Family

I talked to the Boy shortly after my last post about my relationship with T. He seems alright with it & wants to meet her. As he put it, he wants “to know everyone in my life.” He amazes me with how much he processes things. He said that he understood that I was trying to keep another incident like the last relationship from happening so he wouldn’t get hurt. He wanted to know when she's coming out here. He asked if we were going to get married & I told him it was a possibility. He wanted to know where any future siblings would live. Many questions from my little one.

He was really quiet afterward. I don’t know if maybe he was still holding out hope for the ex & I to get back together. I’ve told him before that it just wasn’t going to happen. I know that he wants a normal family with both the mom & dad at home. I want that for him. & for me.

I always wanted to have my own family like the one I grew up with (even though my little sister drove my nuts). I remember coming home after school & watching cartoons or playing outside. My dad would come home shortly after that & we were all together. We’d have dinner together & talk. & even if I went & hid in my room for the evening, I knew that right on the other side of the wall were two people who cared for me & loved me. I felt safe & secure. I want my son to feel that same security.

When Dad passed away, that security was shaken. Even though I was already out of the house, the security just didn't seem to be there. Mom did her best with my sister, who became a handful, but I think that Dad being gone was a bigger loss than we realized. He was really the only father my sister had known. He was my mentor, teaching me how to work on the car & change tires & how to fix things around the house. He helped feed my natural knack for understanding machines & how things worked. & he taught me how to be a good person & treat others with respect. I want to be my son's teacher & show him how to be a good man.

He was the rock in our family. Even though he was my stepfather, he never made my sister or me feel like we were anything other than his own children. Many of my friends didn’t even know that he wasn’t my real father until I mentioned it after he passed on. He loved us as his own. I’ve tried to model the father that I am after him. I probably haven’t done near the job that he did, but, even if I turn out to be half as good of a father as he was, I’ll be doing pretty good.