I'd Better Get Some Cool Spider Powers

I woke on Friday morning with itchy legs.

Upon closer inspection, I found that the itching was caused by two bites on the sides of my shins (in almost the same spot on both shins). T chalked it up to mosquitoes, but, since I know that mosquitoes aren't attracted to me (probably due to my blood having the thickness of a semi-frozen milkshake), I attributed it to a spider, thinking that it may have gotten into the bedding & bit me when I rolled around.

Saturday morning, I woke with an additional two bites on each calf. I began to suspect that the next morning, I'd find myself wrapped up in a silk cocoon in the corner of the ceiling. So, despite the liberal application of hydrocortisone cream to the afflicted areas, I spent a good part of the day fighting the urge to claw through the skin on my legs.

On Sunday morning, T let out a loud gasp, which at first I thought meant that she was running late (she was getting ready for work). I was still half asleep & couldn't figure out what she was saying. Finally, I picked up on the words "big" & "spider." Being the Great White Critter Hunter in our home, I took great pleasure in squooshing the spider that, I was certain, was trying to suck my insides out through my legs. The euphoria of having vanquished my foe was quickly replaced by the itching from the grand total of six bites on my legs.

After all of this, I had better be able to stick to walls or shoot webs or something.