And, boy, was my mind idle when I thought this up!
T’s got a class reunion coming up this summer, which she’d like me to go to; I think mainly so that she can prove to people that I’m not her imaginary husband. Not being the most social of people or very comfortable in strange places with crowds of strange people, I started thinking of a way that I could have at least a little fun with the situation.
I decided to come up with a list of jobs that I’d tell different people when I’m inevitably cornered & forced to play ’20 Questions’ by some inebriated stranger & T’s
Feel free to use any of these at your next awkward social gathering.
Astronaut
Fighter Pilot
Inventor of the .mp3 file format
Llama farmer
Inland Empire NAACP chapter president (remember, I’ll be in the South)
Midget pr0n director
Sea Monkey breeder
Kiefer Sutherland’s stunt double
One of the Oceanic Six
Ghost hunter
Shipping clerk
‘Chunk’ in ‘Goonies: The Musical’
CEO of a company that pulls nails from old boards, straightens them out & resells them
Medicine expiration date tester
Ninja
Inland Empire GLAAD chapter president (again, I’ll be in the South)
An Ewok in Return of the Jedi
The actor who plays ‘Jack’ in the Jack in the Box commercials
Professional chin model
Clone War reenacter
Topiary maintenance manager at Neverland Ranch
Superhero
Geneticist developing the world’s first long-tailed hamster
The ad executive who came up with the ‘Head-On’ advertisement campaign
Death
Ninth row, second from the left clone trooper in scene #732 of ‘Revenge of the Sith’
Inland Empire Communist Party chapter president (geez, am I trying to get myself killed?)
The actor who played ‘Cousin Oliver’ on ‘The Brady Bunch’
Gladiator
A time traveling soldier from the future trying to save T from an unstoppable killer cyborg masquerading as a state governor
The last actor to play the ‘Hamburglar’ in a McDonald’s commercial
The body double for all of the ‘Before’ pictures in weight loss ads
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