Licenses & Shock Collars

One of the many glamorous duties that Blonde In The Corner, Irene & myself share here at the Company is to match up software licenses with the orders that print out. Sometimes, those licenses get forgotten, resulting in a mad dash to retrieve the delivery document before it disappears out on the picking floor. Irene suggested attaching a hammer to the license printer (which sits closest to her) so that when a license prints out, the hammer would hit her on the head (lightly, I’m sure), reminding her to get the license. My suggestion was to fit her with a shock collar that would give her a mildly unpleasant shock (initially) to remind her to get the license.

She wasn’t as keen on the idea as I was. Drat.

That got me to thinking, which led to the following list.

Submitted for your approval –

People Who Should Be Fitted With A Shock Collar

Telemarketers: just in case the Do Not Call list gets nixed. Again.

The judges that nixed the Do Not Call list:every time a telemarketer calls you, the judge can be “reminded” that we don’t want these calls.

The Company’s entire Customer Service department: so that every time they screw up an order & ask me to cancel it five minutes after I’ve processed it, I can “correct” them. I might “correct” them just for the fun of it.

Girls/women who think that midriff baring shirts meant for a size 4 look good on a size 27: because there are some things that should not be shared with the rest of the world.

Girls/women who wear low-rise jeans & a thong: see above.

People who drive slow in front of me through the Canyon: c’mon…you knew that slow drivers would be mentioned somewhere on the list.

People who say “aks”, “prolly”, “expresso”, etc.: The batteries on the collar would wear out in minutes from all the use.

People who write lists of rants about people who bug them: *fzzzzzzzzzp*