Wednesday, October 08, 2003


I am going through some serious T withdrawals. I miss her so much. I keep looking at the picture of us together, thinking about her & how much I want her by my side; her hand in mine; to see her smile when I tell her how beautiful she is. I know I am hers & she is mine, but it still doesn’t help this detached feeling that I have right now. I feel like I’m far from home. When I got back to California, to Yucaipa, I didn’t feel like I’d come home. I opened my apartment door & felt like I was opening a motel room door, that I was just staying there temporarily. I talked to her last night & it felt like I was away on a trip & talking to T back home. I can’t believe it – for the first time in my life, I don’t want to be in California. I want to be back with her. If I could, I’d move out to be with her in a heartbeat.

I feel restless. I want to hop into the truck & drive out to be with her. I’m not a co-dependant, needy person. But T is so special. I want to be near her. I want to start our lives together soon.

I just want to hold her again. I want to come home again.

Crumbs, I miss her.

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I guess I’m wearing my feelings on my shoulder a bit. Everyone keeps asking what’s wrong. I need to pull out of this funk. I’m engaged to a beautiful woman who loves me as I love her – the time apart is only temporary. We’ll have the rest of our lives together.

Buck up, l’il camper! She’ll be here soon, faster than you know it.

Great…now I’m talking to myself.

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