Yucaipa Jay & The Refrigerator Of Doom

One of the things that has been on my to do list for a while now has been to tackle the science experiment that is my refrigerator. When the light from the back of the fridge can no longer be seen when you open the door – it’s a good indication that it’s time to clear a few things out.

The truly frightening thing about cleaning out ones refrigerator, aside from finding things that you can’t readily identify without extensive laboratory testing, is when you can remember putting the food in the fridge. When you can say “Oh yeah, I put that tuna sandwich in here in ‘85”, that’s scary. I’d really rather have no reference date as to when that black blob of organic matter started turning from a solid to a gel. Ignorance is bliss.

So far, here’s the body count:
1 bag of potatoes - still good
1 bag of carrots - still good
1 bag of semi solid apples - not so good
1 bag of gelatinous black goo that made a disgusting glurping sound when I moved it – disturbing
Another bag of potatoes – still good, amazingly
1 white onion – well, mostly white…there appears to be a small penicillin colony inhabiting it…bye bye
1 brown onion – still brown, in a good way…firm…I think it’s a keeper
Yet another bag of potatoes – still good…Cripes! I could feed a small third world nation with potatoes
1 half bag of carrots – still good…carrots apparently have a long shelf life
1 mystery bag – contents: 1 can of Vienna sausages (Score!)…1 bag of Funyuns (Double Score!)…1 baggie half filled with peanuts. The mystery bag is definitely a keeper.
More potatoes – still good…Good freakin’ grief – how long do these things last? & why do I have so many of them?
Another stinkin’ bag of potatoes – Ugh…I’ve discovered that potatoes are not immortal…into the can
Another mystery bag (I think they used to be apricots – the jury’s still out on that one) - refused to let go of the fridge shelf…after much struggling, I finally won.
Many remnants of bread loaves – Just the bread butts.
Various apples & peaches that the boy has collected from the fruit trees outside – they look like little "Crypt Keepers"...fertilizer
Container – contents: Exactly 1 seed. 1…seed. I don’t know what fruit it came from. Hmm, I sense a little experiment in the near future.
Container – Uhh...how long does butter stay good?
Container – OK, now I’m scared.
Container – I don’t want to know.
Container – AHHH!

I think that’s all I can handle for now. I don’t even want to think about the freezer. I think it may be a job for the EPA.

People wonder why I eat out so much.