New blood

Since I’ve been subjected to listening to Christmas music, I’ve noticed something. There are really only about 5 different traditional Christmas tunes & everyone & their frickin’ dog keeps doing remakes of them. There’s “Jingle Bells”; “White Christmas”; “Frosty the Snowman”; “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas”; &, one of the most annoying songs ever written, “The 12 Days of Christmas.” There's a few more, but you get the point.

I think it’s time for some new songs. Here are a few ideas I have:

Bring Back My Lawn Santa, You Lousy Punks
Tangled Light Strings/Crap! I Put A Staple Through The Christmas Light String Medley
Underwear & Socks
Some Assembly Required
Stinkypants, The Chili Lovin’ Elf

They’re just titles right now. Feel free to add actual words to them.

And, after watching the atrocity that was the new Charlie Brown Christmas special a couple nights ago (instead of Rudolph – I feel like I’ve betrayed an old friend), here are a few ideas for new, instant classic holiday specials:

A Texas Chainsaw Christmas
Survivor: North Pole
Phil & Phyllis, The Hermaphroditic Elf
Merry Christmas With Marilyn Manson & Friends

These are sure to become beloved holiday shows, shows that the whole family can gather ‘round the tube & watch together.