Monday, August 21, 2006

Pimp My Bedding

Friday night, T & I were out shopping & stopped at the local Ross to see what was there. For those of you who don't know, Ross is one of those stores that sells things that other stores won't sell, like shirts with irregular sizing or poor quality stitching or shoes that are megahideous looking or CD's full of 80's dance hits sung by "The Stars of Studio 99" (I'm not kidding; the things are so cheap that they can't even acquire the rights to the original B-side singles from such illustrous stars of the 80's as Men Without Hats or Sigue Sigue Sputnik). They also carry a plethora of hot sauces of suspicious origin (yes, I did buy some). Basically, it's the clothing & crap store equivalent of the Island of Misfit Toys from the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer Christmas show (poor Charlie-in-the-Box). I'm not saying that you can't find a few treasures there, but it's very much a 'buyer beware' kinda place.

We wandered around, as we are wont to do there, & ended up in the bed & bath section. T has for some time now wanted to get a new bedding set for our room & had found a few contenders amongst the various bright pink & leopard print sets there. She found one that was sort of a goldish-greenish looking color along with some new curtains & some accent pillows (which she decided she didn't want). I pointed out a lighter colored one & even one that was more of a quilt than a comforter. Being a good husband, though (& having absolutely no style sense whatsoever), I was ready to relent & let her get the one she liked. Her, being a good wife (& despite knowing that I have absolutely no style sense whatsoever), picked out the lighter colored one that I liked.

The next day, we put the comforter on the bed & found out why we found this at Ross: while the packaging said that it was a queen-sized comforter, the actual product was made more for a full-sized bed. So, we stuffed it back into its packaging, with the intention of taking it back the following day & getting T's choice.

Sunday came & we took the ill-fitting comforter back. T found the one that she wanted & also decided to get the accent pillows that she didn't want to get on Friday night. I dropped her off at home & went off to run a couple errands.

About an hour later, I came home. I expected to either find T in the room, arranging the new curtains & deciding way the pillows looked best on the bed, or to find the whole deal sitting by the door, ready to be returned to the store.

Much to my surprise, there it was, sitting by the door.

When I asked T what was wrong with it, she told me that when she put it on the bed, the first thing that ran through her head was wakka-chika, wakka-chika, as the material, in huge quantities, had a very shimmery, shiny, 70's vintage p0rn quality to it. She said she even tried walking out of the room & coming back in, but again, all she heard was wakka-chika, wakka-chika. I dubbed it the 'pimp comforter'. The curtains had the same shiny look to them, as well. Apparently, we'd bought the Hugh Hefner Collection bedroom set (velvet smoking jacket sold separately).

So, for the second time in about five hours, we trapsed back up to Ross to return the pimp comforter & its pimpin' accessories. T made took one last fruitless look at the bed & bath section, hoping that the right set would appear.

Alas, we left Ross emptyhanded.

wakka-chika, wakka-chika