Friday, January 28, 2005

It's A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood

I have neighbors. Living in an apartment complex, that's to be expected. They are surprisingly quiet neighbors. I hear the most minimal of TV/stereo noise coming from them, which is quite the nice change from the ones that I had a couple years ago. It was a man & his twenty-one year old son. The man worked until about two in the morning. His son, on the other hand, had parties every night, consisting of loud noise, cigarettes & people yelling & swearing at each other. That was finally taken care of with a few phone calls from around the complex.

The two sets of neighbors that I share walls with now are fairly courteous &, as mentioned before, quiet. My only complaint with the next door neighbor is that he smokes. And, of course, this isn't done in his apartment, oh no. Wouldn't want to go stinking up his place. Instead, he would rather sit on his patio & let the smoke waft into our unit. I think my going to the back door & saying, rather loud, "Great! Gorgo the Smogmonster is smoking on the porch again!" before I slam the door shut has started getting the point across. I haven't noticed the smell as much.

My downstairs neighbors, they being the ones with the affinity for curry, are quiet as well. I don't see the parents around much, so I kinda suspect that they got the apartment for their two sons & stay from time to time to keep up appearances. The kids are quiet, though, & I've only had to ask them once to turn down the music. The thing that drives me nuts with them (besides the stench of curry always coming up through the floor) has to do with the plumbing in our apartments. You see, when they turn on their bath, it sounds like freakin' Niagra Falls in our bedroom. The good news is that they turn on the shower almost immediately, which is much quieter (unlike the previous neighbors, who would leave the water running to warm up for a few minutes before the got into the shower). The bad new is -

These people take approximately fifty-seven showers a day.

I'm not kidding.

They shower in the morning. They shower in the early afternoon. They shower in the midafternoon. They shower in the early evening & then again later in the evening. Then, just to make sure they didn't miss anything, I guess, they shower again at night. And then again just after midnight. And let's not forget all of the midmorning, mid-midmorning, preafternoon, pre-midafternoon, post-pre-midafternoon, five minutes 'til evening, preevening, post-preevening, pre-post-preevening, prenight, post-prenight, it's-10 o'clock-&-I-haven't-taken-a-shower-in-the-past-five-minutes, premidnight, post-pre-post-pre-two-minutes-to-midnight & the ah-what-the-heck-let's-take-one-more showers taken inbetween. When the whole family's home, there's four of them doing this bathing routine.

I don't know if they figure that since the water is paid for by the complex they'll stock up on showers or what. Maybe they're amphibious aliens who absorb water through their skin. I dunno. But they have got to be the cleanest people I've ever met. They freakin' squeak when they walk by.

And despite all of the scrub-a-dub-dubbing, they still smell like curry.

Thursday, January 27, 2005


It is really hard to type once the Vicodin kicks in.

More to come later. Right mow now (See what I mean?), my arms feel like they weigh a ton. It makes for difficult typing.
"Just relax & you won't feel a thing...

until I jam this down your throat!" - Dr. Nick Riviera, The Simpsons

Yup. Today's the day. I'm going to the dentist (who sort of reminds me of Dr. Nick, if he were a short Indian/Pakistani man) to get the ol' wisdom teefs yanked.

I'm sure you can imagine my excitement.

I was told to come in on a semi-full stomach. I'm thinking, though, that with the hairtrigger gag reflex that I was blessed with, that may not be a good idea. Oh well. I'll be relaxing, having nitrous induced hallucinations, so I don't think I'll really be too worried about it at the time.

I'll try to post all the gory details later. I may be trying to write through a painkiller cloud, but, I will try nonetheless.

Goodbye, wisdom teefs. I've enjoyed the many years of food chewing service that you've provided me. You will be missed.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Ooo-ooo, That Smell...

There is a weird, funky smell about the casa. A weird, funky smell that neither T nor The Boy can seem to smell. It smells like someone held a belching contest in the hallway (I know of such things from high school). I'm beginning to wonder if I'm losing my senses, starting with smell.

Or perhaps it's the curry factory that my downstairs neighbors have set up. Seriously, people - how much freakin' curry do you need to cook with?
Happy 5150th, Mr. Van Halen

Eddie Van Halen turned 50 today.

Cripes, I'm getting old.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Go Me!

It's only taken twenty-five days for me to stop typing 2004 on my documents.

I so rock!

(It was a slow day at work)
It's Not All Bad, Though...

Even though I'll probably not be in the best of spirits or feel much like hitting any all-you-can-eat buffets for a few days after the extractions, I do have on hand a dozen new cheesy movie DVD's that I bought last weekend. They can only get better once I pop a few painkillers!

Although, watching movies about a giant flying turtle or people dressed as starfish-shaped cloth aliens (I kid you not) might be a little much for my drug-addled brain. Better take it easy.

Monday, January 24, 2005


I have an appointment to have my wisdom teeth removed this Thursday. It's something that I've put off since, oh...about 1992. I've used many excuses to get out of the procedure (heart murmur, allergic to retarded amounts of pain, just not up for a self-inflicted torture session, etc). But, one of the teeth has a cavity, so I guess I can't put it off any longer.

I'm thinking that my body is trying to tell me something along the lines of "Look, either get these things pulled or I'll start disolving them on my own."

Little does my body know that I'm probably not going to feel like eating for a couple days. Take that, gastrointestinal system!

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Hey Nineteen

I saw this over at Amy's & decided to give it a whirl. I think it explains a bit about me.

You Are 19 Years Old


Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

Friday, January 14, 2005

Happy Birthday, Amy!

Many cookies will be consumed in honor of your day!
Further Proof That The Gene Pool Needs Some Chlorine

Another email from work (collect 'em all, kiddies!)

From: XXXX
Sent: Friday, January 14, 2005 12:05 PM
To: Jay
Subject: Shipping Question

Hello Jay,

Can we ship economy surface to Hawaii? I received a web order that is cc prepaid and I thought I would ask. It's only $3.12 is that right?

I almost responded with "No, there is no surface delivery to Hawaii. It's too hard to keep the trucks from sinking into the water." head a splode...

The Music Meme

I was invited to do this by ETS. And who am I to turn down a musically themed invite, eh?

1. What is the total amount of music files on your computer?
994. I ripped most of those from CD's that I sold (it was either have some rockin' discs or put gas in the car)

2. The cd you last bought is:
I bought the following as Christmas gifts:
Toby Mac - Welcome To Diverse City
Switchfoot - The Beautiful Letdown
Maroon 5 - Songs About Jane

3. What is the song you last listened to before reading this message?
U2 - Trying To Throw Your Arms Around The World

4. Write down 5 6 songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you:
This is a hard one. Lessee...

Randy Travis - Forever & Ever Amen Probably the only song that I can decently sing to T. It's a simple song, but it expresses so much.

Eva Cassidy - At Last & Anniversary Song - More songs for my wife, who turned me on to Eva Cassidy. We played her rendition of At Last at our wedding. And the last verse of Anniversary Song is a perfect picture of how I'd love to end every day with her. (Awww!)

Don Henley - The Boys Of Summer - My all-time favorite song. To me, the song creates a certain atmosphere that I can't really explain. It reminds me of a time not so long ago & of people that have passed through my life.

Pink Floyd - Dark Side Of The Moon - I know, this is an entire album, but I do love it so & I can't listen to just one song when I pop it in the player. To me, it sounds like what a slow decent into insanity would sound like. It's dark & cold (much like the dark side of the moon...hmm). But, it's also warm & comforting. One of the most perfect albums ever made.

Grant Lee Buffalo - The Shallow End - An awesome song. Laid back, delicate sounding - perfect for a candlelit night.

5. Who are you going to pass this stick to? (3 persons) and why?
Well, since the only other people that I have any contact with in the Blogsphere already have posted this on their sites, I guess the stick is stopping here. Unless any of you lurking Loyal Readers want to run with this. Feel free to.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Interactive Blogging, I've been thinking of an idea for a little bit of interaction between me, your witty, strikingly handsome & oh so terribly modest host & you, my dear Loyal Readers (who I'm sure are witty, striking & modest - just not as much as me). What follows is a part of a story. From this story, you who have sites (& of course, those of you who choose to participate) will continue the story, leaving a link to your contribution in the comments section of the site that you're continuing from & a link back in your post to MLCotW (or whatever site you might have found the previous story fragment at). Those who don't have sites can join in on the fun by sending your story fragment to me. Oh, &...

We're going to be writing it backwards. Meaning, I'm going to kick this thing off from the end of the story & you will be adding the paragraph/section/chapter before it. And anyone who links to your site will be contributing the part previous to that.

Have I thoroughly confused you yet? Good. All I ask, as far as any kind of rules go, is that we maintain a fair modecum of class with this venture. I realize that you can write whatever you want on your individual sites, but we're not writing a Harlequin Romance novel here. And, I'll try to put all of the various strings together in a post here (with kudos applied where due), but, this being my site, I will reserve the right to edit as I see fit anything that will be written here. If you're not sure, ask yourself "What Would Jay Do?".

Any questions? Good.

Off we go...

Jason woke the next morning - or maybe it was the afternoon. It could've been next week, for all he knew. He was sure of one thing, though - he felt like he'd just gone twelve rounds with a rabid Mike Tyson & lost. Badly.

He tried getting up out of bed, but found that his feet were tangled up in the sheets. He rolled out of the bed, hitting the hard, unforgiving wooden floor with a thud. After he freed his feet from their binding, he groped around the clothing scattered across the floor. He found his favorite shirt, the bright yellow one bearing the likeness of a chupacabra with the words "Chupa This!" emblazoned in red, three inch high letters across the chest. Why (or where) he purchased this fashion mistake, he couldn't remember. Even stranger than the fact that he owned such an atrocity was the fact that, even though he "knew" this was his favorite shirt, he was sure he'd never seen it before.

Making his way into the kitchen for a bowl of cereal, he stopped to pet the dog. The friendly little beagle wagged her tail, obviously anticipating a full bowl herself. It occured to him, while tending to the dog, that he couldn't remember ever actually owning a dog. He knew this dog - recognized it as "his." But, he could swear that he'd never seen the dog before this morning.

Puzzled by these weird, deja vu-ish feelings, he went to the cabinet to get a cup. "Maybe a bit of caffiene is all I need," he thought. Opening the cabinet, he instinctively reached for a cup shaped like a cow. Black & white, four legs, its tail curved into a handle, even an udder on the bottom of it. It showed signs of many years of use - chips along the rim, paint worn off. He examined the cup, "knowing" that this was his favorite cup, but couldn't recall seeing it before then.

"Lousy short-term memory...," he mumbled. "I've gotta start writing stuff down."

Seeing the notepad on the dining table, he started flipping through the pages.

"Seems I've been pretty busy lately."

Monday, January 10, 2005

Fat, Stupid Customses

I received this email at work today. Apparently, Gollum works for one of our distributors:

Dear XXXX:
We have already received the package & DHL has been paid. It was an error of the customses of Ecuador.

Customses wants the Precious for themselves. Nasty, stupid customses!
Rainy Days & Mondays

It has been raining here, everyday, for about four thousand, seven hundred & twenty days straight. Everywhere...everything...everybody is sopping wet. I can feel a bout of Seasonal Affective Depression coming on, I've forgotten what the sun looks like & I'm starting to get ricketts.

And they say more is on the way tonight & tomorrow, which I find impossible because there couldn't possibly be any more water left in the atmosphere. How do I know this, you ask?

Because I've absorbed it all into my shoes from all of the puddles I keep stepping in!

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

One Down

I'm thinking that having slices of a Hickory Farms beef stick covered with mozzarella cheese for dinner is not the best way to keep my one resolution for the year.

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Because You Asked For It

Well, more because I finally got around to it. Here it is, Loyal Readers -

The Hollywood Geekout Picture

I so wanted to keep that blaster!

Hello. My name is Jay & I'm a geek.
Hello, 2005!

Good day & welcome to 2005 at MLCotW!

This past year has been one of much change, adjustment & growth. As 2004 began, T & I were still in different timezones (I'm sure she got tired of me asking her what the future was like, but she never let on. Such a good wife!). She moved out of her apartment & back into the familiar walls of her childhood home in February. Moving back in with your parents after being on your own for the past fifteen years is indeed a strange adjustment, as T found out. They all survived, though, and it gave them a few months to spend together before -

The Wedding

It was a beautiful, perfect labor of love. It was everything a wedding should be. To all of our beloved friends and family who helped with the festivities - thank you and bless you. Without you, well, we would still be married…but the journey there would not have been so memorable.

After a short honeymoon in Hot Springs, the less pleasant (but memorable, nonetheless) journey to California in a U-Haul with T's car in tow began. A thousand-plus miles, six new u-haul tires, one new car tire, one very questionable motel, more k-rails than we ever knew existed, an unfortunate right turn in a parking lot & subsequent drive through a field & enough gasoline bought to theoretically travel to the moon and back - we arrived home.

That was 8 months ago & we are still in a state of transition. Leaving home was harder than T had ever imagined it would be. However, she has resolved to look at California as one big adventure. It's strange for her to be so close to so many famous places and points of interest (some of which has been new to me, too). We’ve already discovered the breathtaking beauty of Santa Barbara, the eccentric streets of Hollyweird, the sunset on the Santa Monica pier, and the hills of San Diego. Unfortunately, we’ve also discovered the indescribable poverty of Tijuana, the equally foul-smelling Rosarito, and the daily mayhem of the parking lot we so lovingly call the freeways of California. She's added a few new California words to her lexicon: smog (aka chewable air), CRV (a tax they put on every canned or bottled drink to "encourage" recycling), swamp cooler (something that few from the South have ever heard of, much less have any use for), & probably the most famous of words known to native Cali's - no, not "face-lift" - EARTHQUAKE! T's also getting used to the ridiculously high cost of living out here. Slowly. Baby steps, Loyal Readers, baby steps.

The Insta-Family (Just add water!) that we've become has been both a challenge and a blessing. The Boy's a wonderful child, but like every other ten year old to ever walk the earth, he has his moments. We simply can't wait for the teen years to arrive. No, really, we just can', nevermind. Even I can't maintain that level of denial. Pray for us.

On Labor Day, we were blessed to have one of T's friends come and stay with us for a few days. It was so really good for T to have a familiar face around. We explored the streets of Hollywood (& I had my little geekout) & the splendor of Beverly Hills. We’re all trying to forget Mexico, though. It seems the further we go into the country, the worse it gets. I think I now understand why people go there & then promptly get drunk.

We celebrated our first Thanksgiving together as a couple & hosted the shindig at our home. Everything was perfect, &, with the help of T's mom (Thank goodness for flat rate long distance plans!), it all went off without a hitch.

At the beginning of December, we flew back to Arkansas for the first time since the wedding. Seeing T's dad running towards us with his arms thrown wide open at the airport & giving us a hug that I was sure would seperate my head from my shoulders was something we'll never forget. She's really missed home & this trip was as much about her morale as it was about making a new holiday for Hallmark to sully. That weekend, her (well mine, too, now) entire family descended her mom and dad’s house for the first annual “Thanksmas.” It was a celebration of family and friends. We got to see her brother & sister-in-law's newest addition to their family for the first time. For being almost two months early, nearly all the preemie troubles seem to be subsiding. Their older son is enjoying being a big brother. We also travelled to see T's sister & brother-in-law's new home (which, according to my sister-in-law, is just down the street from where our home will be when we move out there). They finally have a house big enough to hold all six (!) of them. Unfortunately, we arrived there at night, so I didn't get to see much of the town. I did get to see the illustrous "Kum & Go", which - contrary to what the name implies (you perverts) - is actually a quickie mart.

Now that I look at it, the adjective "quickie" doesn't make it sound any better.

On that note, we say “adios” to 2004 and “hola” to 2005. May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make his face to shine upon you. And give you peace. And be gracious unto to you all.

PS - I just couldn't forget to mention, either, two friends that I made over this past year, via MLCotW - ETS & Amy. Thank you both for filling in when I've been gone, leaving me the keys to your castles when you've been away (& letting me keep them even when you're there) & for just being all around nifty friends.

I'll raise a couple of T's pan cookies & a glass of milk in your honor, ladies!

*Note - This is what you could call T & my first writing collaboration. Most of this came from her Holiday update letter sent out to friends & family. A few modifications from me turned it into what it is on the site.