Monday, November 29, 2004

I did a little Christmas shopping...

...but not for who you'd expect. No, I haven't shopped for T yet. And we've gotten most of The Boy's schtuff bought. T's also taken care of most everyone in both of our families.

No, the gift I have to offer is for a bunch of complete strangers. People I've never met. Nay, not even a glance have I laid upon them. This gift is for all of the people who went shopping on Black Friday, particularly the one's who went shopping where T works.

For all of you people who lined up outside the store, some many hours before the doors opened at 530a, in hopes of getting a jump on the season's shopping & maybe getting a few deals in the process; for the countless multitudes that literally ran into the store, looking for the specially priced DVD players; for those of you who crabbed & complained & swore at my wife because you & several thousand others with wet sand for brains couldn't understand why it was taking so long to get through the checkout line; for those of you who acted like imbeciles because the store only had a hundred DVD players in stock & to you who tried to blame the store for keeping you in line & making you buy more crap that you or whomever you bought it for really didn't need, I give you all -

A boot to the head. Or a kick in the groin.

Your choice.

Shoot, if you ask nicely, I might just give you both. I'm just that freakin' swell of a fella.

In fact, if I'm out doing my shopping, or if I stop in to my wife's store & hear you kvetching about how crowded the place is, I'll give you repeated boots & kicks & perhaps, if I'm feeling reeeeally generous, a general pummeling about the face & upper body.

No need to thank me, either. Your groans & cries are thanks enough for me.