Saturday, March 12, 2005

Further Proof That I Will Eat Just About Anything


He Hasn't Written Anything For Two Weeks & This Is The Best He Came Up With?

Today's example: O'Brien's Premium Hickory Smoked Beef Sticks

There slogan: "Taste the Magic," apparently being said by the leprechaun off to the right, holding what looks to be a rather large, disembodied...y'know. The drawing's reeeeally tiny, so it's hard to tell, but it really does look like he's holding the aftermath of a Bobbittization. (Really - how sad is it that a man's biggest claim to fame is that his unfortunate run-in with his angry wife & a kitchen knife coined a new term?)

The product's big claim? The one that they put in a big yellow starburst caption bubble?


That is such a relief. Now the only thing I have to worry about killing me is the various pieces of meat & mystery oil used to make this.

Nutrition information? We don' need no steeenking nutrition information! But, if you really, really want to know how fast this thing's gonna kill you, you'll have to write to the good people at O'Brien's in Bellevue, NE, where the art of Irish beef stick making is still going strong. I guess with the picture of the leprechaun & his...uh...y'know...there wasn't any space left for the manufactuer to write "Nutrition Facts: Nutrition facts? HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!" all over the wrapper.

The really sad thing about these, though? Unlike the squeeze cheese, tofu & potted meat product that I have inflicted upon subjected treated myself to in the past, I actually like these things. If I had the money (& the number to a good heart surgeon), I'd buy all of them from the vending machine. Despite being a supposed meat product in a suspicious, viscous mystery fluid, they're actually really good. I mean, they look like oily cigars. Or preserved fingers. But they're just. So. Good.

Man, those Irish really know their way around meat by-products!