Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Silly Things

I keep staring at the monitor, but nothing happens. Maybe if I try looking intently at the keyboard…

Nope. Nothing.

Why was I blessed with such incredibly good looks instead of telekinesis? Why couldn’t I have both, maybe with a bit of independent wealth thrown into the mix? Oh well. Can’t have it all, I suppose.

Guess I’ll have to use my fingers instead.

The other day, I was talking to my older sister, trying to finalize the headcount for Birthapalooza 36 next Sunday (count so far: Me, T, The Boy, & my mom – a rowdy bunch we are). She informed me that, sadly, she would be otherwise engaged next weekend & would be unable to make it (apparently, seeing Genesis at the Hollywood Bowl trumps seeing your brother’s slide down the downhill side towards 40). Stifling a sniffle & trying my best to not let on how utterly crushed I was that she’d rather spend her time watching a pasty, balding Englishman try to recapture his former glory, I told her that it was OK, that, barring being hit by a bus, the invitation was open for next year. This led to the following topic:

Do people say “barring being hit by a bus, I’ll do such & such” because the likelihood of them being hit by said bus is relatively low?

Think about it – do you ever hear someone say “If I don’t blink my eyes at some point in the interim, I’ll do such & so forth”? I mean, you really can’t do much about blinking, at some point, over the course of, say, 12 months. Being hit by a bus, on the other hand, is something that you do have a bit of control over. Unless the bus is a stealth bus, you usually will see one coming in your direction, giving you enough time to move out of its way. Maybe if you’re particularly dense, you might stand a better chance of being hit, in which case, do the gene pool a favor & stay right where you are. Not to take anything away from those poor souls who have accidentally been hit by a bus; it just seems like when you use that as a potential out for doing something in the future, you’re aiming kind of low. (Although, imagine the irony if you actually were hit by a bus at some time. I mean, after your bones mend & all, of course.)

We went on to discover that there are other things that have an even lower chance of happening & thus keeping one from making it to their little brother’s birthday, such as being eaten by a shark. Living about 70 miles inland from the Pacific, I feel confident that, on an average day, the odds of me meeting & being consumed by a great white are low. In fact, I actually do have a better chance of being hit by a bus.

This issue went further when we considered that the likelihood of being run over by a bus driven by a great white was even lower than being attacked by a shark in the middle of the Mojave Desert. We did determine, though, that, while buses do not have a mouth &, by default, lack teeth, you could still get your hand ‘eaten’ if you stuck it in the engine while it was running, in which case, please see my comment about doing the gene pool a favor.

So, here’s the ranking of things that might keep one from joining their youngest brother on his birthday next year, from highest to lowest:

Being hit by a bus

Being eaten by a great white shark

Being eaten by a bus

Being hit by a bus driven by a great white