"Do Not Drive, Operate Heavy Machinery Or Vote After Taking This Medication"

It may have been the copius amounts of codeine that I'd ingested over the course of the day in a vain attempt to stop my brains from liquefying & running out of my nose, but I voted for Richard 'Dick' Mountjoy for some office last night...

...just because his name made me giggle.

Ladies & Gentlemen, this is the reason that there should be sobriety check points at the polling place.

One To Ponder

So, when you blow your nose & blood starts coming out, does that mean you've finally, thankfully run out of snot?

Just wondering.

TMI

While we're on the subject of the restroom at work, here's a little snippet of a conversation overheard there last week. This is the reason for the 'No speaking while leaking rule':

Co-Worker 1 (CW1) enters the lavatory, whistling, as usual. CW1 is quite the scofflaw when it comes to the bathroom rules.

Co-Worker 2 (CW2) enters shortly after, having to use the stall next to me to conduct his business.

Neither of them know I'm in the adjoining stall.

CW1: How're things, CW2?

CW2 (trying to adhere to the 'No speaking...' rule): Uh, fine. Just have had to go a lot today. (Why he felt the need to share this morsel of information, I don't know) Hope it's not diabetes or something. Heh, heh.

CW1: What color is it?

Me - trying to stifle my laughter while not entirely sure I'm hearing all of this

CW2: Wha?

CW1: Is it clear?

CW2: Umm...no...it's regular.

At this point it was almost impossible for me to hold back. I think I may have cleared my throat in an attempt to let them know that their conversation was not entirely private. At any rate, they both eventually left, possibly to continue their discourse on the color of healthy pee in a more secluded setting.

There are just things about people that I really never, ever want to know. The color of one's pee is pretty high up there.

Fermenting Asparagus

This morning, I walked into the nastier of the two men's rooms here at work. Unfortunately, someone was preparing the place for my arrival.

Apparently, this involves fermenting asparagus, because that's the only thing I can think of that could've made the stench that assaulted my nostrils when I entered. It didn't smell like, y'know...stuff. Nothing inside of the human body, dead or alive, should be able to make a smell like that.

I couldn't finish my business fast enough. I considered trying to cut things short, but decided to tough it out, all while holding my breath. I didn't want to breathe through my nose, for obvious reasons, & I didn't want to breathe through my mouth for fear of actually ingesting the offending particulates. I held my breath for as long as I could, but had to resort to breathing through a wet paper towel after I'd washed my hands in an effort to filter out that whatever it was that died in this person's alimentary tract.

I think I'm going to suggest investing in air fresheners at our next meeting. Or gas masks.