Wednesday, March 10, 2004

Da Rules of da room

I started writing about this yesterday & deleted it. Then, lo & behold, Amy brings up the subject at her site. So, I decided to give it another try & bring to you -


These rules are unspoken. You don't walk into the li'l pardner's room & see them posted on the wall (although, around here, there are a few guys who could stand a refresher course on them). I think the rules are handed down genetically, from father to son. It probably goes back to Adam & Eve's boys (Adam wouldn't have known these rules as there were no other men to share the Men's Room with at the time). I imagine Cain & Abel were going about their business one day & came up with the rules.


The First Rule of the Men's Room is - Whilst one is leaking, there shall be no speaking (or peeking). This is a simple rule, really, yet it's one that's so often broken. When you walk in, you stop talking. It's just that easy. When you're standing there doing what you need to do, do not - I repeat, DO NOT- talk to the guy next to you. And whatever you do, DO NOT turn your head in their direction. Even if you didn't mean to, you may get a glimpse of a side of your coworker that you never, ever wanted to see.

This also applies to the stalls. No talking. Period. I once had a guy challenge me to see who could make the

I politely declined & then left as quickly as I could.

The Second Rule of the Men's Room - If there is an emergency (you flood the toilet or run out of paper) you must wait until the Men's Room is clear & then go to the next stall. This rule kind of goes hand in hand with the First Rule. You see, if you have to ask your neighbor for the plunger or a roll of paper, you've spoken & are in clear violation of the First Rule. The best thing to do to avoid this situation? Check for paper befor settling in & make sure you don't put too much paper in the toilet. My motto: Flush & flush often.

The Third Rule of the Men's Room isn't really a's more of a right - Whatever happens in the Men's Room (sights, sounds or smells) can & will be used against you by your coworkers. And possibly posted on someones blog. That's right, people. If you gas out the place or cause the windows to rattle & someone's in there to witness it, you're fair game for much snickering & finger pointing when you get back to the office. Thus, it is always to one's advantage to go in when no one else is in there or to at least hang out until everyone has left.

So, there you have it - a reminder for the men &, hopefully, a little insight for the ladies.