Dryer lint
Tiny rocks
Bread crust
My socks
Snot
Twist ties
Zip-Lock sandwich bags
Fingernail clippings
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Apple Cheddar Cheese Spread
[Note: This marks the first time that I actually had asucker patsy witness to a bad food tasting, which, given the nasty schtuff that I've eaten in the past, may be a good thing, just in case one of these things turns out to be lethal.]
This lovely little entry into the Pantry of Horrors came to assault my tastebuds quite by accident. Y'know, as opposed to me actually inflicting it upon myself, like the Squeeze Cheese or the Potted Meat Product (I still get a chill when I think about that schtuff). This was initially part of a gift to my niece, Queen Lauroo, who, veryfoolishly bravely tried out this processed atrocity with me.
Let's hop into the Wayback Machine to last month, when T & I were Christmas shopping. Feverishly trying to find just the right gifts for my nieces & nephew, we came across a locking canister with chickens* emblazoned all over it - the perfect gift for Queen Lauroo. Plainly displayed (& promptly ignored) was a label telling us that there was more inside. After she opened the canister, I'd wished that I hadn't disregarded the tag. For, residing inside of a very thick plastic bag, was a substance of such foulness, the likes of which the world has rarely seen.
And its name was Apple Cheddar Cheese Spread! *shudder*
[*Although she vehemently denies it, Queen Lauroo loves, loves, LOVES chickens; we've told her so. We do worry, though, that she's on the fast track to becoming that weird lady that every street has. You know the one - all the kids speak in hushed tones when they pass her house, talking about the one kid that dared to retrieve his ball from her yard - & was never heard from again!]
Upon first glance, the whole thing looked like a cheese-filled water balloon.
A very full cheese-filled balloon.
See for yourself:
Note the ingredients - Mmm, mmmm...that's some good eatin' right there!
Upon cutting open the plastic, I prepared myself for what I thought would be an all-out assault on my nostrils, but was quite surprised (& a little disappointed) to find that there really wasn't much of a smell at all. The only thing that I can equate it to would be wax. Plain, old, unscented wax. This caused me to momentarily lower my defenses & think that this may not be as bad as I thought it would.
My defenses were quickly back up to full strength when I applied a dollop of the schtuff to a cracker & I could swear that I heard it scream. Take another look at the first picture - the cracker on the counter in the background? It was actually moving closer to the edge of the counter in an attempt to throw itself off & end its misery.
Despite the uneasiness that a screaming cracker can cause, Queen Lauroo & I decided to still try a bite. This is when things started to get weird. Y'see, much like the smell of this...this...thing, the flavor wasn't immediately bad. In fact, the taste never even came close to Potted Meat Product status. The taste, you could say, was quite literal, for, as you chewed, the flavor alternated from apple to (kinda) cheese & back to apple. I kind of imagine it's what the full course meal gum in 'Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory' would've been like, only gross. And, thankfully, we didn't turn into a giant ball of Apple Cheddar Cheese Spread.
The worst thing about this affront to humanity is that to this day, nearly a month later, I can still taste it. In this area, it takes the Potted Meat Product to school, because, while that was probably the single nastiest thing I've ever willingly put into my face, I was able to, eventually, get the taste out of my mouth & block its memory from my mind. This, though, I can still conjure up. And I'm betting that Queen Lauroo can, as well.
So, while the Apple Cheddar Cheese Spread was lacking in out & out horrid taste & smell (don't get me wrong - I'll not be trying it ever again), it stands head & shoulders above the rest when it comes to the tenacity with which it has stuck in the memory of my poor tastebuds, thus securing its rightful place in the Pantry of Horrors.
[Note: This marks the first time that I actually had a
This lovely little entry into the Pantry of Horrors came to assault my tastebuds quite by accident. Y'know, as opposed to me actually inflicting it upon myself, like the Squeeze Cheese or the Potted Meat Product (I still get a chill when I think about that schtuff). This was initially part of a gift to my niece, Queen Lauroo, who, very
Let's hop into the Wayback Machine to last month, when T & I were Christmas shopping. Feverishly trying to find just the right gifts for my nieces & nephew, we came across a locking canister with chickens* emblazoned all over it - the perfect gift for Queen Lauroo. Plainly displayed (& promptly ignored) was a label telling us that there was more inside. After she opened the canister, I'd wished that I hadn't disregarded the tag. For, residing inside of a very thick plastic bag, was a substance of such foulness, the likes of which the world has rarely seen.
And its name was Apple Cheddar Cheese Spread! *shudder*
[*Although she vehemently denies it, Queen Lauroo loves, loves, LOVES chickens; we've told her so. We do worry, though, that she's on the fast track to becoming that weird lady that every street has. You know the one - all the kids speak in hushed tones when they pass her house, talking about the one kid that dared to retrieve his ball from her yard - & was never heard from again!]
Upon first glance, the whole thing looked like a cheese-filled water balloon.
A very full cheese-filled balloon.
See for yourself:
Note the ingredients - Mmm, mmmm...that's some good eatin' right there!
Upon cutting open the plastic, I prepared myself for what I thought would be an all-out assault on my nostrils, but was quite surprised (& a little disappointed) to find that there really wasn't much of a smell at all. The only thing that I can equate it to would be wax. Plain, old, unscented wax. This caused me to momentarily lower my defenses & think that this may not be as bad as I thought it would.
My defenses were quickly back up to full strength when I applied a dollop of the schtuff to a cracker & I could swear that I heard it scream. Take another look at the first picture - the cracker on the counter in the background? It was actually moving closer to the edge of the counter in an attempt to throw itself off & end its misery.
Despite the uneasiness that a screaming cracker can cause, Queen Lauroo & I decided to still try a bite. This is when things started to get weird. Y'see, much like the smell of this...this...thing, the flavor wasn't immediately bad. In fact, the taste never even came close to Potted Meat Product status. The taste, you could say, was quite literal, for, as you chewed, the flavor alternated from apple to (kinda) cheese & back to apple. I kind of imagine it's what the full course meal gum in 'Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory' would've been like, only gross. And, thankfully, we didn't turn into a giant ball of Apple Cheddar Cheese Spread.
The worst thing about this affront to humanity is that to this day, nearly a month later, I can still taste it. In this area, it takes the Potted Meat Product to school, because, while that was probably the single nastiest thing I've ever willingly put into my face, I was able to, eventually, get the taste out of my mouth & block its memory from my mind. This, though, I can still conjure up. And I'm betting that Queen Lauroo can, as well.
So, while the Apple Cheddar Cheese Spread was lacking in out & out horrid taste & smell (don't get me wrong - I'll not be trying it ever again), it stands head & shoulders above the rest when it comes to the tenacity with which it has stuck in the memory of my poor tastebuds, thus securing its rightful place in the Pantry of Horrors.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Hugh
With the arrival of the new year, I've renewed my resolve to get back into the swing of working out. So far, I've made it back about three times, with two of those times being this past week.
Since I started back in October, I've mentioned several of the psyche-scarring sights that I've been subjected to in the mens locker-room, most of them involving naked, hairy men.
*shudder*
A few nights ago, though, as I entered the locker-room, trying not to breath in the nasty, bowling alley-shoe-disinfectant air, I was greeted by a vision that will haunt me for the rest of my life: a 350lb man standing on the scale. That, in & of itself, was not so terrifying. The part of this encounter that almost caused my eyes to push themselves back into my skull in an attempt to save them from the view that lay before them was the fact that this rather large man was, of course, totally naked.
Yeah. Naked.
I dubbed him Hugh.
Hugh Jass.
So far, I've named three of them, although several people share the names: Hugh Jass, Harry Butt-Ochs & Old Man Dangly Bits.
I've told T that I'm going to start changing in the womens locker-room. Unfortunately, though, Old Man Dangly Bits wife, Old Lady Dangly Bits, likes to let it all hang out as well.
*sigh*
With the arrival of the new year, I've renewed my resolve to get back into the swing of working out. So far, I've made it back about three times, with two of those times being this past week.
Since I started back in October, I've mentioned several of the psyche-scarring sights that I've been subjected to in the mens locker-room, most of them involving naked, hairy men.
*shudder*
A few nights ago, though, as I entered the locker-room, trying not to breath in the nasty, bowling alley-shoe-disinfectant air, I was greeted by a vision that will haunt me for the rest of my life: a 350lb man standing on the scale. That, in & of itself, was not so terrifying. The part of this encounter that almost caused my eyes to push themselves back into my skull in an attempt to save them from the view that lay before them was the fact that this rather large man was, of course, totally naked.
Yeah. Naked.
I dubbed him Hugh.
Hugh Jass.
So far, I've named three of them, although several people share the names: Hugh Jass, Harry Butt-Ochs & Old Man Dangly Bits.
I've told T that I'm going to start changing in the womens locker-room. Unfortunately, though, Old Man Dangly Bits wife, Old Lady Dangly Bits, likes to let it all hang out as well.
*sigh*
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Jabootu 3.0
As promised many months ago, the Supreme Potentate of Jabootu, Ken Begg, has brought himself out of his mini hiatus & given us Jabootu - the Bad Movie Dimension - or Jabootu V.3. (...and there was much rejoicing. Yay...)
If your movie tastes run along the same lines as mine (ie horribly bad & extra cheese), go now & check out the new digs. Look around. Sit a spell. You'll be glad you did!
As promised many months ago, the Supreme Potentate of Jabootu, Ken Begg, has brought himself out of his mini hiatus & given us Jabootu - the Bad Movie Dimension - or Jabootu V.3. (...and there was much rejoicing. Yay...)
If your movie tastes run along the same lines as mine (ie horribly bad & extra cheese), go now & check out the new digs. Look around. Sit a spell. You'll be glad you did!
Thursday, January 04, 2007
The Year That Was
Wow...it's 2007 already? That was fast. It seems like ever year, the calendar companies take a few days off of the calendar here & there. Just look at February - you can't tell me that it originally started out with 28 days. I smell a conspiracy here between the calendar makers & Hallmark to gradually get rid of every month except December in an attempt to get people to buy Christmas cards 'year-round'.
For the days last year that Hallmark didn't quietly do away with, a few things did happen. So here, for your perusal, is my year in review.
Get comfortable - a lot happened!
The year started out pretty quiet & stayed that way for the first few months. Then my dad decided that he wasn't getting enough attention & got really sick. Unfortunately, he took the getting sick thing a little too far & Dad passed away on April 8th. (If you found that to be in poor taste, well, tough. My family has a very skewed view of death. Better to laugh in its face than tremble in its shadow) My sister & I managed to get up to Shasta to see him before he died, & although he was never conscious while we were there, I'd like to think that he knew we were by his side.
He was a good man. Not a perfect man by a long shot. But he was kind & always wanted to help others, to a fault, usually. It's sad that he was taken advantage of his generosity, but it never deterred him. He was born in Montana &, because his dad traveled from place to place working, led a bit of a nomadic life before settling in the mountains of San Bernardino. He wanted to be a professional baseball player (actually tried out for the San Diego Padres), but that was sidelined, first by WW II, where he was a radar operator, & then by an injury that took out his pitching arm. He never lost his love for the game (Go Cards!), but he did have to choose another career path as a result. That career ended up being in the printing & graphics arts, where he started out as a printer & eventually made his way up working for the Wall Street Journal, adapting his job as the technology changed.
After retirement, he was stricken with emphysema (see what smoking does to you, kids?). It slowed him down a little, but never really stopped him. After a few too many close calls with his health, one of his brothers offered to let him live with he & his wife & Dad moved from Denver to the Mt. Shasta area of Northern California. He spent his last few years there & I believe he was very happy & content there (I can't thank my aunt & uncle enough for taking Dad in & making him comfortable & happy in such a beautiful place). It was during this time that we became closer (it's not like we'd been estranged or gone for years without talking, but he hadn't raised me) & we developed a better father/son relationship. Thankfully, T, The Boy & I were able to go visit him in the summer of '05 & to see him again that October.
Take care Dad. We miss you!
Shortly after Dad's passing, T & I celebrated our two year anniversary in May with a trip up the coast to Morro Bay. After having reviewed a few of the inns/hotels in the area, we decided on the Bayfront Inn. The reviews on Tripadvisor.com were more or less favorable & the price was right, so we made a few calls & were on our way.
The five hour drive up there was gorgeous. The Pacific coast of California has some of the most beautiful sites of anyplace that I've ever seen. Granted, one of the places that I'm comparing it to would be Tijuana, so anything would be an improvement...
Anyway, we found our way to the inn, which, as the name implied, was on the bayfront. Several things that the name didn't imply, though, were things like little, tiny 'king-sized' rooms, holes in the mini-blinds, paint peeling everywhere, smelly, dilapidated fishing boats & power plant smoke stacks. I guess those just aren't as much of a draw, so they don't mention them in their advertising. Morro Bay itself, though, was very nice & we definitely will go back. We'll just stay at a different place is all. Y'know, one with less 'renovating' going on.
June proved to be a busy month. It started off with seeing the radio variety show 'A Prairie Home Companion' live at the Hollywood Bowl. The show is usually performed in Minnesota, so I jumped at the chance to see it without having to buy plane tickets or freeze to death. The Bowl itself is a great venue, although the parking is atrocious (we parked at the LA Zoo - six miles away - & hopped a bus to the Bowl; an hour later, we arrived). As an added bonus, since this was basically a press junket for the not-yet-release A Prairie Home Companion movie, Meryl Streep & John C. Reilly were also there. I look forward to seeing the show live again.
Immediately after that, T's brother & sister-in-law came out to Cali to run a marathon & then see us. Unfortunately, a case of bronchitis that I thought I'd kicked a month ago came back & put a damper on things. Still, we were able to show them some of the sites of So Cal, including Hollywood, Beverly Hills, some of the less than savory parts of LA & its world renowned traffic. Then we all headed out to Palm Springs for a restful few days (thanks to the Calla Lily Inn for their hospitality & for making accommodations for us when we decided to stay a little longer). It was a much needed rest for T & I.
Of course, this was also the site of the infamous Hamburger Mary's incident of Aught-Six. Let this be a lesson to you, Loyal Readers - if an establishment's mascot looks like a cross dresser & you find yourself in the minority when it comes to male/female couples, then you might just be in a gay hamburger restaurant.
In the last part of July, I was surprised to learn, two days before the fact, that my cellmate Irene was flying the coop. This came as a shock, but also, wasn't completely unexpected. I guess she'd had enough of dealing with the garbage that went on around the office on an almost daily basis that she decided lounging about in Mexico was a better alternative. Whatever floats your boat, I guess.
Unfortunately, this vacuum left a hole that was temporarily (thank you, Good Lord!) filled by quite possibly one of the most unpleasant people I've ever worked with. She started out with a lot of promise, but soon we figured out that she...um...just wasn't a good fit. And by that I mean that she frequently picked fights with Miguelito & didn't want to do much else than complain about her old office & ask me the same questions fifty thousand times over. For once, our Clueless Leader heeded our pleas &, soon, the temp was told that we no longer required her services.
August was fairly low-key, with the exception of T's birthday &, something that's becoming something of an annual trip for us, Harvest '06. The lineup was great (the night we went we saw Mercy Me & The Newsboys) &, having learned our lesson the year before, our seats were better, too. It's nice to be able to take The Boy, even when he's in 'surly teenager' mode, to an event where I don't have to worry about foul language or idiot drunks causing a scene. If you live in the So Cal area, I highly recommend going.
My favorite time of year rolled around & October once again found us attending the Sleepy Hollow Dance at Riley's Farm in Oak Glen. Even thought T was a bit under the weather & we didn't get to dance, we still had a great time. The Boy even won the pie eating contest, without so much as a speck of pie on his face, prompting a complement from Brom Bones, even. With the exception of a few morons who seem to think the world revolves around them (when we all know that the world revolves around me), this is another fun thing that you can take your whole family to & not worry about them being exposed to the dregs of society.
In November, T surprised me with tickets to see Grant-Lee Phillips down at Largo in Hollywood. This was the second time that we'd made the trip on down there & it proved to be even better than the first time. You see, Largo is a little hole-in-the-wall kind of place that seats only about 120 people, maybe. The cover charge is $10 & there's a minimum $15 order from the dinner menu. And they have a strict 'no talking, no standing' rule while the show's on. In order to get in to the place, you need to call to make a reservation. If you get one, you then have to be at the establishment between 830p-845p, otherwise they give your reservation to someone else. Unlike the first time we went there in '05, we didn't hit traffic & managed to get there early. When we got to the entrance & paid for our seats, which, it turns out, were front & center. We were literally about four feet from the stage. After the show, Mr. Phillips was talking with who I assumed were some friends, as well as some of the audience members. T dragged me over to where he was standing (I didn't know how to approach him without looking like a total doofus) &, after the slightly inebriated man before us finally finished his list of all the places he ever seen Mr. Phillips play (or he may have been reciting US capitol cities), T & I introduced ourselves & shook his hand & all. The night so rocked!
After I'd finally come down from my little celebrity high, the month wore on, culminating with Thanksgiving at my sister's house. It was weird, as it was the first Thanksgiving where we didn't have a kid's table. Very strange, this whole growing up business.
December found us back in Arkansas for the Third Annual Thanksmas Get Together & 5k Fun Run (although it was too cold, so the Fun Run part of it was cancelled). It was a nice, relaxing trip - well until Wednesday, when the rest of T's family arrived, making the Normandy invasion look like the Teddy Bears picnic. I spent the rest of the week trying to maintain my sanity & find little oasis's of quiet. I also spent the entire time trying not to freeze to death. It seriously never got above about 35 degrees the whole time. (To add insult to injury, the very day that we left started a week or so of 70+ degree weather there. Go figure) I spent some time helping T's dad work on his 'pole barn', which looked more like an ark than a barn. I could've sworn that I saw animals mingling about the place, two by two.
It truly must be seen to be fully appreciated.
The rest of the month was spent gearing up for Christmas, which we ended up having at our house. A good time was had by all &, thanks to us deciding to go the make-your-own-sub-sandwich route, the clean-up was minimal. And that's always a good thing.
So, there you have it. Not too shabby of a year, if I do say so myself.
Well, except for that whole Dad-passing-away part. Yeah, that was kind of a downer.
Anyway, I hope that you & yours had an awesome 2006 & here's to an even more...uh...awesome 2007!
Wow...it's 2007 already? That was fast. It seems like ever year, the calendar companies take a few days off of the calendar here & there. Just look at February - you can't tell me that it originally started out with 28 days. I smell a conspiracy here between the calendar makers & Hallmark to gradually get rid of every month except December in an attempt to get people to buy Christmas cards 'year-round'.
For the days last year that Hallmark didn't quietly do away with, a few things did happen. So here, for your perusal, is my year in review.
Get comfortable - a lot happened!
The year started out pretty quiet & stayed that way for the first few months. Then my dad decided that he wasn't getting enough attention & got really sick. Unfortunately, he took the getting sick thing a little too far & Dad passed away on April 8th. (If you found that to be in poor taste, well, tough. My family has a very skewed view of death. Better to laugh in its face than tremble in its shadow) My sister & I managed to get up to Shasta to see him before he died, & although he was never conscious while we were there, I'd like to think that he knew we were by his side.
He was a good man. Not a perfect man by a long shot. But he was kind & always wanted to help others, to a fault, usually. It's sad that he was taken advantage of his generosity, but it never deterred him. He was born in Montana &, because his dad traveled from place to place working, led a bit of a nomadic life before settling in the mountains of San Bernardino. He wanted to be a professional baseball player (actually tried out for the San Diego Padres), but that was sidelined, first by WW II, where he was a radar operator, & then by an injury that took out his pitching arm. He never lost his love for the game (Go Cards!), but he did have to choose another career path as a result. That career ended up being in the printing & graphics arts, where he started out as a printer & eventually made his way up working for the Wall Street Journal, adapting his job as the technology changed.
After retirement, he was stricken with emphysema (see what smoking does to you, kids?). It slowed him down a little, but never really stopped him. After a few too many close calls with his health, one of his brothers offered to let him live with he & his wife & Dad moved from Denver to the Mt. Shasta area of Northern California. He spent his last few years there & I believe he was very happy & content there (I can't thank my aunt & uncle enough for taking Dad in & making him comfortable & happy in such a beautiful place). It was during this time that we became closer (it's not like we'd been estranged or gone for years without talking, but he hadn't raised me) & we developed a better father/son relationship. Thankfully, T, The Boy & I were able to go visit him in the summer of '05 & to see him again that October.
Take care Dad. We miss you!
Shortly after Dad's passing, T & I celebrated our two year anniversary in May with a trip up the coast to Morro Bay. After having reviewed a few of the inns/hotels in the area, we decided on the Bayfront Inn. The reviews on Tripadvisor.com were more or less favorable & the price was right, so we made a few calls & were on our way.
The five hour drive up there was gorgeous. The Pacific coast of California has some of the most beautiful sites of anyplace that I've ever seen. Granted, one of the places that I'm comparing it to would be Tijuana, so anything would be an improvement...
Anyway, we found our way to the inn, which, as the name implied, was on the bayfront. Several things that the name didn't imply, though, were things like little, tiny 'king-sized' rooms, holes in the mini-blinds, paint peeling everywhere, smelly, dilapidated fishing boats & power plant smoke stacks. I guess those just aren't as much of a draw, so they don't mention them in their advertising. Morro Bay itself, though, was very nice & we definitely will go back. We'll just stay at a different place is all. Y'know, one with less 'renovating' going on.
June proved to be a busy month. It started off with seeing the radio variety show 'A Prairie Home Companion' live at the Hollywood Bowl. The show is usually performed in Minnesota, so I jumped at the chance to see it without having to buy plane tickets or freeze to death. The Bowl itself is a great venue, although the parking is atrocious (we parked at the LA Zoo - six miles away - & hopped a bus to the Bowl; an hour later, we arrived). As an added bonus, since this was basically a press junket for the not-yet-release A Prairie Home Companion movie, Meryl Streep & John C. Reilly were also there. I look forward to seeing the show live again.
Immediately after that, T's brother & sister-in-law came out to Cali to run a marathon & then see us. Unfortunately, a case of bronchitis that I thought I'd kicked a month ago came back & put a damper on things. Still, we were able to show them some of the sites of So Cal, including Hollywood, Beverly Hills, some of the less than savory parts of LA & its world renowned traffic. Then we all headed out to Palm Springs for a restful few days (thanks to the Calla Lily Inn for their hospitality & for making accommodations for us when we decided to stay a little longer). It was a much needed rest for T & I.
Of course, this was also the site of the infamous Hamburger Mary's incident of Aught-Six. Let this be a lesson to you, Loyal Readers - if an establishment's mascot looks like a cross dresser & you find yourself in the minority when it comes to male/female couples, then you might just be in a gay hamburger restaurant.
In the last part of July, I was surprised to learn, two days before the fact, that my cellmate Irene was flying the coop. This came as a shock, but also, wasn't completely unexpected. I guess she'd had enough of dealing with the garbage that went on around the office on an almost daily basis that she decided lounging about in Mexico was a better alternative. Whatever floats your boat, I guess.
Unfortunately, this vacuum left a hole that was temporarily (thank you, Good Lord!) filled by quite possibly one of the most unpleasant people I've ever worked with. She started out with a lot of promise, but soon we figured out that she...um...just wasn't a good fit. And by that I mean that she frequently picked fights with Miguelito & didn't want to do much else than complain about her old office & ask me the same questions fifty thousand times over. For once, our Clueless Leader heeded our pleas &, soon, the temp was told that we no longer required her services.
August was fairly low-key, with the exception of T's birthday &, something that's becoming something of an annual trip for us, Harvest '06. The lineup was great (the night we went we saw Mercy Me & The Newsboys) &, having learned our lesson the year before, our seats were better, too. It's nice to be able to take The Boy, even when he's in 'surly teenager' mode, to an event where I don't have to worry about foul language or idiot drunks causing a scene. If you live in the So Cal area, I highly recommend going.
My favorite time of year rolled around & October once again found us attending the Sleepy Hollow Dance at Riley's Farm in Oak Glen. Even thought T was a bit under the weather & we didn't get to dance, we still had a great time. The Boy even won the pie eating contest, without so much as a speck of pie on his face, prompting a complement from Brom Bones, even. With the exception of a few morons who seem to think the world revolves around them (when we all know that the world revolves around me), this is another fun thing that you can take your whole family to & not worry about them being exposed to the dregs of society.
In November, T surprised me with tickets to see Grant-Lee Phillips down at Largo in Hollywood. This was the second time that we'd made the trip on down there & it proved to be even better than the first time. You see, Largo is a little hole-in-the-wall kind of place that seats only about 120 people, maybe. The cover charge is $10 & there's a minimum $15 order from the dinner menu. And they have a strict 'no talking, no standing' rule while the show's on. In order to get in to the place, you need to call to make a reservation. If you get one, you then have to be at the establishment between 830p-845p, otherwise they give your reservation to someone else. Unlike the first time we went there in '05, we didn't hit traffic & managed to get there early. When we got to the entrance & paid for our seats, which, it turns out, were front & center. We were literally about four feet from the stage. After the show, Mr. Phillips was talking with who I assumed were some friends, as well as some of the audience members. T dragged me over to where he was standing (I didn't know how to approach him without looking like a total doofus) &, after the slightly inebriated man before us finally finished his list of all the places he ever seen Mr. Phillips play (or he may have been reciting US capitol cities), T & I introduced ourselves & shook his hand & all. The night so rocked!
After I'd finally come down from my little celebrity high, the month wore on, culminating with Thanksgiving at my sister's house. It was weird, as it was the first Thanksgiving where we didn't have a kid's table. Very strange, this whole growing up business.
December found us back in Arkansas for the Third Annual Thanksmas Get Together & 5k Fun Run (although it was too cold, so the Fun Run part of it was cancelled). It was a nice, relaxing trip - well until Wednesday, when the rest of T's family arrived, making the Normandy invasion look like the Teddy Bears picnic. I spent the rest of the week trying to maintain my sanity & find little oasis's of quiet. I also spent the entire time trying not to freeze to death. It seriously never got above about 35 degrees the whole time. (To add insult to injury, the very day that we left started a week or so of 70+ degree weather there. Go figure) I spent some time helping T's dad work on his 'pole barn', which looked more like an ark than a barn. I could've sworn that I saw animals mingling about the place, two by two.
It truly must be seen to be fully appreciated.
The rest of the month was spent gearing up for Christmas, which we ended up having at our house. A good time was had by all &, thanks to us deciding to go the make-your-own-sub-sandwich route, the clean-up was minimal. And that's always a good thing.
So, there you have it. Not too shabby of a year, if I do say so myself.
Well, except for that whole Dad-passing-away part. Yeah, that was kind of a downer.
Anyway, I hope that you & yours had an awesome 2006 & here's to an even more...uh...awesome 2007!
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Idle Hands, Etc...
Before I get too far into this, I'd like to give a big thanks to the fair & lovely Amy of Badgroove for watching over the place. My apologies for the tardiness of the kudos, Amy. You're aces!
I was looking through the junk that I tranferred over to the new computer (about six months ago - I'm nothing if not a procrastinator) & found the following works of art, commissioned during some slow periods at work & I thought I'd share them with you.
'Cause I'm just that kind of guy.
Now, I've mentioned my Laser Scanner/Pointer Thingie of Death (LS/PToD) that resides on my desk before. Here is a rendering of myself with said Implement of Doom. I call it "Laser Jay":
I figured that since my two dimensional alterego couldn't get in a whole lot of trouble, I'd live vicariously through him & have some fun with the LS/PToD. And make a few bucks on the side performing Lasik surgery:
No, the person's head is not on fire. Nor am I performing laser surgery on Larry from the Three Stooges.
I decided long ago that if I ever gained super powers through some industrial accident involving radiation or came into possession of a super powerful object, I'd use it for the betterment of mankind. (Well, after the initial wasting of my power showing off & being really obnoxious with it) This drawing shows me in action, saving Puerto Rican goat farmers from the heartache of finding their livestock drained of their life fluids.
Yes, Loyal readers, I'm talking 'bout El Chupacabra:
And now Latin American goat farmers can rest soundly knowing that Laser Jay & his trusty LS/PToD is on the job.
Before I get too far into this, I'd like to give a big thanks to the fair & lovely Amy of Badgroove for watching over the place. My apologies for the tardiness of the kudos, Amy. You're aces!
I was looking through the junk that I tranferred over to the new computer (about six months ago - I'm nothing if not a procrastinator) & found the following works of art, commissioned during some slow periods at work & I thought I'd share them with you.
'Cause I'm just that kind of guy.
Now, I've mentioned my Laser Scanner/Pointer Thingie of Death (LS/PToD) that resides on my desk before. Here is a rendering of myself with said Implement of Doom. I call it "Laser Jay":
I figured that since my two dimensional alterego couldn't get in a whole lot of trouble, I'd live vicariously through him & have some fun with the LS/PToD. And make a few bucks on the side performing Lasik surgery:
No, the person's head is not on fire. Nor am I performing laser surgery on Larry from the Three Stooges.
I decided long ago that if I ever gained super powers through some industrial accident involving radiation or came into possession of a super powerful object, I'd use it for the betterment of mankind. (Well, after the initial wasting of my power showing off & being really obnoxious with it) This drawing shows me in action, saving Puerto Rican goat farmers from the heartache of finding their livestock drained of their life fluids.
Yes, Loyal readers, I'm talking 'bout El Chupacabra:
And now Latin American goat farmers can rest soundly knowing that Laser Jay & his trusty LS/PToD is on the job.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
This is not J..and no I do not play him on TV. This is Amy...and I play Amy on badgroove.com. I promised to help keep J's little corner of the web warm until he gets back from his annual thankmas festivities.
I have to tell you all of an experience...I had to use the restroom at work. And now that I am in a large high volume building I decided to use the restroom at the opposite end of where I usually go. I went in and was doing my thing...when KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK on the bathroom door (now this is a large five seater so to speak so I thought that was odd...and then I hear it:
MAINTENANCE...
Now what to do? Do I hollar out: YO! WOMAN INSIDE???
Instead I coughed and that seemed to be enough...
When I came out, right outside of the door was a bucket and plunger...and not far from that a friendly looking maintenance man.
He said: Is there anyone else in there?
As he asked this..another girl walks into the bathroom...
I said JUST HER.
I left for my car...to get some stuff out of the back that I bought to festivize the office...and on my way back the poor maintenance guy was still waiting...every time someone would walk out...three more would walk in!!
I have to tell you all of an experience...I had to use the restroom at work. And now that I am in a large high volume building I decided to use the restroom at the opposite end of where I usually go. I went in and was doing my thing...when KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK on the bathroom door (now this is a large five seater so to speak so I thought that was odd...and then I hear it:
MAINTENANCE...
Now what to do? Do I hollar out: YO! WOMAN INSIDE???
Instead I coughed and that seemed to be enough...
When I came out, right outside of the door was a bucket and plunger...and not far from that a friendly looking maintenance man.
He said: Is there anyone else in there?
As he asked this..another girl walks into the bathroom...
I said JUST HER.
I left for my car...to get some stuff out of the back that I bought to festivize the office...and on my way back the poor maintenance guy was still waiting...every time someone would walk out...three more would walk in!!
Friday, December 01, 2006
Look! Up In The Sky!
It's a bird! It's a plane! It's...wait. It is a plane. And we're going to be on it.
That's right, Loyal Readers, it's time once again for Thanksmas. And because of that, T & I are catching a redeye out of Dodge tonight. But don't you worry, never fear! We'll be back soon & I'm sure that I'll have all sorts of tales of fun & frivolity to regale you with. Yes, all two of you.
Be good while I'm away. There's cookies on the counter & sodas in the fridge.
It's a bird! It's a plane! It's...wait. It is a plane. And we're going to be on it.
That's right, Loyal Readers, it's time once again for Thanksmas. And because of that, T & I are catching a redeye out of Dodge tonight. But don't you worry, never fear! We'll be back soon & I'm sure that I'll have all sorts of tales of fun & frivolity to regale you with. Yes, all two of you.
Be good while I'm away. There's cookies on the counter & sodas in the fridge.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Let's Give The Man A Handle!
A few weeks ago, the outside door handle on T's clowncar broke off. Just snapped, right in her hand. So, her being her, she promptly set about locating a replacement piece, finding out the hard way that finding parts for discontinued, non-classic variety cars is quite the task. She finally found one online & within a few days we had in our hot l'il hands a brand spankin' new handle.
And, me being me, it took me about two weeks to finally get around to installing it.
This is when I found out that her car was apparently designed by evil, sadistic, cranky, flatulent gnomes with teeny, tiny little hands, suffering from hemorrhoids. The same ones, in fact, that designed the engine compartment for my clowncar. I found this out when, after finally figuring out how to take the door panel off, I discovered that, while the makers of the car were kind enough to provide access holes to see the door handle, they neglected to actually place the hole where I could get my hands in to reach the bolts. Yes, I could see almost the entire inside of the door, but the one place that I needed to get to was blocked by a piece of sheet metal.
After fighting to get the last bolt removed (& pretty much destroying the old handle, thus mandating that I had to get the new one installed at all costs), the new handle was set in place, the lock was clipped in & the opening mechanism (that could not, under any circumstances, be removed without destroying the new handle) was attached. It was at this point that another cruel joke was played upon us by the gassy wee folk: one of the bolt eyelets either was bent as I fought to extrude the hidden bolt or came that way as a factory option.
I'm leaning toward the option idea. Stupid farting gnomes...
Needless to say, the handle wouldn't fit properly with only one bolt holding it in. So, what started out as a supposedly simple repair turned into a tug-o'-war with the inside of the driver's side door. Imagine, if you will, trying to fit your hand, while holding a pair of pliers, into a small metal coffee can that had been opened with an old fashioned can opener, so that you felt every single, jagged piece of metal stab into your wrist as you tried to turn your hand around. I'm surprised that T & I didn't lose consciousness due to the severe bloodloss we experienced. I know we were both a little woosy after we finished.
Anyway, after about three hours of pushing, pulling, bending, twisting & praying, we finally, FINALLY got the stupid holes to line up & finished the installation of the doorhandle from Hell. After many test openings & closings, I can, for possibly the first time in my entire life, claim that a job that I did on the car is 100%, completely finished.
I am Man; hear me whine!
A few weeks ago, the outside door handle on T's clowncar broke off. Just snapped, right in her hand. So, her being her, she promptly set about locating a replacement piece, finding out the hard way that finding parts for discontinued, non-classic variety cars is quite the task. She finally found one online & within a few days we had in our hot l'il hands a brand spankin' new handle.
And, me being me, it took me about two weeks to finally get around to installing it.
This is when I found out that her car was apparently designed by evil, sadistic, cranky, flatulent gnomes with teeny, tiny little hands, suffering from hemorrhoids. The same ones, in fact, that designed the engine compartment for my clowncar. I found this out when, after finally figuring out how to take the door panel off, I discovered that, while the makers of the car were kind enough to provide access holes to see the door handle, they neglected to actually place the hole where I could get my hands in to reach the bolts. Yes, I could see almost the entire inside of the door, but the one place that I needed to get to was blocked by a piece of sheet metal.
After fighting to get the last bolt removed (& pretty much destroying the old handle, thus mandating that I had to get the new one installed at all costs), the new handle was set in place, the lock was clipped in & the opening mechanism (that could not, under any circumstances, be removed without destroying the new handle) was attached. It was at this point that another cruel joke was played upon us by the gassy wee folk: one of the bolt eyelets either was bent as I fought to extrude the hidden bolt or came that way as a factory option.
I'm leaning toward the option idea. Stupid farting gnomes...
Needless to say, the handle wouldn't fit properly with only one bolt holding it in. So, what started out as a supposedly simple repair turned into a tug-o'-war with the inside of the driver's side door. Imagine, if you will, trying to fit your hand, while holding a pair of pliers, into a small metal coffee can that had been opened with an old fashioned can opener, so that you felt every single, jagged piece of metal stab into your wrist as you tried to turn your hand around. I'm surprised that T & I didn't lose consciousness due to the severe bloodloss we experienced. I know we were both a little woosy after we finished.
Anyway, after about three hours of pushing, pulling, bending, twisting & praying, we finally, FINALLY got the stupid holes to line up & finished the installation of the doorhandle from Hell. After many test openings & closings, I can, for possibly the first time in my entire life, claim that a job that I did on the car is 100%, completely finished.
I am Man; hear me whine!
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Not To Worry!
If you're coming here for your weekly Heroes ramblings & are simply beside yourself with grief over the fact that your usual Wednesday fix isn't here, fret not, Loyal Reader! I was sick yesterday, so the weekly meeting of the Tuesday Morning Heroes Club was postponed & then today, my employer actually wanted me to work on schtuff.
I know! I could hardly believe it myself!
Anyway, I'll have what will no doubt be another long, meandering &, ultimately, pointless post about a TV show up & ready for your perusal shortly.
I know! I can't wait either!
In the meantime, why don't you tell me what you're going to do with the two & a half hours you'd normally be spending reading my blatherings, hmm?
If you're coming here for your weekly Heroes ramblings & are simply beside yourself with grief over the fact that your usual Wednesday fix isn't here, fret not, Loyal Reader! I was sick yesterday, so the weekly meeting of the Tuesday Morning Heroes Club was postponed & then today, my employer actually wanted me to work on schtuff.
I know! I could hardly believe it myself!
Anyway, I'll have what will no doubt be another long, meandering &, ultimately, pointless post about a TV show up & ready for your perusal shortly.
I know! I can't wait either!
In the meantime, why don't you tell me what you're going to do with the two & a half hours you'd normally be spending reading my blatherings, hmm?
"Do Not Drive, Operate Heavy Machinery Or Vote After Taking This Medication"
It may have been the copius amounts of codeine that I'd ingested over the course of the day in a vain attempt to stop my brains from liquefying & running out of my nose, but I voted for Richard 'Dick' Mountjoy for some office last night...
...just because his name made me giggle.
Ladies & Gentlemen, this is the reason that there should be sobriety check points at the polling place.
It may have been the copius amounts of codeine that I'd ingested over the course of the day in a vain attempt to stop my brains from liquefying & running out of my nose, but I voted for Richard 'Dick' Mountjoy for some office last night...
...just because his name made me giggle.
Ladies & Gentlemen, this is the reason that there should be sobriety check points at the polling place.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Heroes, Week Six
Spoilers, spoilers, blah, blah, blah...
Highlights
Last week's episode showed the heroes all starting to come together. This week, they seemed to be drifting apart again.
Hiro & Peter finally talk (with Ando acting as translator). Peter informs him that FN Hiro came to him with the message "Save the Cheerleader, save the world," which seems to have the same affect on Hiro that it did on Peter: a confused look. The Dynamic Duo decide to head to New York, but are sidetracked when the guy that they'd screwed over at the casino comes looking for them again (what, beating the snot out of two foreigners wasn't enough for the guy?). The high rollers eventually end up toast & Hiro & Ando escape through the bathroom window.
Peter & Isaac are trying to put together Isaac's paintings to figure out what they're saying. These are put together like the panels in a comic book, with the first, &, of course, most important piece, missing. Isaac can't remember what it was (see what drug use does to you, kiddies?), but does know that Simone had taken it with a bunch of other paintings to sell. So, off goes Peter to try to locate the missing piece.
Mohinder makes to skeedaddle, telling Eden that, basically, he thinks Peter's wheel is spinning but his hamster's dead & that Isaac is, well...a junkie & he has doubts about his precog abilities. Eden tries to get Mo to stay, apparently by trying to suck his tonsils out of his throat. Mo takes his leave as Eden tells him that he'll be back. Later, we find out that Eden's working with CD. She's given orders to bring in Isaac, showing up at his studio later in the episode.
Claire gears up to meet her 'bio-parents' & tries to get some idea as to whether they're supers as well. The whole thing is awkward for all involved, especially when Claire's mom gets territorial. The parents leave, but not before having a conversation with CD that reveals - gasp! - that they're not really Claire's biological parents. If my theory about CD being a red herring & not really being a bad guy pans out, this here is a prime example of how heavy handed the writers can be sometimes. One of my chief complaints about the show from the get go has been the way that the audience is clobbered over the head with the "Get it? GET IT? GET IT?!?" type of 'subtle' writing.
Writers of Heroes? My head's starting to hurt from being pummeled every week. Please stop it.
The Niki-arc continues with her reunion with DL, which dominates a good portion of the show. Since Niki's not one of my favorite characters, this proved to try my attention span. And, yet again, the writers brought out the Baseball Bat o' Subtlety to beat me over the head with. DL keeps telling Niki that he's going to figure out who it was that set him up & who killed his crew & all that. It comes as absolutely no surprise that it's Evil Niki who's behind it all. I mean, all they needed was a music 'sting' & the scene would've been complete. DL finally puts everything together when he finds Good Niki with a suitcase full of stolen money. DL phases into Niki's abdomen, gives her spleen a squeeze & bolts with the money & Micah. We end this week's episode, pulling away from Niki's apparently lifeless body laying on the floor & some gobbledy-gook about evolution.
How touching...
Gripes? I got 'em
My main gripe this week is, as I'd mentioned above, with the writers (looking back at my previous reviews, this seems to be a running gripe). I know that myself & the thousands of other comic geeks out there have a good idea of where things are going in each episode, so we have a bit of an unfair advantage. But, c'mon, some of the points that we're kicked in our collective nads with every week are a bit much. Peoples Evidence Exhibit 1: Claire's fake biological parents. The guy playing her 'father' all but put his finger to the side of his nose & slyly winked at CD to indicate that he's in on the deception. Peoples Evidence Exhibit 2: Every time DL talked about "the person" that set him up & stole his stolen money, he'd look right at Good Niki. And I don't mean that he looked at her like people having a normal conversation look at each other. I'm talking about the kind where he practically leans in close to her, stares at her intently & says "When I find the person, Niki, who set me up, Niki, & let me rot in prison, Niki, etc."
C'mon guys, give the audience a little credit.
Problems?
Well, other than this universe's crummy Las Vegas police department (Niki & DL are sitting out on the back patio having breakfast; the officer standing watch outside the night before thought her heard talking in the house - from his cruiser! Yet, the next morning, Niki & DL are having breakfast on the back patio & the police don't hear anything? And what about the commotion when Evil Niki & DL rearranged the furniture in her bedroom? Maybe the cop on the overnight watch has super hearing or something.), there weren't many problems this episode.
I guess if I want to pick some nits, I could say, according to all I've ever learned in comic books & just basic logic, that DL reaching into Evil Niki & doing whatever it was he did to her insides just wouldn't work.
Just humor the comic geek & work with me here, OK? I'm about to go all psuedo-science uber-geek on y'all.
DL's power is the ability to phase through material, basically separating his molecules enough so that they pass in between the molecules of another object. That's the good part. The bad part is that if you solidify while in another object, it'll cause massive shock to your body, killing you. Now, as we saw in the scene where DL comes out of the wall & grabs Niki, it is possible for him to phase parts of his body while other parts remain solid, which I agree with.
The part that doesn't work is later, when DL reaches into Evil Niki. Phasing into her wouldn't cause a problem. In fact, since he can evidentally phase his clothes along with him, he could probably phase another person if he's in contact with them. But it looks like he phases into Evil Niki & strangles her from the inside. This just would not work. I mean, have you ever seen just how compact everything is in a typical human torso? If DL solidified inside of Evil Niki, he would have become one with her intestinal tract, causing, if not a death dealing shock to DL's system (not to mention Evil Niki's guts), then at least enough of a shock to 'short' him out for awhile. This is why teleporters like Nightcrawler of The X-Men are reluctant to 'port into places that they don't have a line-of-sight with or somewhere that they've never seen before.
Teleport or Phase + Wall = Ouch!
New Theories?
Now on to my favorite part of these reviews!
And, wouldn't you know it, I'm having a dickens of a time thinking of any new ones.
I'm sticking with the theory that CD isn't bad, but rather is Claire's protector.
Miguelito's still sticking with his incredible shrinking MM theory.
I'm also sticking with my theory that Good Niki will struggle with Evil Niki, culminating in her eventual heroic, sacrificial death. Fueling this is the end of this week's episode. I'm thinking that Evil Niki's going to have more control over Good Niki for a bit, due to all of the drama going on around her. Good/Evil Niki's been compared to Bruce Banner/the Incredible Hulk. Now, we all know that we don't want to make Dr. Banner angry, because we wouldn't like him when he's angry. Evil Niki seems to manifest herself in much the same way: Good Niki gets stressed out or something traumatic happens & out pops Evil Niki to reap vengeance on those who would dare to screw with her. Now that DL's absconded with Micah, she's going to be in mega-torqued, out-for-blood mode.
Nice knowing you, DL. Hope you have your funeral plans in order.
Next up, the (not so) surprising revelation that Eden's working with CD. Yeah, we didn't see this coming. Anyway, in keeping with the whole CD-is-Claire's-protector theory, I'm guessing that Eden's not a bad guy...er, girl, despite what the writers want us to think. I'm also betting that she's not going to be the one to kill Isaac.
What? Kill Isaac?
Yep. Look at the date. Remember back early on when Hiro found Isaac's brainless body in his loft? Remember when this was all supposed to happen?
That's right - about five weeks into the future. Since Election Day is this next Tuesday, & Hiro saw a newspaper headline proclaiming that Nathan won the election, New York City's about to go BOOM!
Think back again to the episode where Eden startled Mohinder by coming into his dad's apartment unexpectedly. He pulled a gun on her, right? A gun that looks to be the exact same one that Hiro picked up in Isaac's studio.
So, here's my thought: Eden, working for the good guys (& not having an incredible shrinking MM in her pocket for back up), has been sent to bring in Isaac. She pulls the gun that Mohinder left behind on him to 'persuade' him to come along. But, before that goes any further, Sylar ambushes them & Eden uses (or tries to use) the gun &, in the timeline that was established before the outbreak of super powered humans started, Eden escapes & Sylar has Isaac brains with a nice bernaise sauce for lunch. Of course, now that Hiro knows what's going to happen, the course of time can be altered so as to upset Sylar's lunch date.
This next one sounds a bit far fetched, but, hey - we're dealing with a show about people who can fly & read minds; give me a break! Anyway, after the whole Claire-meets-the-BioParents scene, Claire's mom talks about how they tried to find her biological parents when she was an infant, because she had something a serious cough going on, but never could locate them. My theory is that there never were any parents. Yes, I'm thinking that Claire was 'made', not 'born'. CD obviously knows this, as he's involved with whatever it is that's going on. She was placed with him to monitor her growth & progress. The cough that her mother refers to could have been some glitch in the whole test-tube/cloning bit.
It's possible that the other supers were also 'created'. This would explain CD's comment about Matt having come along farther than they expected when Matt read his mind. It would also possibly explain how CD knows about Isaac, Niki, Peter & Nathan.
And finally, this is a theory (well, more of a prediction, actually) that's still in the seedling stage: Hiro's going to finally get tired of Ando rationalizing all of the compromises that he gets Hiro to make. Hiro wants to be honorable & do the right thing. I get the feeling, for awhile, at least, that the two of them may split. And they won't make up as quick & easy as they did after Ando went looking for Niki.
I've noticed, in looking back through these reviews, that I sound like I'm a little hard on the show. That couldn't be further from the truth, though. So, I'm going to add one more section to this beast, something I'll call:
Kudos or something stupid like that
Overall, this episode was a little...well...boring, I guess would be a good choice of words, although it doesn't quite feel strong enough. Niki's just not one of my favorite characters (someone told me something to the effect of you know the character's boring when no matter how many skanky outfits or states of undress you put the person in, they still can't hold your attention. Too true). The parts that had to do with her (which constituted most of the episode) dragged on like a soap opera. It was a boring storyline for a boring character.
I know what you're thinking: "This is what he considers a kudo?"
Well, you didn't let me finish.
The best part of this &, so far, every episode, has had to do with Hiro. He's the only character on here that you really care for. Well, Claire, too, but mainly because she's the central focus of this whole thing. Hiro, to me, represents the kid in us. Or, more to the point, the kid in all of us comic geeks. C'mon, all you geeks out there, be honest - when you were younger & read comic books, you dreamed of what it would be like to fly or swing from webs or to have super strength & whatnot. We all wondered what we'd do if we were suddenly granted these abilities (shoot, I tried to design a wall crawling rig using electromagnets - yes, I'm a geek). And I'll bet you a shiny new penny that, for those of us leaning more toward the Light Side of the Force, we wanted to be the hero & save the world.
That's Hiro.
He's idealistic, thinking that he's been given this ability for a reason (which he has) & that he's destined to be a hero. Having fed his imagination with comics, he wants to be like Superman, to do good & to help others. He wants Ando to be his sidekick. Whether he says so or not, he wants a cool costume (the look on his face when Ando told him that FN Hiro had a sword was priceless). The look of sadness on his face after the massacre at the poker party is the look of someone growing & realizing that he can't save everyone, no matter how much he wants to. It's a truth that every superhero, from Superman to Mighty Mouse, has to realize at some point. It means that, inspite of being able to teleport & bend time & space, he's human.
I'll give the writers a hearty pat on the back for some mighty fine writing where Hiro is concerned.
Now, if they just do something about Niki...
Spoilers, spoilers, blah, blah, blah...
Highlights
Last week's episode showed the heroes all starting to come together. This week, they seemed to be drifting apart again.
Hiro & Peter finally talk (with Ando acting as translator). Peter informs him that FN Hiro came to him with the message "Save the Cheerleader, save the world," which seems to have the same affect on Hiro that it did on Peter: a confused look. The Dynamic Duo decide to head to New York, but are sidetracked when the guy that they'd screwed over at the casino comes looking for them again (what, beating the snot out of two foreigners wasn't enough for the guy?). The high rollers eventually end up toast & Hiro & Ando escape through the bathroom window.
Peter & Isaac are trying to put together Isaac's paintings to figure out what they're saying. These are put together like the panels in a comic book, with the first, &, of course, most important piece, missing. Isaac can't remember what it was (see what drug use does to you, kiddies?), but does know that Simone had taken it with a bunch of other paintings to sell. So, off goes Peter to try to locate the missing piece.
Mohinder makes to skeedaddle, telling Eden that, basically, he thinks Peter's wheel is spinning but his hamster's dead & that Isaac is, well...a junkie & he has doubts about his precog abilities. Eden tries to get Mo to stay, apparently by trying to suck his tonsils out of his throat. Mo takes his leave as Eden tells him that he'll be back. Later, we find out that Eden's working with CD. She's given orders to bring in Isaac, showing up at his studio later in the episode.
Claire gears up to meet her 'bio-parents' & tries to get some idea as to whether they're supers as well. The whole thing is awkward for all involved, especially when Claire's mom gets territorial. The parents leave, but not before having a conversation with CD that reveals - gasp! - that they're not really Claire's biological parents. If my theory about CD being a red herring & not really being a bad guy pans out, this here is a prime example of how heavy handed the writers can be sometimes. One of my chief complaints about the show from the get go has been the way that the audience is clobbered over the head with the "Get it? GET IT? GET IT?!?" type of 'subtle' writing.
Writers of Heroes? My head's starting to hurt from being pummeled every week. Please stop it.
The Niki-arc continues with her reunion with DL, which dominates a good portion of the show. Since Niki's not one of my favorite characters, this proved to try my attention span. And, yet again, the writers brought out the Baseball Bat o' Subtlety to beat me over the head with. DL keeps telling Niki that he's going to figure out who it was that set him up & who killed his crew & all that. It comes as absolutely no surprise that it's Evil Niki who's behind it all. I mean, all they needed was a music 'sting' & the scene would've been complete. DL finally puts everything together when he finds Good Niki with a suitcase full of stolen money. DL phases into Niki's abdomen, gives her spleen a squeeze & bolts with the money & Micah. We end this week's episode, pulling away from Niki's apparently lifeless body laying on the floor & some gobbledy-gook about evolution.
How touching...
Gripes? I got 'em
My main gripe this week is, as I'd mentioned above, with the writers (looking back at my previous reviews, this seems to be a running gripe). I know that myself & the thousands of other comic geeks out there have a good idea of where things are going in each episode, so we have a bit of an unfair advantage. But, c'mon, some of the points that we're kicked in our collective nads with every week are a bit much. Peoples Evidence Exhibit 1: Claire's fake biological parents. The guy playing her 'father' all but put his finger to the side of his nose & slyly winked at CD to indicate that he's in on the deception. Peoples Evidence Exhibit 2: Every time DL talked about "the person" that set him up & stole his stolen money, he'd look right at Good Niki. And I don't mean that he looked at her like people having a normal conversation look at each other. I'm talking about the kind where he practically leans in close to her, stares at her intently & says "When I find the person, Niki, who set me up, Niki, & let me rot in prison, Niki, etc."
C'mon guys, give the audience a little credit.
Problems?
Well, other than this universe's crummy Las Vegas police department (Niki & DL are sitting out on the back patio having breakfast; the officer standing watch outside the night before thought her heard talking in the house - from his cruiser! Yet, the next morning, Niki & DL are having breakfast on the back patio & the police don't hear anything? And what about the commotion when Evil Niki & DL rearranged the furniture in her bedroom? Maybe the cop on the overnight watch has super hearing or something.), there weren't many problems this episode.
I guess if I want to pick some nits, I could say, according to all I've ever learned in comic books & just basic logic, that DL reaching into Evil Niki & doing whatever it was he did to her insides just wouldn't work.
Just humor the comic geek & work with me here, OK? I'm about to go all psuedo-science uber-geek on y'all.
DL's power is the ability to phase through material, basically separating his molecules enough so that they pass in between the molecules of another object. That's the good part. The bad part is that if you solidify while in another object, it'll cause massive shock to your body, killing you. Now, as we saw in the scene where DL comes out of the wall & grabs Niki, it is possible for him to phase parts of his body while other parts remain solid, which I agree with.
The part that doesn't work is later, when DL reaches into Evil Niki. Phasing into her wouldn't cause a problem. In fact, since he can evidentally phase his clothes along with him, he could probably phase another person if he's in contact with them. But it looks like he phases into Evil Niki & strangles her from the inside. This just would not work. I mean, have you ever seen just how compact everything is in a typical human torso? If DL solidified inside of Evil Niki, he would have become one with her intestinal tract, causing, if not a death dealing shock to DL's system (not to mention Evil Niki's guts), then at least enough of a shock to 'short' him out for awhile. This is why teleporters like Nightcrawler of The X-Men are reluctant to 'port into places that they don't have a line-of-sight with or somewhere that they've never seen before.
Teleport or Phase + Wall = Ouch!
New Theories?
Now on to my favorite part of these reviews!
And, wouldn't you know it, I'm having a dickens of a time thinking of any new ones.
I'm sticking with the theory that CD isn't bad, but rather is Claire's protector.
Miguelito's still sticking with his incredible shrinking MM theory.
I'm also sticking with my theory that Good Niki will struggle with Evil Niki, culminating in her eventual heroic, sacrificial death. Fueling this is the end of this week's episode. I'm thinking that Evil Niki's going to have more control over Good Niki for a bit, due to all of the drama going on around her. Good/Evil Niki's been compared to Bruce Banner/the Incredible Hulk. Now, we all know that we don't want to make Dr. Banner angry, because we wouldn't like him when he's angry. Evil Niki seems to manifest herself in much the same way: Good Niki gets stressed out or something traumatic happens & out pops Evil Niki to reap vengeance on those who would dare to screw with her. Now that DL's absconded with Micah, she's going to be in mega-torqued, out-for-blood mode.
Nice knowing you, DL. Hope you have your funeral plans in order.
Next up, the (not so) surprising revelation that Eden's working with CD. Yeah, we didn't see this coming. Anyway, in keeping with the whole CD-is-Claire's-protector theory, I'm guessing that Eden's not a bad guy...er, girl, despite what the writers want us to think. I'm also betting that she's not going to be the one to kill Isaac.
What? Kill Isaac?
Yep. Look at the date. Remember back early on when Hiro found Isaac's brainless body in his loft? Remember when this was all supposed to happen?
That's right - about five weeks into the future. Since Election Day is this next Tuesday, & Hiro saw a newspaper headline proclaiming that Nathan won the election, New York City's about to go BOOM!
Think back again to the episode where Eden startled Mohinder by coming into his dad's apartment unexpectedly. He pulled a gun on her, right? A gun that looks to be the exact same one that Hiro picked up in Isaac's studio.
So, here's my thought: Eden, working for the good guys (& not having an incredible shrinking MM in her pocket for back up), has been sent to bring in Isaac. She pulls the gun that Mohinder left behind on him to 'persuade' him to come along. But, before that goes any further, Sylar ambushes them & Eden uses (or tries to use) the gun &, in the timeline that was established before the outbreak of super powered humans started, Eden escapes & Sylar has Isaac brains with a nice bernaise sauce for lunch. Of course, now that Hiro knows what's going to happen, the course of time can be altered so as to upset Sylar's lunch date.
This next one sounds a bit far fetched, but, hey - we're dealing with a show about people who can fly & read minds; give me a break! Anyway, after the whole Claire-meets-the-BioParents scene, Claire's mom talks about how they tried to find her biological parents when she was an infant, because she had something a serious cough going on, but never could locate them. My theory is that there never were any parents. Yes, I'm thinking that Claire was 'made', not 'born'. CD obviously knows this, as he's involved with whatever it is that's going on. She was placed with him to monitor her growth & progress. The cough that her mother refers to could have been some glitch in the whole test-tube/cloning bit.
It's possible that the other supers were also 'created'. This would explain CD's comment about Matt having come along farther than they expected when Matt read his mind. It would also possibly explain how CD knows about Isaac, Niki, Peter & Nathan.
And finally, this is a theory (well, more of a prediction, actually) that's still in the seedling stage: Hiro's going to finally get tired of Ando rationalizing all of the compromises that he gets Hiro to make. Hiro wants to be honorable & do the right thing. I get the feeling, for awhile, at least, that the two of them may split. And they won't make up as quick & easy as they did after Ando went looking for Niki.
I've noticed, in looking back through these reviews, that I sound like I'm a little hard on the show. That couldn't be further from the truth, though. So, I'm going to add one more section to this beast, something I'll call:
Kudos or something stupid like that
Overall, this episode was a little...well...boring, I guess would be a good choice of words, although it doesn't quite feel strong enough. Niki's just not one of my favorite characters (someone told me something to the effect of you know the character's boring when no matter how many skanky outfits or states of undress you put the person in, they still can't hold your attention. Too true). The parts that had to do with her (which constituted most of the episode) dragged on like a soap opera. It was a boring storyline for a boring character.
I know what you're thinking: "This is what he considers a kudo?"
Well, you didn't let me finish.
The best part of this &, so far, every episode, has had to do with Hiro. He's the only character on here that you really care for. Well, Claire, too, but mainly because she's the central focus of this whole thing. Hiro, to me, represents the kid in us. Or, more to the point, the kid in all of us comic geeks. C'mon, all you geeks out there, be honest - when you were younger & read comic books, you dreamed of what it would be like to fly or swing from webs or to have super strength & whatnot. We all wondered what we'd do if we were suddenly granted these abilities (shoot, I tried to design a wall crawling rig using electromagnets - yes, I'm a geek). And I'll bet you a shiny new penny that, for those of us leaning more toward the Light Side of the Force, we wanted to be the hero & save the world.
That's Hiro.
He's idealistic, thinking that he's been given this ability for a reason (which he has) & that he's destined to be a hero. Having fed his imagination with comics, he wants to be like Superman, to do good & to help others. He wants Ando to be his sidekick. Whether he says so or not, he wants a cool costume (the look on his face when Ando told him that FN Hiro had a sword was priceless). The look of sadness on his face after the massacre at the poker party is the look of someone growing & realizing that he can't save everyone, no matter how much he wants to. It's a truth that every superhero, from Superman to Mighty Mouse, has to realize at some point. It means that, inspite of being able to teleport & bend time & space, he's human.
I'll give the writers a hearty pat on the back for some mighty fine writing where Hiro is concerned.
Now, if they just do something about Niki...
Monday, October 30, 2006
Why I Have The Bestest Wife In The Universe
Eight little words: Handmade Jedi cloak & Grant Lee Phillips tickets.
Yeah. She so rocks!
You're the ab-so-lute best, Beautiful!
Eight little words: Handmade Jedi cloak & Grant Lee Phillips tickets.
Yeah. She so rocks!
You're the ab-so-lute best, Beautiful!
Friday, October 27, 2006
Here We Go Again
The shadows are turning blue & the sunlight's being filtered through smoke, turning the light a weird orange hue & making it look like sunset all day long.
Yep, we've got us another big fire, this time about 20 miles to the southeast of us in Cabazon. It's close enough to be able to see at night. The sound of air tankers going over & the smell of smoke in the air conjure up images of WW II movies.
I just wish this was only a movie.
I'm sure that a lot of you have seen the reports on TV (it's actually made the national news). Over 24,000 acres scorched in just over a day & a half. The last I heard, ten structures, including homes, had been destroyed. And, sadly, four firefighters have died & one's in critical condition with burns over 95% of his body. The authorities have determined that it was set by an arsonist & was set in just the right place to insure that the Santa Ana winds would fan it, optimizing the damage potential.
Send your well wishes & prayers to the people who've lost their homes, the ones at risk of losing their homes, the families of the four firefighters who lost their lives yesterday & the firefighters still out there.
Great...I just heard on the radio that some idiot is driving along Highway 18 (one of the main routes up into the San Bernardino mountains) setting cardboard boxes on fire & throwing them out his truck window. Fortunately, motorists have stopped to put out the boxes & have given the police a good description of the moron.
Sigh...what is wrong with people?
The shadows are turning blue & the sunlight's being filtered through smoke, turning the light a weird orange hue & making it look like sunset all day long.
Yep, we've got us another big fire, this time about 20 miles to the southeast of us in Cabazon. It's close enough to be able to see at night. The sound of air tankers going over & the smell of smoke in the air conjure up images of WW II movies.
I just wish this was only a movie.
I'm sure that a lot of you have seen the reports on TV (it's actually made the national news). Over 24,000 acres scorched in just over a day & a half. The last I heard, ten structures, including homes, had been destroyed. And, sadly, four firefighters have died & one's in critical condition with burns over 95% of his body. The authorities have determined that it was set by an arsonist & was set in just the right place to insure that the Santa Ana winds would fan it, optimizing the damage potential.
Send your well wishes & prayers to the people who've lost their homes, the ones at risk of losing their homes, the families of the four firefighters who lost their lives yesterday & the firefighters still out there.
Great...I just heard on the radio that some idiot is driving along Highway 18 (one of the main routes up into the San Bernardino mountains) setting cardboard boxes on fire & throwing them out his truck window. Fortunately, motorists have stopped to put out the boxes & have given the police a good description of the moron.
Sigh...what is wrong with people?
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
My Super Power List
Being the geek that I am (not to be confused with being a ‘dork’ or a ‘dweeb’ or even [shudder] a ‘nerd’), I’ve been trying to figure out what my super power is. So, I’ve made a list of super powers that I don’t have & a list of ones that I do.
First up, the powers that I’m lacking:
Super speed
Flight
Superhuman strength
The ability to make my work complete itself just by staring at it
Time/space warping (although, I can do the ‘Time Warp’)
Dancing
Telepathy
Pyrokinesis
The ability to burp on command
Precognitive visions
Invulnerability
Now, the powers that I do possess:
Super good looks
Super modesty
Superhumanly strong, nigh invulnerable chin whiskers
Super flatus so powerful that it can rattle the windows & peel the paint off the walls – of the neighbor’s apartment
A super leadfoot
Super human belly button lint production
Super ability to shut my brain off & not have a single thought cross my mind at any given time
Super ability to grow hair in weird & completely useless places
Super strong stomach
Super annoying ability to draw super annoying people to my general vicinity
That’s a pretty impressive list. I think I’ll start designing my costume tonight - made completely from my super belly button lint!
Being the geek that I am (not to be confused with being a ‘dork’ or a ‘dweeb’ or even [shudder] a ‘nerd’), I’ve been trying to figure out what my super power is. So, I’ve made a list of super powers that I don’t have & a list of ones that I do.
First up, the powers that I’m lacking:
Super speed
Flight
Superhuman strength
The ability to make my work complete itself just by staring at it
Time/space warping (although, I can do the ‘Time Warp’)
Dancing
Telepathy
Pyrokinesis
The ability to burp on command
Precognitive visions
Invulnerability
Now, the powers that I do possess:
Super good looks
Super modesty
Superhumanly strong, nigh invulnerable chin whiskers
Super flatus so powerful that it can rattle the windows & peel the paint off the walls – of the neighbor’s apartment
A super leadfoot
Super human belly button lint production
Super ability to shut my brain off & not have a single thought cross my mind at any given time
Super ability to grow hair in weird & completely useless places
Super strong stomach
Super annoying ability to draw super annoying people to my general vicinity
That’s a pretty impressive list. I think I’ll start designing my costume tonight - made completely from my super belly button lint!
Heroes, Week Five
Obligatory spoiler alert *** Obligatory spoiler alert *** Obligatory spoiler alert
Highlights
I actually took notes while watching this episode, instead of relying on my memory to write this. I found this to be a big mistake, as A) I’m a horrible note taker & B) I suck at following the crappy notes that I do take. So, this week’s Highlights section will be less of a blow-by-blow, like last week, & more of a general overview. Let me know in the comments section which format you prefer, Loyal Readers – short & sweet or long & ridiculously detailed.
With this episode, the heroes are all starting to meet up: Future Ninja Hiro relays his vague (of course) message to Peter on the subway (“Save the Cheerleader, save the world.” No names. No telling Peter where to find her. Some messenger you are. Thanks for clearing things up, FN Hiro); Hiro sees Nathan come in for a landing (in his pajamas!) after Nathan escapes from CD & MM; Nathan & Good Niki discuss their interlude from last week & the blackmail attempt on Nathan; Isaac & Peter collaborate to try to put together the paintings; Peter then finishes one of Isaac’s precog paintings, this one showing a menacing shadow figure looming over Claire’s body, laying in a pool of blood sans the top of her head; & Ando, whose powers seem to be super horndogginess & the ability to track down Internet strippers, shows up on Niki’s doorstep.
Oh yeah, & we have a bit of a family reunion as DL finally makes an appearance at Niki’s.
Yes, everything seems to be coming together.
We also get to see some of the characters stretching out with their new abilities starting with Nathan learning that he can fly at supersonic speeds. Peter finds that he’s able to mimic Isaac’s precog painter ability without the use of mind altering drugs. And Matt the PsiCop’s mind reading talent seems to be a bit hard for him to control, as his head nearly explodes when he becomes overwhelmed by the thoughts of everyone in a local Qwik-E-Mart where he went to get some ice cream for his wife after some sweet lovin’. (Maybe it was just the oxytocin & he was really tired)
And the show wouldn’t be complete without leaving us all hanging as Peter talks to Present Day (PD) Hiro for the first time, telling him that he has a message for him.
Again with the vagueness!
Gripes? I got 'em
Let’s start with something that I touched on last week: the whole ‘seeing or being from the future & leaving cryptic messages’ routine. I realize that the drama & tension have to be ratcheted up every now & then, but once, just once, I’d like to see someone come from the future (I’m looking at you, FN Hiro) & actually tell someone something of worth. “Save the Cheerleader, save the world?” What kind of crap is that? What cheerleader? Where? How about a school, at least?
Somebody throw me a frickin’ bone, here! (I love that line!)
I also get that telling too much about the future could cause big problems with the whole time/space continuum & rend the Universe in half, but, c’mon…at least give Peter something to go on! Yeesh!
Next, I’ve been noticing that as the show goes on (but more so in this episode), there are a lot of coincidences going on. Case in point: Hiro & Ando are unceremoniously dumped outside of a diner in the literal middle of nowhere. This just happens to be the same diner in the literal middle of nowhere that Nathan decides to land at just moments later. Hmph…what are the odds?
I guess accepting the coincidences are just part of the suspension of disbelief needed to be able to swallow a story about people spontaneously bustin’ out with super powers. And really, I guess that, given the story that the writers are trying to tell, there has to be a certain amount of coincidence.
OK, I’ll let it slide. This time.
This last moan is directed at whoever put together the previews montage at the end of the show: please be careful with what you show in the previews. Yes, all of us who have been following the show closely, probably at the cost of our mental health & coolness quotients, know that DL can phase. A lot of people figured it out from the get-go. But, since you didn’t show him using this ability in this episode, it may have kinda ruined the surprise for those viewers who spent their formative years going out on dates & to football games rather than staying at home on a Saturday night, cataloging their comic book collection in a Trapper Keeper, in great detail, by series, volume, date, cross-over, condition, cost & estimated value.
Not that I knew anyone like that.
Nope.
Nosirebob!
My catalog was kept in a blue denim notebook. So there.
Problems?
This one’s less a problem & more of a head scratcher.
It involves the point in the show when Claire is wheeled into the hospital ER & later when CD is there by her side. During our Tuesday morning Heroes roundtable, Miguelito & I noticed that Claire’s ‘accident’ happened at, say, 10p local time. But, CD was shown a little bit later in Vegas, manhandling Nathan – in broad daylight.
So, we set about trying to figure out if this was a simple case of a Plan 9-esque day-night-day editing error or…something else. Here’s the timeline that we constructed:
Claire leaves the school with QB no later than 930p (football practice, so I’ve been told, usually wouldn’t last beyond 9p). They tool around town a bit, and then Claire introduces QB to his car’s dashboard. Let’s say, for the sake of argument, that this occurs at about 10p (the streets were empty; I don’t know how big Odessa, TX is*, but I’m guessing that it quiets down after sunset). Now, someone more than likely saw or heard the accident, so let’s be generous & say that the accident is reported at about 1005p. It’d take about five minutes for the medics to get there & probably another ten to twenty minutes to extract them from the car. So, we’re at about 1025-1030p. A trip to the ER would probably be about five to fifteen minutes, maybe, depending on the distance & traffic. Now we’re up to about 1045p or so. In that time, the police could have found Claire’s ID & contacted her mother, who could’ve been to the ER before the ambulance. So, let’s just say that Claire’s mom calls CD somewhere around 11p.
Now, when we catch up with CD & hear his phone ring, he’s at the airstrip with Nathan, at a time that’s obviously after sunrise. If the phone call is from his wife, then, geez! She’s been trying to reach him all night long. Then, he’s all the sudden there at Claire’s bedside.
(I’ve just figured out what CD’s power is – the ability to book flights on short notice! Keen!)
Another question brought up, related to the time displacement problem this show has, is just how long was Good/Evil Niki left sleeping in Nathan’s bed before his lackey came in & booted her out? Nathan was abducted, flew away to BFE for breakfast, came back to the hotel (I believe it's the same one, The Montecito from NBC’s ‘Las Vegas’ [as pointed out by the ever vigilant ETS] that Hiro & Ando were ejected from) & then ran into Good Niki. I guess this is feasible, if Good Niki chose to hang around the hotel for a few hours after she got up. Maybe she was looking around for Nathan. Maybe the hotel had a great all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet & she was trying to get her $8.95 worth (she is eating for two, in a manner of speaking). Who knows?
Again, the writers seem to be taking advantage of the audience’s willingness to let some things slide. However, even the most ardent fan will eventually say “Oh, come on!” & give up on the show when forced to fill in so many holes in the plot. Are you listening Lost?
New Theories?
This one involves CD.
So far, he’s been portrayed as, if not completely eee-vil, then at least sketchy & underhanded. We know what he’s capable of &, as was evidenced by his having MM scrub QB’s brainbox clean, what lengths he’ll go to in order to reach his goals.
My theory, though, is that he’s the ‘red herring’ of the show (a red herring being a character or object that is used to mislead the audience into thinking that they are the villain of the story, when, in actuality, they aren’t). I’m thinking that he’s not out to harm Claire, though, or, even the other Supers. Think about it: although he’s played as eee-vil & like he’s a gub’ment spOOk type, have we actually seen him do anything against the Supers to warrant that? The most he apparently did to Matt was to wipe out the memory of his abduction. He hesitated to shoot Nathan when he bolted. He’s not done anything to Claire & is awfully protective of her (I still think that he & his wife didn’t choose to adopt Claire; more that she was placed with him & his family by whatever agency he works for). I dunno…I’m thinking that he may be the key to bringing the Supers together.
Another thing: I missed it, but Miguelito noticed that the hilt on FN Hiro’s katana had the helix insignia emblazoned on it. And we all know that MM has the insignia on his necklace. Why would FN Hiro, who we are assuming to be a good guy, & MM have the same symbol on them? My thought is that the symbol is the heroes’ insignia &, that CD, having MM working with him, is really working for the good side.
Another theory that’s been brought to the table, & this goes back to CD getting around the country really quick, is that he’s not one person, but more like an Agent Smith from The Matrix, only without the mad kung-fu skilz. I know that Texas, Nevada & California aren’t all that far apart, but the guy’s really rackin’ up the frequent flyer miles with all the traveling he does. And if he’s gone so much, how would he be able to keep an eye on Claire? That could be remedied if he’s a clone.
It wouldn’t explain, though, how MM is always with him. Unless Miguelito’s theory that CD’s power is the ability to shrink MM & carry him in his pocket is correct.
Hey, it could happen!
*I looked up the stats on Odessa, TX. At a population of 93,546 as of July 2005, it’s bigger than I thought.
Yes, I put waaaay too much effort into that & am now paying for it with a headache & the scorn & ridicule of normal people everywhere. The love & adoration of the legions of geeks watching the show & reading this (OK, the three of you who might read this if I ask nicely) will make it all worthwhile, though.
Thanks guys!
Obligatory spoiler alert *** Obligatory spoiler alert *** Obligatory spoiler alert
Highlights
I actually took notes while watching this episode, instead of relying on my memory to write this. I found this to be a big mistake, as A) I’m a horrible note taker & B) I suck at following the crappy notes that I do take. So, this week’s Highlights section will be less of a blow-by-blow, like last week, & more of a general overview. Let me know in the comments section which format you prefer, Loyal Readers – short & sweet or long & ridiculously detailed.
With this episode, the heroes are all starting to meet up: Future Ninja Hiro relays his vague (of course) message to Peter on the subway (“Save the Cheerleader, save the world.” No names. No telling Peter where to find her. Some messenger you are. Thanks for clearing things up, FN Hiro); Hiro sees Nathan come in for a landing (in his pajamas!) after Nathan escapes from CD & MM; Nathan & Good Niki discuss their interlude from last week & the blackmail attempt on Nathan; Isaac & Peter collaborate to try to put together the paintings; Peter then finishes one of Isaac’s precog paintings, this one showing a menacing shadow figure looming over Claire’s body, laying in a pool of blood sans the top of her head; & Ando, whose powers seem to be super horndogginess & the ability to track down Internet strippers, shows up on Niki’s doorstep.
Oh yeah, & we have a bit of a family reunion as DL finally makes an appearance at Niki’s.
Yes, everything seems to be coming together.
We also get to see some of the characters stretching out with their new abilities starting with Nathan learning that he can fly at supersonic speeds. Peter finds that he’s able to mimic Isaac’s precog painter ability without the use of mind altering drugs. And Matt the PsiCop’s mind reading talent seems to be a bit hard for him to control, as his head nearly explodes when he becomes overwhelmed by the thoughts of everyone in a local Qwik-E-Mart where he went to get some ice cream for his wife after some sweet lovin’. (Maybe it was just the oxytocin & he was really tired)
And the show wouldn’t be complete without leaving us all hanging as Peter talks to Present Day (PD) Hiro for the first time, telling him that he has a message for him.
Again with the vagueness!
Gripes? I got 'em
Let’s start with something that I touched on last week: the whole ‘seeing or being from the future & leaving cryptic messages’ routine. I realize that the drama & tension have to be ratcheted up every now & then, but once, just once, I’d like to see someone come from the future (I’m looking at you, FN Hiro) & actually tell someone something of worth. “Save the Cheerleader, save the world?” What kind of crap is that? What cheerleader? Where? How about a school, at least?
Somebody throw me a frickin’ bone, here! (I love that line!)
I also get that telling too much about the future could cause big problems with the whole time/space continuum & rend the Universe in half, but, c’mon…at least give Peter something to go on! Yeesh!
Next, I’ve been noticing that as the show goes on (but more so in this episode), there are a lot of coincidences going on. Case in point: Hiro & Ando are unceremoniously dumped outside of a diner in the literal middle of nowhere. This just happens to be the same diner in the literal middle of nowhere that Nathan decides to land at just moments later. Hmph…what are the odds?
I guess accepting the coincidences are just part of the suspension of disbelief needed to be able to swallow a story about people spontaneously bustin’ out with super powers. And really, I guess that, given the story that the writers are trying to tell, there has to be a certain amount of coincidence.
OK, I’ll let it slide. This time.
This last moan is directed at whoever put together the previews montage at the end of the show: please be careful with what you show in the previews. Yes, all of us who have been following the show closely, probably at the cost of our mental health & coolness quotients, know that DL can phase. A lot of people figured it out from the get-go. But, since you didn’t show him using this ability in this episode, it may have kinda ruined the surprise for those viewers who spent their formative years going out on dates & to football games rather than staying at home on a Saturday night, cataloging their comic book collection in a Trapper Keeper, in great detail, by series, volume, date, cross-over, condition, cost & estimated value.
Not that I knew anyone like that.
Nope.
Nosirebob!
My catalog was kept in a blue denim notebook. So there.
Problems?
This one’s less a problem & more of a head scratcher.
It involves the point in the show when Claire is wheeled into the hospital ER & later when CD is there by her side. During our Tuesday morning Heroes roundtable, Miguelito & I noticed that Claire’s ‘accident’ happened at, say, 10p local time. But, CD was shown a little bit later in Vegas, manhandling Nathan – in broad daylight.
So, we set about trying to figure out if this was a simple case of a Plan 9-esque day-night-day editing error or…something else. Here’s the timeline that we constructed:
Claire leaves the school with QB no later than 930p (football practice, so I’ve been told, usually wouldn’t last beyond 9p). They tool around town a bit, and then Claire introduces QB to his car’s dashboard. Let’s say, for the sake of argument, that this occurs at about 10p (the streets were empty; I don’t know how big Odessa, TX is*, but I’m guessing that it quiets down after sunset). Now, someone more than likely saw or heard the accident, so let’s be generous & say that the accident is reported at about 1005p. It’d take about five minutes for the medics to get there & probably another ten to twenty minutes to extract them from the car. So, we’re at about 1025-1030p. A trip to the ER would probably be about five to fifteen minutes, maybe, depending on the distance & traffic. Now we’re up to about 1045p or so. In that time, the police could have found Claire’s ID & contacted her mother, who could’ve been to the ER before the ambulance. So, let’s just say that Claire’s mom calls CD somewhere around 11p.
Now, when we catch up with CD & hear his phone ring, he’s at the airstrip with Nathan, at a time that’s obviously after sunrise. If the phone call is from his wife, then, geez! She’s been trying to reach him all night long. Then, he’s all the sudden there at Claire’s bedside.
(I’ve just figured out what CD’s power is – the ability to book flights on short notice! Keen!)
Another question brought up, related to the time displacement problem this show has, is just how long was Good/Evil Niki left sleeping in Nathan’s bed before his lackey came in & booted her out? Nathan was abducted, flew away to BFE for breakfast, came back to the hotel (I believe it's the same one, The Montecito from NBC’s ‘Las Vegas’ [as pointed out by the ever vigilant ETS] that Hiro & Ando were ejected from) & then ran into Good Niki. I guess this is feasible, if Good Niki chose to hang around the hotel for a few hours after she got up. Maybe she was looking around for Nathan. Maybe the hotel had a great all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet & she was trying to get her $8.95 worth (she is eating for two, in a manner of speaking). Who knows?
Again, the writers seem to be taking advantage of the audience’s willingness to let some things slide. However, even the most ardent fan will eventually say “Oh, come on!” & give up on the show when forced to fill in so many holes in the plot. Are you listening Lost?
New Theories?
This one involves CD.
So far, he’s been portrayed as, if not completely eee-vil, then at least sketchy & underhanded. We know what he’s capable of &, as was evidenced by his having MM scrub QB’s brainbox clean, what lengths he’ll go to in order to reach his goals.
My theory, though, is that he’s the ‘red herring’ of the show (a red herring being a character or object that is used to mislead the audience into thinking that they are the villain of the story, when, in actuality, they aren’t). I’m thinking that he’s not out to harm Claire, though, or, even the other Supers. Think about it: although he’s played as eee-vil & like he’s a gub’ment spOOk type, have we actually seen him do anything against the Supers to warrant that? The most he apparently did to Matt was to wipe out the memory of his abduction. He hesitated to shoot Nathan when he bolted. He’s not done anything to Claire & is awfully protective of her (I still think that he & his wife didn’t choose to adopt Claire; more that she was placed with him & his family by whatever agency he works for). I dunno…I’m thinking that he may be the key to bringing the Supers together.
Another thing: I missed it, but Miguelito noticed that the hilt on FN Hiro’s katana had the helix insignia emblazoned on it. And we all know that MM has the insignia on his necklace. Why would FN Hiro, who we are assuming to be a good guy, & MM have the same symbol on them? My thought is that the symbol is the heroes’ insignia &, that CD, having MM working with him, is really working for the good side.
Another theory that’s been brought to the table, & this goes back to CD getting around the country really quick, is that he’s not one person, but more like an Agent Smith from The Matrix, only without the mad kung-fu skilz. I know that Texas, Nevada & California aren’t all that far apart, but the guy’s really rackin’ up the frequent flyer miles with all the traveling he does. And if he’s gone so much, how would he be able to keep an eye on Claire? That could be remedied if he’s a clone.
It wouldn’t explain, though, how MM is always with him. Unless Miguelito’s theory that CD’s power is the ability to shrink MM & carry him in his pocket is correct.
Hey, it could happen!
*I looked up the stats on Odessa, TX. At a population of 93,546 as of July 2005, it’s bigger than I thought.
Yes, I put waaaay too much effort into that & am now paying for it with a headache & the scorn & ridicule of normal people everywhere. The love & adoration of the legions of geeks watching the show & reading this (OK, the three of you who might read this if I ask nicely) will make it all worthwhile, though.
Thanks guys!
Monday, October 23, 2006
Intervention, Please
*sigh*
I finally did it. As much as I tried not to.
I registered with the Heroes board at NBC.com. Look here for Kyokugaisha, defending the honor of Iron Man.
Yeah...I'm a geek.
*sigh*
I finally did it. As much as I tried not to.
I registered with the Heroes board at NBC.com. Look here for Kyokugaisha, defending the honor of Iron Man.
Yeah...I'm a geek.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Useless Information
*Note: this was typed up before working out (see previous post), hence the complete words, proper spelling & use of capital letters
Little things I've learned over the years (usually involving fire or pain):
Cat litter is combustible
Trying to recharge a 9-volt battery by touching the terminals to a lamp plug with bare wires & plugging it in to the wall doesn't work (it's also how I found out that cat litter burns)
Windex isn't a very effective wasp repellant
Wasps are a lot smarter than they look
They're vindictive little so & so's, too
Mixing chlorine & pool cleaner together isn't really a good idea, but it makes a wicked cool looking green cloud
Mixing bleach & cleaning chemicals is an even worse idea
Just because you find a food for really cheap at the store doesn't mean it's a good idea to eat it
Doritos can be ignited
So can the little plastic ends of shoelaces
Lizards can jump
I don't like lizards, jumping or otherwise
In a battle between your nose & the rear spoiler of a 1974 Pinto stationwagon, the spoiler will always win
The results are the same in a fight between your head & a cinder block
Whole limes have a very high resistance to being torched with hairspray & a lighter
Human forearm hair, on the other hand, burns down to nothing in a split second
The warning on the spraypaint can's not kidding when it says not to puncture the can
I can say, with perfect confidence, that almost anything is better than being poked in the eye with a sharp stick
Earwigs pop when exposed to massive amounts of fire
You can't make a fire alarm stop going off by spraying it with air freshener
You can, however, make it stop by ripping it off the ceiling
Holding a cat while walking into a room with a dog is a bad, bad idea
*Note: this was typed up before working out (see previous post), hence the complete words, proper spelling & use of capital letters
Little things I've learned over the years (usually involving fire or pain):
Cat litter is combustible
Trying to recharge a 9-volt battery by touching the terminals to a lamp plug with bare wires & plugging it in to the wall doesn't work (it's also how I found out that cat litter burns)
Windex isn't a very effective wasp repellant
Wasps are a lot smarter than they look
They're vindictive little so & so's, too
Mixing chlorine & pool cleaner together isn't really a good idea, but it makes a wicked cool looking green cloud
Mixing bleach & cleaning chemicals is an even worse idea
Just because you find a food for really cheap at the store doesn't mean it's a good idea to eat it
Doritos can be ignited
So can the little plastic ends of shoelaces
Lizards can jump
I don't like lizards, jumping or otherwise
In a battle between your nose & the rear spoiler of a 1974 Pinto stationwagon, the spoiler will always win
The results are the same in a fight between your head & a cinder block
Whole limes have a very high resistance to being torched with hairspray & a lighter
Human forearm hair, on the other hand, burns down to nothing in a split second
The warning on the spraypaint can's not kidding when it says not to puncture the can
I can say, with perfect confidence, that almost anything is better than being poked in the eye with a sharp stick
Earwigs pop when exposed to massive amounts of fire
You can't make a fire alarm stop going off by spraying it with air freshener
You can, however, make it stop by ripping it off the ceiling
Holding a cat while walking into a room with a dog is a bad, bad idea
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