up with a list of jobs that I’d tell different people when I’m inevitably cornered & forced to play ’20 Questions’ by some inebriated stranger & T’s out of earshot not around to run interference.

Feel free to use any of these at your next awkward social gathering.

Fighter Pilot
Inventor of the .mp3 file format
Llama farmer
Inland Empire NAACP chapter president (remember, I’ll be in the South)
Midget pr0n director
Sea Monkey breeder
Kiefer Sutherland’s stunt double
One of the Oceanic Six
Ghost hunter
Shipping clerk
Chunk’ in ‘Goonies: The Musical’
CEO of a company that pulls nails from old boards, straightens them out & resells them
Medicine expiration date tester
Inland Empire GLAAD chapter president (again, I’ll be in the South)
An Ewok in Return of the Jedi
The actor who plays ‘Jack’ in the Jack in the Box commercials
Professional chin model
Clone War reenacter
Topiary maintenance manager at Neverland Ranch
Geneticist developing the world’s first long-tailed hamster
The ad executive who came up with the ‘Head-On’ advertisement campaign
Ninth row, second from the left clone trooper in scene #732 of ‘Revenge of the Sith’
Inland Empire Communist Party chapter president (geez, am I trying to get myself killed?)
The actor who played ‘Cousin Oliver’ on ‘The Brady Bunch’
A time traveling soldier from the future trying to save T from an unstoppable killer cyborg masquerading as a state governor
The last actor to play the ‘Hamburglar’ in a McDonald’s commercial
The body double for all of the ‘Before’ pictures in weight loss ads
A witty, popular & influential Blogger