Words fail…

I’ve been trying to write something thoughtful & meaningful about today. Something to honor those lost in the most cowardly act ever directed toward our home. I want to write something about the strength & courage of those left behind to deal with the loss & hurt & pain.

But, words fail me.

I’m still trying to filter this all through myself. It’s been two years. Two years & I still can’t get my mind around it. I understand the physical part of what happened. I just can’t get fathom the why. How can people hate so much? How can people be filled with so much anger at other people that they’d do something so horrible? Maybe I’ll never get an answer to those questions.

I didn’t want to make this into something about me, but I guess I need to get it out. Talking always helps, but apparently, everyone is too busy trying to ignore the significance of the day. There were only a couple channels carrying coverage of the ceremonies. The station that I listen to was too busy running its pledge drive to make notice of the day. I find it sad & pathetic that - oh boy! - we’ll get to see “Friends” but a show about 9/11 is relegated to a half hour between “Scrubs” & “ER.”

Meh. Never watch much TV anyway.

This may take a bit, so I ask that you bear with me.

I’ve read other sites & journals from people who were either there or knew people who were in the area. I know people who know others who lost loved ones. The events of two years ago didn’t affect me personally. I was fortunate that all of those I love (& those that I would come to love) were all safe. But, they affected me nonetheless. I remember waking up & turning on the radio to hear the DJ talking about two planes crashing (the first to hit the Towers & the Pentagon). I remember the disoriented feeling as I was trying to comprehend what I was seeing on TV. I can remember my mom calling & hearing the panic in her voice. I remember hearing Peter Jennings talking with an engineer who was there, speculating about what had occurred. I remember the Tower coming down & the engineer saying, “The Tower’s collapsing!” to which Mr. Jennings said something to the effect of “With all the smoke & debris falling it makes it look like that...” & the engineer coming back with “No – the Tower is falling!” I think Pete was having as hard of a time as the rest of us comprehending what was going on.

We spent all day at work, listening to the reports on the radio & watching streaming reports online. I felt numb. I didn’t know how to respond. I couldn’t think straight or concentrate on my work. We all contacted our customers that were in the areas that were hit to make sure everyone was OK. We waited for word of more attacks. We heard all of the rumors of other planes still out there & that some were unaccounted for. My office at that time was above a county office, which had been evacuated. In typical Company tradition, we were still there.

I wanted my son with me. I wanted to hold him & assure him that things were alright & to protect him. &, I suppose, get a little reassurance from him, knowing that that little part of my life was safe. He was afraid of planes for awhile. He knew that the planes had been grounded & told me that if I saw a plane flying at me to run toward it in an attempt to get out of the possible crash site. I tried to protect him from seeing too much. A week later, his mother & I attended his school’s open house. It was the day that the flight ban had been lifted. I remember us walking up to the school & hearing a plane…& stopping, looking for the plane in the sky. It had been a week since anyone had heard noise other than birds coming from the sky. & for the first time in my life, it was a sound that made me uneasy. Another parent walked by & jokingly said, “What’s the matter? Haven’t you ever seen a plane before?” To this day, when I hear a plane going overhead & it reverses its engines or if I see a plane that isn’t following one of the normal flight paths, I get nervous.

Here I am, two years later. I’m watching the images (the few that are being shown on TV). I still don’t understand the why’s of it all. I don’t think I ever will. I guess the important thing is that I never forget. That none of us ever forget. It’s important to talk about it. It’s important to keep it fresh in our minds.

9/11 can’t just be a day. It can’t be a moment of silence & then back to the grind. It has to be a daily thing. & no, I don’t mean the destruction. I mean the unity that we had for a time after it happened. We need to think of others. We need to work together.

We need to remember our loved ones. Tell them that we love them. Hug them. Hold them. Don’t take them for granted.

Most of all, though, we can never forget.


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