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Office Supply For ETS

No more sporks breaking off at the handle after she's embedded it in a co-workers cranuim. Plus, she can have it engraved.

MY-Ti Titanium Spork

I meant to write yesterday but I got distracted by bright shiny objects and never got around to it. This is why my own blog resembles nothing so much as a second-hand store full of odd tidbits of flotsam and jetsom.

I wanted to talk about my payroll, about how it was due to arrive on Thursday in order for me to be able to collate and package and distribute and highlight and copy and sticky-tape and mail everybody's paychecks to everybody's location, but that by mid-afternoon and less than two hours 'til the cutoff for a timely mail-drop, the checks had not arrived. The idea of this caused much imaginary panic and mayhem and torching and bloodshed, so I thought I'd best give our provider a call, see what might possibly have happened to delay our shipment. And, you know, get a tracking number.

The man who answered the phone was very nice and apologetic, but I fired him anyway. For a day. Then I told him he could come back to work because, quite frankly, I need him around to ensure that my next payroll gets to me on time. It seems that although it's a straight shot from there to here, no layovers, no plane changes, no nothing but fresh, clean, frigid air in between and, therefore, no reason for my payroll to be making any unexpected stops in any sort of warm, tropical regions, imagine my absolute astonishment to find that my payroll, instead of flying here to the Northlands, was currently sitting in a warehouse in Ontario, California with no intentions of arriving to me until Friday morning, more than twenty-four hours later and guaranteeing that at least one of my branches would not be getting paid until a week past its due date.

It happens. Once (as some may recall by a certain conversation posted between The Pete and I regarding frat boys and poor, defensively and perfectly innocent sheep) my payroll spent the night in Montana, which is several states too far east so this isn't exactly an abnormal occurence by any means, but I was miffed all the same.

I mean, really - why should my payroll get to visit my Grandma when I can't, huh? The unfairness simply boggles the mind....

- Posted by ETS

Dear Jay

I understand that you are at the annual Thanksmas celebration you have with your family in Arkansas. Family is important and I am glad to hear that you are celebrating the holidays with them.

Worry not, Jay- I did get your christmas list this year. No- I do not plan a repeat of last years gift of coal. We are working on getting your presents done in time for the big day.

Unfortunately I don't think that I will be able to get you that "authentic" storm trooper suit you asked for...my elves are having trouble finding the correct materials to create the suit the exacting specifications you are requesting.

I also don't think we will be able to deliver the lifesize wax replica of John Stamos you are asking for. He said that any requests coming from you could be considered harassment.

Perhaps you should be a little less specific when sending in your lists…the elves get upset when they can’t find certain materials for the presents or are denied by the likes of John Stamos. That elf is still crying about the rude treatment.

Don’t worry – Mrs. Claus has a nice stocking for you with tons of Star Wars Pez dispensers and a Mace Windu Action figure already set up for you and it is in my bag of goodies.

I have to go – my head elf said something about a big box of coal heading your way. Don’t worry- I am sure it is all a misunderstanding. I will look into it right now.

Sincerely,


Santa Claus


Brought to you by AMY of BADGROOVE

Off We Go, Into The Wild Blue Yonder

We're heading back to Arkansas for Thanksmas '05.

What does this mean to MLCotW?

It means that I actually have an excuse for the lack of posting.

File Under "Silver Linings"

Sure, being sick at work sucks like a singularity, but I did find a way to use it to my advantage.

Yesterday, Fearless Leader called me in to her office to go over my personal job goals for, literally, the fourth time this year (#1 goal - make it through the day without strangling someone - so far, so good). As I walked up to her office, I coughed a couple times right outside her door. She asked me if I was catching a cold, to which I responded, in my best "stuffy head" voice, that I already had a cold. After closing her door, I coughed again & told her that she probably didn't want to be in a small, enclosed office with me for too long. "We'll make this quick," she said.

I was out of there in fifteen minutes.

Not Dead, But I Sure Feel Like It

What's worse than having a cold?

Having a cold at work.

What's worse than having a cold at work?

Having a cold at work & not having the time to take off from work so that you can drug yourself into a Ny-Quil induced coma & get well quicker.

*sniffle*

Home, Home Again...

I like to be here, when I can - Breathe - Pink Floyd

I've been having a lot of dreams about home lately. "Home" being the house & city that I grew up in. Dreams about old friends & even my dog, Scruffy. Those dreams, & the recent homework I did trying to find out how much of a house T & I could afford out here, have made me just a wee bit depressed. Couple that with the fact that I am just plain sick, sick of living in an apartment & you've got the makings for a very somber & sullen Jay.

I have very fond memories of growing up. Unlike pretty much everyone who gets their 15 minutes of fame on a talkshow to tell about how they had it so rotten, I had a very charmed childhood. I mean, it wasn't Saturdays at the country club & school clothes shopping at Nordstrom's. Not at all. Even better than that, it was weekends spent exploring the fields & drainage ditches around town & riding bikes or skateboards with my friends (me on my bike, they on their boards; I couldn't ride a board to save my life. It does explain my tolerance & defense of boarders, though). I used to ride to the local comic shop each week with my $5 allowance to pick up the latest Spider-Man, X-Men or Batman books. A friend & I used to take off at about 6p & walk around town until about 10p, frequently hitting the local videogame trader so that I could fawn over, from a distance of course (except for one ill-fated time which I'll go into in another post), the auburn-haired object of my affection.

During the week, it was school & Wednesday night youth group meetings, which were the highlight of the week. I went to a small private school (17 in my graduating class), &, while my eighth grade year sucked, due to being bullied constantly, my junior & senior high years weren't too bad. My best friends during those years were Patrick Fisher, Suzanne Toothill (now Davis) & Brett Lamborn.

I met Patrick in 6th grade &, I don't know why, but we became the best of friends. We both loved Star Wars & GI Joes. In fact, every time one of us went to the other's house for the weekend, it looked like the Normandy invasion, with boxes of troops & armaments being unloaded. We also spent a lot of time exploring & riding our bikes in the hills. Well, I guess I should rephrase that - we spent a lot of time getting lost & carrying our bikes up hills. We were doing the "extreme mountainbiking" thing before anyone else was.

Patrick went into the Army shortly after I entered the Air Force. He went through a lot of rough training & came out as an Airborne Ranger. I always admired him for making it through that. It was shortly after that that he & his girlfriend had an unplanned visit from Mr. Stork. He did the right thing, though, & married her, which was something else that I admired about him. I know his parents were disappointed, & I kept getting the feeling that they wanted me to side up with them on the matter. But, I couldn't. I mean, Patrick was like a brother to me. And he did the right thing, given the situation.

He moved to Phoenix, near his wife's family, & joined the Phoenix police department. The last time I saw him, he was doing well & life seemed to be treating him good. As we were just passing through town on our way home from Denver, I didn't get to spend as much time there as I wanted to. I remember him saying that he wished I could stay longer.

That time, eight years ago, was the last time I saw him. I tried calling him again about seven years ago, left a message with his wife & never heard from him again, with the exception of a couple of Christmas letters. I keep trying to figure out what happened. Did I do something to make him want to sever ties with me? Did, heaven forbid, something happen to him? I don't know. As a kid, I always had this picture of us being friends as adults, getting together with our families, our kids growing up together. I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

I met Suzanne in eighth grade (probably the only good thing to come out of that year) when we started carpooling together. Ours was an adversarial relationship in the beginning, with us constantly taking verbal jabs at each other. We lost contact for a bit when she left in the ninth grade. I remember running into her on day while I was out riding. She had changed a lot & I didn't recognize her at first. She called me a short while later & I filled her in on who was still at school & who wasn't & whatnot. She came back to school, I think mid-term, in tenth grade. We were inseperable after that. I remember people asking if we were an "item" all the time because we were always together. I found out later that, had I not been so stupid & blind, we could've been. That was the way I always was in school, though; I never could see what was right in front of me. Instead I was always setting my sights on the wrong person.

The thing that stood between Suzanne & I seeing each other was, strangely enough, me. I was afraid that if anything did happen between us & then fell apart, I'd lose my best friend. Ironically, because I hesitated, I ended up losing her anyway. The closest I came to taking a step in that direction happened on my 18th birthday. Suzanne had gone off to college in San Diego, but was in town visiting her family. I didn't know she was around & she showed up to say hi, not realizing it was my birthday. I remember her digging through her purse & finally finding a stick of gum to give me for a present. I think she found a rock outside & gave that to me, too. I left with her to walk her home, which was only a few blocks away. Four hours later, after walking all over town & stopping at Subway for a sandwich, we were sitting on a sidewalk across from her house, talking. I just kept looking at her & I remember thinking that all I had to do was lean in & give her a kiss - she was that close. But, my fear of losing her gripped me & I didn't follow through with it.

As the months wore on, she'd write to me, telling me about the weird adventures she was having in San Diego (she even sent her hair that she'd cut off to me in Basic Training, figuring that I'd need it). Upon later reviews of the letters, I finally saw that she'd dropped hints (& not subtle ones, either) here & there about her feelings for me. It finally took a letter from her where she told me, flat out, that she'd had a crush on me for a long time, but that she knew she wasn't good enough for me (which was completely wrong - I was just too stupid) & that she'd resigned herself to just be "one of the guys" with me.

We lost contact for a few years. Then she tried getting ahold of me. We talked a few times, but the ex, being the jealous type that she is, made things difficult. After we separated, I managed to get in touch with Suzanne again. We spent, over the span of two phone calls, about eight hours catching up with each other. I knew she had gotten married & had a child & I was happy for her. We wrote a bit to each other, as well. Then one day I called her & she told me that her talking to me was causing conflict with her husband & that she couldn't talk to me anymore. I think that hit me harder that the ex & I splitting. That was seven years ago. I found her email a year or so ago & wanted to see how she was doing & to tell her about my (then) impending nuptials with T. She wrote back, saying the same thing she had six years earlier. I don't know what happened with her husband, but...I guess all I can do is respect her request. If she ever wants to talk to me again, well...I guess it's up to her now.

I met Brett through a mutual friend. I remember that friend, also named Pat, talking about him (they went to school together). I had met Brett a couple of times, but, as he was in a different neighborhood, I didn't have much to do with him. One day, I'd gone to Pat's to see if he was home & was told that he was at Brett's. I went over to find Pat & thus began my friendship with Brett.

Brett was a skater, as was Pat & a couple of other guys on Brett's block, Josh & David. We spent many a day at Josh's parent's skate shop, watched copious amounts of eMpTeeVee, skated/biked all over town, chased girls & just plain enjoyed life. A couple years later, Pat moved, followed by David & then Josh. This left Brett & I to get in trouble on our own. When Brett was in high school (I'd already graduated), this included calling the school to get him out for the day, takin gthe bus to the mall, investigating what was behind all of the "Do Not Enter" doors, &, after we both had cars, driving to San Bernardino or the beach or wherever & doing, generally, not a lot.

Before we had wheels, we'd usually just wander around town, going up to The Wherehouse to look at what tapes (!) they had at the time, or to the aforementioned videogame store, Doc's, & blowing through $10 trying to beat an arcade game (with me trying to build up the courage to talk to the also aforementioned auburn-haired object of my affection) or scraping together enough money to by nachos at Naugle's (I guess we should've eaten before we stopped by Doc's).

The thing that I used to think was funny was that his parents thought I had this horrible influence on him. Of course, the opposite was true. I mean, I guess I could understand it at first. The first time that I met them, I had long hair, my thrashed up denim jacket & my bike chain in hand. I think they thought I was there to beat on him. You'd think after awhile they would've figured out that I wasn't there to kill him. Brett knew that I was a Christian & that I had a strong definition of right & wrong (OK, except maybe when he ditched school). He about had a coronary once when we were leaving The Wherehouse, as I'd picked up a free magazine & walked out of the store with it. He didn't know it was free & thought that I'd suddenly & without warning turned over to the Dark Side & lifted the magazine.

Brett was the Best Man at my first wedding & I was glad to have him there. Unfortunately (or, rather, fortunately, given the ex's, uh...issues with fidelity), he & the ex never got along. I should've listened to him. Later, even after he'd seen how the Service was through me (which was a little biased, as I kinda hated it there), he joined up with the Air Force &, having a Master's degree, earned his commission. I lost track of him a couple years ago. I hope & pray that he didn't end up in the mess over in Iraq. And if he did, I hope & pray that he's safe.

I want to get back in touch with these people. They were like brothers & a sister to me. I mean, I don't really make "casual" friends. When I offer my friendship to someone, I try to put my all into it. These are people that I would love for T to be able to meet. I want to be able to tell them about her & have them get to know her. She has friends that she's known since junior high, that I've met & that I like & enjoy being around. When I tell her about my friends, though, it always feels like I'm talking about someone who's died, that she'll never have the opportunity to meet. I know that things will probably never be like they used to be, due to distance & time & the fact that we all have responsibilities & families & all, but I just want to be able to pick up the phone & hear them on the other end or be able to plan to see them, be it visiting them or them coming out here. I just want them back in my life again.

Suzanne Toothill (Davis), Patrick Fisher, Brett Lamborn - if you ever see this, contact me. Phone call, email, carrier pigeon, smoke signal...I don't care.

I miss you all.

An Open Letter To The Putz At Work Who Defaces All Of The Magazines

Dear Mr. Rembrandt -

Could you please find it in you to not write in, or tear pages out of, the magazines in the breakroom? Or, if you feel you must, can you please spare the "Entertainment Weekly" & maybe focus on the numerous issues of "Gourmet" strewn about the room? I know this would leave you with far fewer targets to set your black felt tip marker to, but it would sure make it easier to read the EW's. If you're honestly having trouble leaving the magazines unmolested, here's a few tips I have for you:

1) Learn how to spell. The word is "Skank," not "Scank."

2) We already know that Britney, Christina & Lindsay...hmm...how to put this?...um, portray themselves in a less than wholesome light. Writing "Slut" or, as you so eloquently put it, "Scank" over all of their photos really isn't telling us anything that we don't already know. It's like writing "Catholic!" across pictures of the Pope.

3) Think about this every time you write "Loser" across a celebrity's image: who's the bigger loser - the celebrity, who probably rolls around naked in gigantic piles of money every night or the person who makes slightly above minimum wage putting software components* into a box for a living & writes "Loser" across pictures of movie stars in magazines? Don't think too hard about it. I wouldn't want you to forget how to glue boxes shut or how to count to three or anything like that.

4) Attempting to write celebrity autographs? See tip #3.

Basically, get a dictionary, get a new hobby & get a life.

Sincerely,

Jay

*PS - "Components" is a big word meaning "stuff." Sorry, didn't mean to confuse you there.

Happy Birthapalooza To Me!

Yes, Loyal Readers, last Friday was my b-day. The Big 3-4. Another milemarker on the road of life. Another trip around the sun. Another excuse to make up some other analogies for birthdays.

So, how was it celebrated?, you may be asking. Well, I'll tell ya.

First, Birthiversary greetings were received (OK, second, as T was first in line to wish me a happy birthday) from the lovely & talented Amy & ETS. Amy played go-between for me & posted b-day greetings from John Stamos, in response to some deranged fan letter I'd apparently written to him (me? Do something like that? Perish the thought!). Unfortunately, like last year, Mr. Stamos will not be able to attend my annual "I Am Thankful For John Stamos" Thanksgiving dinner. Drat! ETS apparently got ahold of my b-day wishlist & hoped that Dave Coulier would pop out of a cake wearing little glitter pasties for me (I've really got to quit leaving that list laying around).

The intention on Friday night was to pick The Boy up from the ex & head out to the Souther California Fair (cripes, how many of these things do we have?) to see Third Day perform. But, I guess T & I are starting to get old, as neither of us particularly felt like driving twenty miles & freezing after being at work all day. So, instead we went out to eat at Jose's, were we were treated to the ramblings of loud, tattoed people. That's always fun. A couple rentals were picked up afterward & we headed for home. I opened up my gifts & scored a nifty keen USC shirt, a nice & warm fleece jacket & a mega cool Darth Vader alarm clock (yes, my wife is encouraging my almost unhealthy Star Wars addiction). The Boy & I then watched "Spirited Away" (well, I did; he crashed out. Pansy.). This proved to be the first of an Asian film doubleheader for me, as on Sunday I watched "Hero."

Anyway, Saturday was spent leisurely doing a lot of nothing after T got home. A trip to a couple of thrift stores yeilded a few CD's, including both ZZ Top & Bruce Springsteen's greatest hits compilations (Schweet!). The rest of the day was spent napping, gaming & watching movies.

Sunday started a little bumpy, as T wasn't feeling up to par, so the morning was spent surfing &, eventually, viewing the aforementioned "Hero." Since the weather had let up a bit, we decided to see what was going on outside, got ready & headed out to my most favoritest of places, the Pumpkin Patch! T & I meandered through the petting zoo area & the gift shop, went for a hayride & then walked around the patch, all the while mindful of the large stormclouds moving in from the west. Sure enough, as we made our way back, we started feeling a few sprinkles. We headed up to the local pizza place, played some pinball, consumed pizza (of course) & then did a little shopping at Ye Olde Big Lots, where a couple of The Boy's Christmas gifts were purchased as well as a couple of goodies for the pantry. Shortly after that, T & I enjoyed a nice evening walk, noticing the lightening flashing to the south of us. We also found a really sharp looking Mitsubishi Montero (we're looking at getting a bigger "family" type vehicle someday) which I totally was digging until I researched the gas mileage. I dug it a whole lot less after figuring out how much it'd be to fill the beast up.

The weekend was capped off falling asleep with T curled up behind me, being lulled to sleep by the sound of the rain & thunder raging outside. A nice end to a nice weekend.

Of course, this morning came on like a bucket of cold water, but, that's a post for another day.

The Weekend That Was

And what a weekend it was.

First off, my in-laws are in town for a visit, which has been nice as it's afforded me a bit more time to get to know them & for them to see the alien world that I took their daughter to live in. With the exception of nearly having a heart attack on the freeway (we warned 'em), having their eyes pop out of their heads every time they see how expensive everything is out here & the dry heat, I think they like it out here. Not enough to pull up stakes & move out here, but enough to have enjoyed their visit. They've seen that we're doing OK out here & that T hasn't been corrupted. Well, not completely, anyway.

My dad also came down to visit for a couple of weeks, which gave he & T's parents the opportunity to meet. They all got along quite well, with my dad & T's dad sharing stories of growing up poor. It was fun to listen to them comiserate.

On Saturday, T, The Boy & I went up to my sister's (where Dad is staying) to visit (T's parents had gone down to San Diego to visit family for the weekend). What would've been a pleasant day for all was a bit mucked up by The Boy's homework, which he'd neglected to bring home for five weeks. Much whip cracking was done in an attempt to get him to finish it up. On the plus side, we had some scrumptious BBQ'd chicken with all the fixin's & I whipped T & my sister at 8-Ball. (We won't talk about the games of 9-Ball in which I cleared the table, only to have my sister sink the 9-ball. And I completely deny having seen her sink the 9-ball on a break. Nope, didn't see it. Didn't happen.)

Sunday was quiet. As T had to work that morning, The Boy & I went to church, where I learned a valuable lesson: don't sit in the aisle seat of the last pew if you don't want to risk being asked to help collect the offering. Not being comfortable in the spotlight, I usually try to blend in with the crowd. Less so when T's with me, but I still don't try to draw attention to myself. At any rate, I survived that harrowing experience & helped a couple of old ladies up out of their seats & to their walkers, so, it wasn't all that bad, I suppose. I racked up a few Brownie points.

I took Monday off so that we could take T's parents up to see my sister's house & to meet Dad. The Santa Ana winds had cleared all the gunk out of the air, so it made for a beautiful day. I got to play tour guide on the way up, throwing out random tidbits about how, as we made the climb up the Cajon Pass, we were driving in the San Andreas fault & how Joshua Trees only grow in the Mojave Desert. Dumb schtuff, sure, but it was fun to imbue them with my wisdom. My sister Q'ed up some burgers & hot dogs & much consuption of said foodstuffs ensued. We topped it off with T's fruit pizza & then proceeded to roll into the living room & complain about how full we were. It was like a preview of Thanksgiving.

All in all, nothing too exciting, but nice nonetheless.

So, how was your weekend?

Birthaversary Greetings

It's ETS' birthaversary! And, since she's a week older than me, I can point & snicker when she uses her senior discount card to get her Code Red.

Well, for a week at least.

Go - wish her well!

Words Of Wisdom

I learned tonight, while trying to refill a squeezable mustard bottle, that mustard does not flow well through a funnel.

Who knew?

Funniest Song Title Of The Day

"Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off" by Joe Nichols

Country music can be fun sometimes.

Weirdest Sentence In An Email Today

"Incubus. I don't think a succubus would have the, uh...proper fixtures to facilitate impregnation. Unless it carried a turkey baster around. Don't ask me why I know that."

I have weird friends. We have weird discussions.

Random Rants

Yesterday, I was tired. I was cranky. And I was in the mood to rant. Not always a good combination.

Let's start off with someone that's been bothering me ever since this year's eMpTeeVee VMA's - Puffy Puff Daddy P. Diddy whatever he's calling himself these days. I refuse to stroke this man's ego anymore by referring to him by whatever name of the month he's using to get some attention. From this point forward, he will simply be referred to as "Sean." That's the name he started out with, that's the name I'm going to use. The same goes for Marion Knight, Marshall Mathers, Curtis Jackson & Calvin Brodis. And any other actor/performer/artiste who thinks more of themselves than they probably should (I'm looking at you Tony Hall, Ms. Ciccone & Cherilyn LaPierre Bono Allman).

While we're on the topic of celebrities, I'd like to thank the Good Lord Above for the birth of Britney Spears & Kevin "look at me, I'm Britney Spears' husband!" Federlane's baby. Why, you ask? Because I was so frickin' sick of seeing pictures of her trying to wear the clothes that she wore before she was pregnant! Tight t-shirts, long skirts & cowboy boots? Ugh! Hey, Brit - here's a little tip for you, should you decide to procreate again (& I pray that you think long & hard before doing that again): quit shopping at Wet Seal & Hot Topic & try the maternity section at Sears or Wal-Mart. Please?!?

On the international rant front - Canada. I went to buy a soda from the machine this morning, thinking that I had the requisite $.90 to purchase my morning fix, only to find Queen Elizabeth staring back at me. Listen, Canada - if you want quarters that are the same size, shape & weight as American quartes, then apply for statehood. You can have all the quarters you want then. Heck, wait a few years & you'll get your own state quarter. Lousy America, Jr.

And now, a personal rant or two. First off, who was the person who thought that two days off was an adequate amount of time for a weekend? I mean, you get off Friday evening & spend the time unwinding. Saturday, you try to cram as much R&R into as possible. Then, on Sunday, you spend the day thinking about the week ahead. So, in effect, you have one decompression day evening, one carefree day & one day getting ready for Monday, followed by five days of wishing the weekend would hurry up & get here. Thanks a lot, Mr. Architect-of-the-workweek! Would a four & three workweek have killed us?

This one's directed at the guy in my apartment complex with the Harley, who feels that it's necessary to let it run for a bit before leaving & the wonderful parents from across the park who displayed their awesome parenting skills (which basically amounts to "let them run around & scream & someone else will take care of them") at The Boy's birthday party last year (which they invited themselves to), who decided to make friends with the neighbor behind me. Meaning that I get to listen to her little girl scream her head off while the mother says "Don't be too loud" in the most unconvincing manner. All of you & your ilk are the primary reasons that I want my own house.

On about a thousand acres.

In the middle of nowhere.

On Mars.

And you, Mr. LA Fitness rep, who, after being told I don't know how many times in one phone call (& about three or four before that) that we're not interested in a membership with your establishment, had the cajones to ask me, several times, "Why?", even though I told you, again, I don't know how many times that your rates were ridiculously high. You had the nerve to set up an appointment that we didn't even ask for. Please tell me - when does "How much are your membership fees?" translate into "Please set me up for an appointment without my asking & then call me incessantly, even though I told you, repeatedly, that I'm not interested"? Have the steroids shriveled your brains as well as your genitals?

Frickin' retarded musclehead.

And finally, a rant directed at the ex, who annoys me just by the fact that she breathes. Gah! What was I thinking?

There. Much better now.

You're Quite Welcome, Amy

I received this in my inbox from Amy of Ye Olde Badgroove:

"Jay...I think I can thank you for this! Remember that john stamos fan
letter??? Remember???
Well...because of that I got this...and I get tons of John Stamos (and
dave coulier) hits a
month...LOL.

AMY

------------- Forwarded message follows -------------


The following message was sent on 09/13/05 at 3:37pm by xxxxxx:

My name is (name witheld to keep the freaky-types from flocking here), I am 10 years old and live in Texas. I am a
huge fan of John Stamos
and was wondering if you know where I can purchase some John Stamos
bedding. I have tried
several sites with no results. I would also like to know how I can join
his fan club. Thank
You"

What I want to know is:

Where can I find some John Stamos bedding? I mean, I use cedar chips & newspaper for my little pet John Stamos, but if there's some bedding made specifically for him, then I'm all over it!

Dave Coulier Deficiency

I realized that there has been a drastic decrease in stories, letters & all around general mentions of MLCotW's Unofficial Patron Saint, Dave Coulier (or Coullier as I have been known to spell it - sorry Dave) & any & all things directly related to him. So, it is with a humbled heart & a bowed head that I now attempt to rectify the situation:

Dave Coulier, John Stamos, Bob Saget, The Olsen Twins, the other two sisters, Full House, Dave Coulier, John Stamos, Bob Saget, The Olsen Twins, the other two sisters, Full House, Dave Coulier, John Stamos, Bob Saget, The Olsen Twins, the other two sisters, Full House, Dave Coulier, John Stamos, Bob Saget, The Olsen Twins, the other two sisters, Full House, Dave Coulier, John Stamos, Bob Saget, The Olsen Twins, the other two sisters, Full House

There. That should do the trick. I feel much better now.

So Long, Little Buddy

Gilligan's gone on to that Great Uncharted Isle In the Sky.

We'll always have the reruns, though.

And If They Jumped Off A Cliff?

I saw this over at ETS' & Amy's places, & they found it over at The Pete's site, so I figured "Why not?"

Here are the original instructions:

1. Go to musicoutfitters.com

2. Enter the year you graduated from high school in the search function and get the list of 100 most popular songs of that year

3. Bold the songs you like, strike through the ones you hate and underline your favorite. Do nothing to the ones you don't remember (or don't care about).

As you'll see, I modified the directions a bit. Instead of the bolding/underlining/striking out bit, I gave my comments about the songs in question (bolding/underlining/striking out just doesn't give you much flexibility). I guess it doesn't really tell much if I liked the song or not (although, some are pretty obvious). But, I had fun flipping through the playlist of my senior year, so, it's not all bad.

Anywho, here we go:

1. Look Away, Chicago - Peter Cetera left & they were never the same.

2. My Perogative, Bobby Brown - I was a raging metalhead in the 80's, but I could still appreciate a catchy dance song.

3. Every Rose Has Its Thorn, Poison - One of the literally thousands of ballads to come out after Gn'R made it fashionable with "Patience"; also, the genesis for one of the funniest lines in Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey.

4. Straight Up, Paula Abdul - I was a raging metalhead in the 80's, but I could still appreciate a catchy dance song. Nonetheless, this song annoyed the crap out of me.

5. Miss You Much, Janet Jackson - That's Ms. Jackson if your nasty (I know, different song, but I never pass up an opprtunity to use that line).

6. Cold Hearted, Paula Abdul - See #4, but omit the "catchy dance song" part.

7. Wind Beneath My Wings, Bette Midler - The lyrical equivalent of diabetic shock.

8. Girl You Know Its True, Milli Vanilli - Apparently, it wasn't true.

9. Baby, I Love Your Way/Freebird, Will To Power - So, at what point did mixing a Frampton song with a Skynyrd song sound like a good idea?

10. Giving You The Best That I Got, Anita Baker - Apparently, she didn't give me the best she had because I don't remember this one.

11. Right Here Waiting, Richard Marx - The first man to mix a 'fro with a mullet (the 'frullet!). Frightening.

12. Waiting For A Star To Fall, Boy Meets Girl - Never heard this one.

13. Lost In Your Eyes, Debbie Gibson - Ugh...see #7.

14. Don't Wanna Lose You, Gloria Estefan - Could you at least try?

15. Heaven, Warrant - Another schmaltzy metal ballad. Not as bad as some.

16. Girl I'm Gonna Miss You, Milli Vanilli - I'm not gonna miss you, Milli Vanilli.

17. The Look, Roxette - Crumbs...can we please ban future Swedish import bands?

18. She Drives Me Crazy, Fine Young Cannibals - I really liked this one. Just quirky enough to suit my tastes.

19. On Our Own, Bobby Brown - Haven't heard this one, either.

20. Two Hearts, Phil Collins - Man, Phil - what happened to you?

21. Blame It On The Rain, Milli Vanilli - Wow...'89 was a sucky year for music.

22. Listen To Your Heart, Roxette - Listen to me - don't encourage any more Swedish pop bands.

23. I'll Be There For You, Bon Jovi - A great song from a band that knew how to put out fun music.

24. If You Don't Know Me By Now, Simply Red - Mick Hucknail gave me the willies.

25. Like A Prayer, Madonna - So did Madonna.

26. I'll Be Loving You (Forever), New Kids On The Block - Gag!

27. How Can I Fall?, Breathe - Easy. Step one - trip. Let gravity do the rest.

28. Baby Don't Forget My Number, Milli Vanilli - Geez, they put out a lot of crap in a short time.

29. Toy Solider, Martika - I remember hearing of the song, but I don't think I ever actually heard it.

30. Forever Your Girl, Paula Abdul - Please. Shoot me. Now.

31. The Living Years, Mike and the Mechanics - Whereas Phil Collins was putting out dreck like #20, Mike Rutherford of Genesis actually put out some great songs with his side project.

32. Eternal Flame, The Bangles - I liked the Bangles (Susanna Hoffs was certainly easy on the eyes), but I was sick of this song about five minutes after it came out.

33. Wild Thing, Tone Loc - I was insensed when I heard Jamie's Cryin' by Van Halen being sampled. Eventually, though, the song grew on me.

34. When I See You Smile, Bad English - Bad English = Bad Idea.

35. If I Could Turn Back Time, Cher - If I could turn back time, I pummel whomever thought putting Cher in a thong was a good idea.

36. Buffalo Stance, Neneh Cherry - I could take it or leave it.

37. When I'm With You, Sheriff - For some reason, I think I remember this song. But then again, I don't.

38. Don't Rush Me, Taylor Dayne - The only rushing I did whenever Taylor ane came on the TV was to turn the channel.

39. Born To Be My Baby, Bon Jovi - Another great Bon Jovi tune.

40. Good Thing, Fine Young Cannibals - I like this one a wee bit less than She Drives Me Crazy, but it was still listenable.

41. The Lover In Me, Sheena Easton - She made a song in '89?

42. Bust A Move, Young M.C. - I fought & fought & fought liking this one. I finally gave in. One of my favorite late 80's rap songs.

43. Once Bitten, Twice Shy, Great White - Such a fun song! When I was stationed in Mississippi & terribly homesick, this song helped me through the blues.

44. Batdance, Prince - Sorry, Prince, but Danny Elfman made the only decent Batman soundtrack.

45. Rock On, Michael Damian - Bleah! I hate, hate, HATE this song.

46. Real Love, Jody Watley - No thanks, Jody.

47. Love Shack, B-52's - This song brings back fond memories of my last summer at home. Tiiiiiin roof - rusted!

48. Every Little Step, Bobby Brown - Another infectious dance ditty.

49. Hangin' Tough, New Kids On The Block - Cripes! I could not stand those guys. My sister, on the other hand, loved, loved, LOOOOVED them. I knew then something wasn't right with her.

50. My Heart Can't Tell You No, Rod Stewart - I think I remember this one. Shows how much I cared for it.

51. So Alive, Love and Rockets - This was such a great song. I hadn't heard much Bauhaus (except for what my friend Brett exposed me to), so I wasn't familiar with Daniel Ash, but it had a great groove & I could dance to it. OK, just kidding on the dancing part.

52. You Got It (The Right Stuff), New Kids On The Block - Have you figured out yet just how much I loathed these guys?

53. Armageddon It, Def Leppard - Sorry T & Amy, but I detested this song. I like older Def Leppard. Everything that came out after Rick Savage lost his arm sounded alike.

54. Satisfied, Richard Marx - The return of the 'frullet!

55. Express Yourself, Madonna - You suck! How's that for expressing myself, Madonna?

56. I Like It, Dino - No, I don't.

57. Soldier Of Love, Donny Osmond - Donny Osmond?

58. Sowing The Seeds Of Love, Tears For Fears - I was never a big TFF fans, but I did like this & Head Over Heels a lot.

59. Cherish, Madonna - Please, Madonna, go "reinvent" yourself - somewhere far away from me.

60. When The Children Cry, White Lion - Ugh...whiney metal ballad - the worst kind.

61. 18 And Life, Skid Row - Depressing song, but, lemme tell you - Skid Row RAWKED in concert!

62. I Don't Want Your Love, Duran Duran - The poster children for 80's stylistic rock.

63. Second Chances, .38 Special - Why don't I remember this one? I liked .38 Special.

64. The Way You Love Me, Karyn White - Another one for the "Huh?" list.

65. Funky Cold Medina, Tone Loc - Yet another fun 80's rap song that grew on me.

66. In Your Room, Bangles - I'm trying to remember this one, but all I can see is Susanna Hoffs...

67. Miss You Like Crazy, Natalie Cole - I missed this one, evidentally.

68. Love Song, Cure - I was just starting to get into the Cure when Disitegration came out (thanks again, Brett). This song, though, just didn't do much for me.

69. Secret Rendevous, Karyn White - Who the frick is Karyn White? And why is she on this list so many times?

70. Angel Eyes, Jeff Healey Band - I'd probably go to hell if I made any smart remarks against a blind blues guitarist, so, I'll pass.

71. Patience, Guns N' Roses - Here it is, Ladies & Gents - the one that made it cool for metal guitarists to pick up a Takaminie & strum it like a folkie. Thanks a lot guys.

72. Walk On Water, Eddie Money - At least it's not "Take Me Home Tonight."

73. Cover Girl, New Kids On The Block - Wow...there's a lot of suckage on this list.

74. Welcome To The Jungle, Guns N' Roses - Um...this came out in '87, I believe. Still one of the hardest metal songs ever made.

75. Shower Me With Your Love, Surface - I'd rather not.

76. Stand, R.E.M. - I just recently picked up "Green" & was suprised at how great a record it was. And Stand isn't even the best song on it.

77. Close My Eyes Forever, Lita Ford - Lita Ford - every metalhead's dream woman.

78. All This Time, Tiffany - Tiffany - every metalhead's worst nightmare.

79. After All, Cher and Peter Cetera - I don't remember this one. I must've blotted it out of my memory.

80. Roni, Bobby Brown - This one, too.

81. Love In An Elevator, Aerosmith - An awesome song from an awesome record!

82. Lay Your Hands On Me, Bon Jovi - OK, Bon Jovi - leave some room for others to get on the list.

83. This Promise, When In Rome - The only song that I remember from them. A true classic one hit wonder.

84. What I Am, Edie Brickell and The New Bohemians - Ack! The Popeye song (what I yam is what I yam...)! I'd rather listen to just about any other song on this list. To this day, I despise this song.

85. I Remember Holding You, Boys Club - But I don't remember you, Boys Club.

86. Paradise City, Guns N' Roses - A hard driving, rocking song. I still can't resist bangin' my head when I hear this one.

87. I Wanna Have Some Fun, Samantha Fox - How in the world did she get a recording deal?

88. She Wants To Dance With Me, Rick Astley - The white Luther Vandross.

89. Dreamin', Vanessa Williams - Remember Vanessa Williams' "Dreamin'?" Neither do I.

90. It's No Crime, Babyface - Yet another one that slipped under my radar. I was probably busy thinking about Susanna Hoffs.

91. Poison, Alice Cooper - One of my favorite records of the late 80's. I saw him in '91. He was still putting on a great show.

92. This Time I Know It's For Real, Donna Summer - Are you sure, Donna?

93. Smooth Criminal, Michael Jackson - Yes, Michael, you certainly are.

94. Heaven Help Me, Deon Estus - Who?

95. Rock Wit'cha, Bobby Brown - No thanks, Bobby. You scare me.

96. Thinking Of You, Sa-fire - I can't say that I'm doing the same, Sa-Fire.

97. What You Don't Know, Expose - In this case, ignorance is bliss.

98. Surrender To Me, Ann Wilson and Robin Zander - Nope, can't recall this one.

99. The End Of The Innocence, Don Henley - An appropriate song for the end of my time as a student.

100. Keep On Movin', Soul II Soul - Another one hit wonder that I liked. I don't think they did anything after that.