Well, It Got A Few Right

I found this over at Amy's place. It got the "Wealth" part right, at least.

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||| 30% Stability |||||||||||||||| 63% Orderliness |||||||||||||| 53% Empathy |||||||||||||||||| 76% Interdependence |||||||||||||||||| 76% Intellectual |||||||||||| 43% Mystical |||||||||||||| 56% Artistic |||||||||||||| 56% Religious |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Hedonism || 10% Materialism |||||||||| 36% Narcissism |||||||||||| 43% Adventurousness || 10% Work ethic || 10% Self absorbed |||||||||| 36% Conflict seeking |||||| 23% Need to dominate || 10% Romantic |||||||||||||||| 63% Avoidant |||||| 23% Anti-authority |||||||||||| 43% Wealth || 10% Dependency |||||| 23% Change averse |||||||||||||||| 63% Cautiousness |||||||||||| 43% Individuality |||||||||||| 43% Sexuality |||||||||||||||||| 76% Peter pan complex |||||||||||||||| 63% Physical security |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Food indulgent |||||||||||||||| 70% Histrionic || 10% Paranoia |||||| 30% Vanity |||| 16% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||| 43% Female cliche |||||| 30%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Stability results were moderately high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Orderliness results were medium which suggests you are moderately organized, hard working, and reliable while still remaining flexible, efficient, and fun.

Extraversion results were low which suggests you are very reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.

trait snapshot:
introverted, secretive, reclusive, tough, non social, observer, fearless, solitary, libertarian, detached, does not like to lead, outsider, abides the rules, mind over heart, good at saving money (HAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!), does not like to stand out, does not make friends easily, self sufficient, not aggressive, likes the unknown, unconcerned with external opinion, strong, abstract, independent, very intellectual, analytical, high self control (see "Good At Saving Money")

"Feelin' guilty, feelin' scared, hidden cameras everywhere" - Destroyer, The Kinks

The other night, T & I went out to eat at one of our favorite Mexican food resturants. After we were finished eating, I excused myself to the l'il pardners room to take care of some business. I didn't realize it until I moved & the toilet flushed on its own that the porcelain convenience was outfitted with one of those infrared sensors that autoflushes for you. It was then that the chilling thought came to my mind -

the toilet was watching me!!!

Great. Now I'm gonna be self-conscious in the bathroom. Well, moreso than I normally am, at least.

Just To Let You Know...

All of you coming to my site looking for nutritional info on O'Brien's Premium Hickory Smoked Beef Sticks - I got news for you.

There's nothing nutritional about 'em.

I Guess My Geekiness Does Have Some Boundaries Afterall

I don't think I'll be going this far in my quest to see "Sith."

All That Damage To My Innards & For What?

I've been drinking my usual morning Mountain Dew's, but not just for the quick jumpstart in the morning or the refreshingly Mountain Dewily taste. Oh, no. Y'see, they've had a contest going where you can win free downloads from iTunes.

The good news - I've won four download codes so far.

The bad news - you have to at least have Windows 2000 or XP to download them. Since my trusty Dell, Torgo, is still running '98, I'm SOL when it comes to downloading.

So, this is where you come in, Loyal Readers. Just tell me why, either in the comments or or via ye olde email, I should pass along the downloads to you. It doesn't have to be anything fancy or terribly long. Just amuse me. Please? Because you luuuurv me just. That. Much.

It's the least you can do for me while the hole in my stomach lining from drinking so much soda heals.

"Border Volunteers Disruptive, Feds Say"

What are they disrupting - the Border Patrol's coffee breaks?

Maybe one of them left the coffee ring - ewwww!!!

What's Grosser Than Gross?

A coffee ring.

In the men's room.

On the freakin' urinal!!!

Ewwwwww!!!

I Must Have These, Oh Yes

My geekiness knows no bounds.

Courtesy of Amy.

Typo Or Freudian Slip?

Shipping instructions found on a recent delivery at work last week:

PLEASE SH*T VIA FED-EX

Insert your own "What can Brown do for you?" jokes here.

You Think I'm Kidding...

...but I honestly think that people are posted at different places, wherever I go, so that they can either a) get in my way or b) follow me into the bathroom.

Further proof of this belief presented itself yesterday. I was making my way to the single seater loo, located in the front of the building. Nobody followed me over there. Not a soul was shadowing me. I got to the restroom, only to find it occupied. So, I made my way to the nasty, icky multi-convenience bathroom. While walking up to it, someone came around the corner just as I got there & followed me in!!! Then, after he finally left, someone else came in, did their thing & then grabbed a paper towel to dry their hands - without having turned on the water!!!

EWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! Ick! Ick! Ickity-ick!

So, I sat there for a few more minutes, trying to contain my revulsion over what I'd just heard happen. Then, someone else came in. Yes, three people in less than ten minutes.

I'm not paranoid, I tell ya! They're all following me - I just know it!

Theeeeeere's Johnnie

Johnnie Cochran died today.

In a statement released through his agent, O.J. Simpson said "I didn't do it! I wasn't even in L.A."

1 Golf Club + 75 Balls =

Owwwwww!!!

I didn't realize that so many different, & previously unknown, muscles were used to hit a golf ball. Or, at least, to swing at one (I won't claim to have actually hit every one every time).

The Boy & I decided on Saturday to take advantage of the beautiful day out & go to the driving range instead of the batting cages as we had first planned. Other than the occasional mini golf game, I have not touched a golf club in about fifteen years. I was so bad at it that I never cared to try the game again. But, we've had a golf course just down the road for a few years now, so, I figured I'd give the driving range a shot again.

Walking up to the pro shop, I got a very "Caddyshack" type feeling when I spotted the sign next to the door that said, in big, red letters, something about "no admittance without a collared shirt." Since The Boy was in a sleeveless shirt & I was in a t-shirt covered in hair (we'd just gotten our hair cut), I was feeling woefully underdressed & just a bit uncomfortable. The Boy drug me into the pro shop anyway & the first thing one of the clerks behind the counter said was "You must be here for the driving range."

Yeah, that did wonders for my self image.

Things got better, though, when The Boy talked the clerk into giving us two medium baskets of balls for the price of one large bucket (a savings of seven dollars - cha-ching!). I swear, that kid could sell an icebox to an Eskimo. Anyway, our buckets & borrowed clubs in hand, we made our way to the range. The first half dozen swings were met with much laughing & little actual connecting with the ball. A few more wiffed swings & we finally started getting the hang of it, with only the occasional ball flying straight up into the air. Two hours later, we finished the buckets & returned our borrowed clubs to the pro shop (where I was greeted by some guy who looked like he was going to take me down & throw me out of the course for my inappropriate attire).

Later in the evening, I got the first indication that my musculature was less than thrilled with the activities of earlier in the day. T & I went grocery shopping &, as I picked up a freakin' twelve-pack of sodas, my forearms screamed at me. Literally. The next morning, my legs & lower back were revolting against me. This was all agitated by having to sit up in the balcony at church (thank goodness it wasn't one of the usual Baptist Cardio Workout services). The rest of the day was spent getting up & down from my chair veeeery gingerly. And today - I am stiff. Even typing has proven to be a challenge (my apologies for any stray typos that snuck through).

I think I'll just stick to spectator sports & video games from now on.

He has risen, He is not here

1 And when the sabbath was past, Mary Mag'dalene, and Mary the mother of James, and Salo'me, bought spices, so that they might go and anoint Him.

2 And very early on the first day of the week they went to the tomb when the sun had risen.

3 And they were saying to one another, "Who will roll away the stone for us from the door of the tomb?"

4 And looking up, they saw that the stone was rolled back; --it was very large.

5 And entering the tomb, they saw a young man sitting on the right side, dressed in a white robe; and they were amazed.

6 And he said to them, "Do not be amazed; you seek Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He has risen, He is not here; see the place where they laid Him.

Movie Review Time, Kiddies

So, what'd you do last Friday night? Me? Oh, nothing much. Fought the hordes at Wally World, found out that the Mickey D's in said establishment has a very limited menu & saw a little flick called "Robots."

What's that, you say? Me, going to the theatre in a Star Wars year, before the next episode comes out? I know, it felt weird to me, too. But, they did run the new "Sith" trailer before the movie, so, I guess that kind of makes up for things. And how'd it go, you ask? (OK, maybe you didn't...just humor me, 'K?)

We made it to the theatre &, having bought the tickets at lunchtime, made our way to Theatre #10. Since we were delayed by the time distortion warp that happens every time one goes to Wally World, we arrived to find the all of the good seats taken. I eventually staked out a place in the last row, clear against the left wall of the building. Unfortunately, positioned right in front of us was a halfwall that effectively blocked out a small portion of the screen. So, while T & The Boy made a run to the bathroom, I moved on to the only other seats available - the floor seats. The others returned to find me at the new location & we all settled in for our movie going experience. We started out not with advertisements, but directly on to the trailers instead.

First up - a new "Herbie the Love Bug" movie (Remember those?), "Herbie - Fully Loaded." Yeah, we need this. Starring Lindsay Lohan (&, despite the movie's title, it has nothing to do with her father), Michael Keaton & Matt Dillon, to boot. (A quick comment on the leads - while Ms. Lohan is not an unattractive woman, her voice is reminiscent of an agitated cat being drug across a blackboard. And Mr. Keaton, Mr. Dillon...wow...were you both needing rent money or something?) OK, back to the trailer - Herbie was apparently mothballed at some point (Probably after the ill advised sequel "Herbie Goes To A Monster Truck Rally"), as when the possessed "people's car" is found, there's an inch of dust on him. Ms. L is part of a racing family. She finds Herbie. Hijinks ensue. CGI galore. While it doesn't look horrible, it just seems unnecessary.

I will probably be haunted by this one come Christmas when The Boy puts it on his list.

Next up, a new trailer for "Madagascar," with the vocal stylings of Ben Stiller, Jada Pinkett Smith, David Schwimer & Chris Rock. This trailer helps to flesh out the story a little & made me want to see it a bit more than the first one did. The premise makes more sense now. It seems that some of the animals in the New York Zoo decide to go out for a night on the town. They get captured & sent to Madagascar (Why send animals to an island that they don't even come from in the wild is beyond me. I guess naming the movie "Africa" would've been a bit less geographically specific. Besides, they probably already have the Burger King tie-in toys already made). Hijinks again ensue. I could probably wait for it to come out on DVD, but T, The Boy & I will most likely go see it together on a family movie night when it comes out. It couldn't be as bad as "Shark Tale," at least.

Please tell me that it couldn't be as bad as "Shark Tale."

Please?

Finally, the main reason for me to even go to the movies that night came up - the new "Revenge Of The Sith" trailer.

*Drooool*

Darth Sidious bustin' out his lightsaber! Yoda bustin' a move! Anakin slip slidin' deeper into the Dark Side! Space battles! Lasers! Stars! Wars! This one's got it all, Loyal Readers! I sat there with my jaw hanging open. The Boy could've tossed stale Juji Fruits that he picked up off the floor into my mouth & I wouldn't have noticed nor cared. I even clapped when the trailer was over. Y'know, one of those rapid claps, the kind usually reserved for twelve year old girls when they see the latest boy band that they're foaming at the mouth over. I did not, however, yell "I love you!" at the screen. At least not loud enough for anyone to hear.

I hope.

I could've left the theatre right when that trailer was finished, knowing that my $6 for a ticket was well spent. But, T & The Boy wanted to stay for the movie. Killjoys, harshin' on my Star Wars buzz...

So, about the movie. Before I go any further, though, I must warn you - if you are prone to motion sickness or are coming off of cold medication, I would advise waiting for video on this one. Or bringing along a barf bag. You just may need it. And whatever you do, don't sit too close to the screen. This thing even had me a bit dizzy. Of course, that may have been the residual effect of the "Star Wars" trailer, but...

If I could use two words to describe "Robots, " I'd use busy & tiring. But, then, that'd be a pretty short review. So, I'll add a few other words to fill space. "Robots" stars the vocal talents of Ewan McGregor, Halle Berry, Robin Williams, Mel Brooks, Greg Kinnear, Drew Carrey, Amanda Bynes & a few dozen other people whose names escape me at the moment. The story is a basic fable with a moral at the end for good measure. The story follows 'bot Rodney Copperbottom (MacGregor) as he grows up & then sets out on his own to become an inventor at robot philanthropist Bigweld's (Brooks) company.

The animation is great. Dizzying at times, but great. A lot of fast paced action & rapid fire jokes from Williams, who manages to convey his manic energy through his pixelated alterego (One of the movie's problems at times). McGregor makes a serviceable hero, a little vanilla at times (Another problem). When it got too slow, I just imagined him firing up a lightsaber & taking out some of the bad robots. And I was happy again. Mel Brooks' talent seemed to have been wasted, though (Yet another problem - collect 'em all, kids!). He plays a kindly, idealistic robot who wants to make life good for all robots in Robot City. The way the character is played, though (for the half of the movie that he's in), he's more annoying than anything, at first spouting platitiudes about how you can be anything that you want to be & being content with who you are & schtuff like that. Then, having given up on his dream, he's a domino addicted hermit. He's forced from the top spot in the company by Ratchet (Kinnear), although, how this was done is never explored. Ratchet's trying to get rid of the "outmodes" (I hate it when movies use lame technobabble) & get the citizenry to purchase upgrades for themselves instead of just replacing old parts (Their slogan - "Why be you when you can be new?").

The movie seems to rely a lot on speed: fast jokes, scenes moving at sublight, sequences that make you carsick. I still haven't decided if this was an attempt to draw attention away from the lightweight story or not. I've been trying not to make comparisons to "The Incredibles," but, as it is my plumbline for movies of this sort, holding "Robots" up to "Incredibles" light is inevitable. "Incredibles" had a good, engaging story. It didn't rely on the razzle dazzle of the family's superpowers. Those tended to be secondary. The family part was what was focused on. In "Robots," though, it was more about the razzle dazzle. It's as though the makers of the movie thought that while a little was fine, megatons of eye candy would be even better. The backgrounds & cityscapes were impressive, but there was just too much going on all of the time. It was too cluttered. There was just too much to take in all at once.

Couple that with trying to keep up with Robin Williams. To get an idea of just how frentic his character was, take the energy level from Genie from "Aladdin" & multiply it by about a thousand. His character in this movie, "Fender," is like a hyperactive child after a binge at the Wonka Factory. I must commend the animators for managing to generate a character that fit Williams. They must've worked their fingers to nubs trying to capture that. After awhile, though, trying to keep up with his constant one-liners & impersonations just ceased to be fun. Well, as fun as it could be.

The female characters range from Bynes' fiesty "Piper" to Jennifer Coolidge's doting "Aunt Fanny" (Who gives new meaning to "junk in the trunk") to Berry's careerbot "Cappy." Now, anyone who knows me well enough knows that I like strong women. Women who can take care of themselves. Whiney, frail, timid women, in the movies or in real life, annoy me to no end. But here, it's like they took all of the qualities of one woman & made three female characters out of them. The problem with that is that you end up with very one dimensional characters. Piper is a teenage 'bot with the "I can do anything you can do better" attitude. Aunt Fanny is an older unit whose nurture programming is still firmly intact, taking in homeless robots & making hot grease drinks for them. Cappy'ss the successful shebot, climbing her way up the corporate ladder at Bigweld's while fending off advances from Ratchet, because she's, y'know, just so hot & all. I doubt that storyline would've gotten very far if they would've made her look like Aunt Fanny.

The obligatory romantic subplot between Rodney & Cappy is never really explained. It just sorta happens. I mean, Cappy's tall, svelte & all that. Rodney, on the other hand looks like...well...imagine if the Rocketeer & a toaster had a child. Now, imagine that child growing up & having a child with a '57 Chevy. That's pretty much what Rodney looks like. You can't tell me that Cappy was attracted to his personality, either, because they barely share any screentime together throughout the first half of the movie. The subplot just felt tacked on, like the writer was going through his "How To Write A Story" handbook, got to the romance chapter & just threw something together. Yes, I know this is just a cartoon, but it's still telling a story. If they're going to try to cram every cliche' possible, the story still needs to make sense.

Ratchet is your sterotypical villain, vain, prideful & a momma's 'bot. He's pretty much all bark, though, as he cowers to anyone who says "Boo!" to him. His mother is using him to further her own nefarious dreams of ousting Bigweld permanently (Her hatred of Bigweld is never gone into) & take over the city - when she's not melting down its citizens. He hits on Cappy & then, when she rebuffs him & sides up with Rodney, he tries to have her melted down with the rest of the outmodes (Cripes! I hate that word). Needless to say, he gets his comeuppance in the in the end.

The only other thing that bugged me (& has been the major reason that I haven't cared to see too many of the more recent Disney movies) was the musical numbers that were thrown in (One for comedic effect & the other because the movie needed another number to allow all of the characters to be seen at the same time). "Incredibles", "The Iron Giant" &, amazingly enough (for a Disney movie, at least), "Lilo & Stitch" all showed that animated features can get by without having the leads break into song at the drop of a hat. If the story's a musical, then fine. I would think that a song here & there kinda comes with the territory. But they just seem unnecessary in a more action oriented story.

Now, while it sounds like I'm beating this movie up, I really don't think it was a horribly bad flick. (Trust me, I've seen some truly bad movies) It has it's good parts. The Robot City mass transit system was pretty cool. The humor was spread out pretty evenly, with enough to make the kiddies laugh (More visual humor than anything) & enough to make the adults chuckle (& fortunately, aimed high enough so as to go over kids heads). Visually, while extremely busy, is was stunning. The city was remeniscent of the city planet Coruscant from the latest "Star Wars" trilogy, with different sections of society living at different levels of the city. A very smooth, polished piece of eye candy.

While I could've waited for it to come out on DVD, it was worth the price of a matinee...or the discount tix I bought at work.

Robots: 3 1/2 Locking Nuts (Out of a possible 5)

Webster, A Teletubbie & The Batmobile

March 9th was the thirtyforth birthday of one Emmanuel Lewis, he of Webster & former Michael Jackson tote (now watch all of the Webster hits start pourin' in). To commemorate the occasion, Tim & I had the following conversation:

From: Jay
To: Tim

It's your birthday, Emmanuel Lewis!

He's 34 inches...er, I mean...years old today.

From: Tim
To: Jay

Hopefully Ma'am and George will have something special planned.

Tim.

From: Jay
To: Tim

Maybe they'll have a party for him at Chuck E. Cheese's.

They give the birthday boy free tokens, y'know.

-J

From: Tim
To: Jay

They could take him to Magic Mountain, but he'd only be able to go
on the kid rides.

From: Jay
To: Tim

Well, you must be so tall to ride the rides.

Maybe they could give him a roll of quarters & take him out in front
of K-Mart. All the rides are just his size there.

-J

From: Tim
To: Jay

My head would explode if I saw Emmanuel Lewis outside Kmart riding
some double-decker bus or Batmobile knockoff.

Just typing that caused a slight tremor.

From: Jay
To: Tim

Just imagine seeing him doing that, yelling "Ma'am, George! Let's go again!"

Now I'm picturing him doing that dressed as a Teletubbie. Talk about
your head exploding visions...

-J

From: Tim
To: Jay

To recap:

We are mentally picturing a 34-year-old Emmanuel Lewis dressed as a
Teletubbie, riding a coin-operated Batmobile outside of Kmart?
Have you ever seen Logan's Run? At the end, the computer mainframe that controls society is confronted with a concept that it simply cannot comprehend that literally causes it to cease to function. That's what's happening to me right now. Thanks.

Holy 34-year-old Emmanuel Lewis dressed as a Teletubbie, riding a coin-operated Batmobile outside of Kmart, Batman!

What in the name of 34-year-old Emmanuel Lewis dressed as a Teletubbie, riding a
coin-operated Batmobile outside of Kmart is going on here?!?!?!?!

Life is like 34-year-old Emmanuel Lewis dressed as a Teletubbie, riding a coin-operated Batmobile outside of Kmart.

From: Jay
To: Tim

Ow...my head asplode.

Some things are just too big to get one's mind around: The infinity of God. William Hung's rise to notoriety. And a 34-year -old Emmanuel Lewis dressed as a Teletubbie, riding a coin-operated Batmobile outside of Kmart.

Ow...there went my head again.

-J

From: Tim
To: Jay

Picturing this is like in "2001" when Dave looked into the Monolith and took the next step of evolution. I am now the Starbaby.

"34-year-old Emmanuel Lewis dressed as a Teletubbie, riding a coin-operated Batmobile outside of Kmart" is my monolith, and all I can say is "My Gosh, it's full of stars!"

From: Jay
To: Tim

"Open the pod bay doors, MA'AM."

Wow...a 34-year-old Emmanuel Lewis dressed as a Teletubbie, riding a
coin-operated Batmobile outside of Kmart is the next evolutionary step?

Darwin was *so* wrong.

-J

Further Proof That I Will Eat Just About Anything

-or-

He Hasn't Written Anything For Two Weeks & This Is The Best He Came Up With?

Today's example: O'Brien's Premium Hickory Smoked Beef Sticks

There slogan: "Taste the Magic," apparently being said by the leprechaun off to the right, holding what looks to be a rather large, disembodied...y'know. The drawing's reeeeally tiny, so it's hard to tell, but it really does look like he's holding the aftermath of a Bobbittization. (Really - how sad is it that a man's biggest claim to fame is that his unfortunate run-in with his angry wife & a kitchen knife coined a new term?)

The product's big claim? The one that they put in a big yellow starburst caption bubble?

No MSG!

That is such a relief. Now the only thing I have to worry about killing me is the various pieces of meat & mystery oil used to make this.

Nutrition information? We don' need no steeenking nutrition information! But, if you really, really want to know how fast this thing's gonna kill you, you'll have to write to the good people at O'Brien's in Bellevue, NE, where the art of Irish beef stick making is still going strong. I guess with the picture of the leprechaun & his...uh...y'know...there wasn't any space left for the manufactuer to write "Nutrition Facts: Nutrition facts? HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!" all over the wrapper.

The really sad thing about these, though? Unlike the squeeze cheese, tofu & potted meat product that I have inflicted upon subjected treated myself to in the past, I actually like these things. If I had the money (& the number to a good heart surgeon), I'd buy all of them from the vending machine. Despite being a supposed meat product in a suspicious, viscous mystery fluid, they're actually really good. I mean, they look like oily cigars. Or preserved fingers. But they're just. So. Good.

Man, those Irish really know their way around meat by-products!

Dumb Things To Do When I'm Bored: Interview Myself

Q: Name?

A: Jay

Q: Jay? Short for anything?

A: At 6'1", there are few things I'm short for.

Q: I meant your name.

A: Oh...Yep.

Q: And that would be...?

A: What would be?

Q: Your name?

A: Jay.

Q: I mean is it short for anything?!?

A; I told you - yes.

Q: And what would THAT BE?!?

A: My name?

Q: ARRRGH!!! YES!!!

A: My name is Jay. Are you going to ask me anything else? This is getting a bit redundant. Perhaps if you wrote it down. It's j...a -

Q: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!

A: No, there's no "r" in my name.

My G-g-g-generation

T & I have been meaning to get more involved with our church in an attempt to not only do more with the church, but to also meet others & create (hopefully) friendships.. We've gone to an open house kinda thing. I counted visitors to the Halloween shindig last year. We've (well, I for now, as T's work schedule keeps getting in the way) started going to a Wednesday night Bible study. The only problem with all of this so far?

We inevitably end up being the youngest people in the group.

At the open house lunch thingie, we ended up sitting with a group of seniors, which, in & of itself isn't bad. But, being oldsters, they tend to like to talk. And talk. And talk some more. At the Halloween event, I was stationed at the gate with a woman who was probably in her fifties. And the Bible study? I'm the youngest one there by about thirty to forty years.

I told T the other day that I'd like to have friends come over for dinner, but at the rate we're going, the people we're meeting run the risk of having a heart attack on the way up the stairs to our apartment.

Valentine Viewing (Dis)Pleasure

A few nights ago, we started watching the 2001 smash hit (for the weekend that it came out, at least) "Valentine", starring David Boreanaz from the WB's Angel, Denise Richards &, for a few minutes at least, Katherine Heigl from Roswell. What did I think of it? Let me put it to you this way: If I think that a movie is really, really bad (& not in a "good" bad way) - that should tell you something. I mean, my cinematic tastes are not that different from my culinary tastes (Squeeze cheese or potted meat product, anyone?). I'll give pretty much anything a whirl. We didn't even make it through the second half, even though I didn't have to be up early the next morning & could've stayed up for the whole thing. It didn't make any difference, though. As I found out this morning when I looked up the plot synopsis online, I found out that I'd ID'd the killer long before they even got to that point.

The plot is your generic revenge story. In sixth grade, most of the characters are terribly cruel to one of their less socially gifted classmates, going so far as to pour red punch on him at a dance (Hmm...red punch...school dance...sounds a wee bit familiar) & then strip him to his BVD's & beat him savagely on the dancefloor. Well, about as savagely as a bunch of eleven year olds can manage. One of the spectators is wearing a cherub mask. In fact, he's the only kid wearing a mask. Since the rest of the kids weren't even wearing costumes, it's safe to bet that this wasn't a masquerade ball. Either that or someone forgot to tell the kid that the theme of the party was changed from "Halloween" to "Carrie." Cherub Kid watches the pummeling & as he does, blood runs from the masks nose. Which would mean that his nose would have to have been mashed up hard against the mask in order for the blood to make its way out of the hole. Why he started bleeding, well, you got me.

Flash forward to the present. One of the girls at the dance, Shelley (Katherine Heigl), is on a really bad first date with some schmuck. She ends the date & heads back to the comfort & safety of the autopsy room of the med school that she's attending. She sets to working on Chad (that's the name they gave 'im), a donated cadaver, covering his face with a sheet so she won't see the killer has switched places with the corpse so she won't see his face while she's dissecting him. She hears a sound in the adjoining locker room & goes to investigate. A jumper scene (just one of many scattered throughout the movie) ensues when some guy, whose name I can't remember, startles her. After a brief exchange, he takes his leave of Shelley. As she turns to leave, she finds a Valentine card taped to her locker. In it, there's some disturbing prose about how she's going to die. She shrugs it off & returns to Chadaver (that's the name I'm giving him).

She readies her scalpel to make an incision in Chadaver's (Aren't I clever?) abdomen. As she touches blade to skin, she notices that Chadaver's breathing (Gasp. I did not see that one coming. Nope.). Abracadaver! (I am on a roll here, people!) The "corpse" starts moving & Shelley jumps back (Checks herself! Hey!) near a closet. The closet door has a window in it & who should be peering out but our good friend Chadaver, who comes a'tumblin' out when Shelley opens the door. Shelley, scalpel inhand, beats a hasty retreat from the lab & runs down the stereotypical horror movie long-dimly-lit-hallway-full-of-locked-doors, because, of course, the door to the locker room where she was talking to the other guy, (who, by the way, unless he was running reeeeally fast, couldn't have been too far away) is locked (Gasp. Shock. Surprise.).

Shelley finally finds an unlocked door & makes her way in. This is apparently the only door without a lock on it, because she makes no attempt at securing it. I dunno. If it were me, I think I'd lock the door if possible. This room is full of bodybags with corpses in them. Now, maybe I'm thinking a bit too hard about this (something that cannot be said about the person who wrote the script), but, wouldn't a) the corpses (corpsi?) need to be refrigerated? & b) if this was a refrigeration room, would the door to it be an old, two inch thick wooden door with a big two by two & a half foot frosted glass window in it? I mean, the place would be pretty rank smelling, I would think. Anyway, wisely choosing to not look for another way out (Would they really wheel the bodies down the main hall & store them in a big closet?) & foregoing even looking for a phone, we see our victim damsel in distress panic &...

Cut back to the hallway, where we find the man of the hour, the Cherub Masked Slasher, strolling down the hall, completely clothed. I bring this up because he was naked when he was on the gurney in the lab. Forget the fact that all of the previous events have taken place over the course of maybe, oh, thirty seconds. And that Shelley was running (well, tripping, really) down the hall. Offscreen Teleportation, I guess. Apparently, he teleported directly into his clothes, too. Not bothering to check any of the doors in the hallway, he walks directly to the room that Shelley went into.

He unzips the first bag be comes to & finds a pasty old guy who's already been autopsied. Figuring this to be quite the time consuming endeavor, CMS then starts driving his butcher knife (Cripes, did the writer have The Horror Movie Writer's Primer next to him as he wrote this?) into the body bags.

Three guesses as to where Shelley's hiding.

At this point I was growing tired of the long, drawn out chase scene & started yelling at the guy to just look for the bag with the most noticeable protrusions from the the chest area. Finally, he opens a bag &, lo! & behold, heeeeere's Shelley, who apparently Offscreen Teleported into the bodybag, because there was obviously not enough time for her to get the body out of the bag, crawl in & zip herself up before Chuckles shuffled his way into the room. One scream, a slit to the throat & exit one med student.

The rest of the movie pretty much follows the same path: Girl gets disturbing Valentine, girl gets aced, next! Two of the girls that share an apartment receive a card & a box of chocolates. It's not addressed to either of them, so one of them opens the card, which reads something to the effect of "You are what you eat" & then proceeds to bite into one of the chocolates, which is infested with maggots. Yum. Y'know, I don't care what it is - chocolate, pizza, a 4x4 from In-N-Out - if it's just left on my doorstep by some anonymous person, I'm not going to eat it. It's just a dumb thing to do. But, I'm doubting that anything remotely resembling intelligence had anything to do with this movie, so, whaddya gonna do?

In another scene that had me saying "Wha...?", one of the girls is shot by CMS with an arrow. From across a room. With his mask on. Dead on in the gut. And, to top it off, he shoots her again, near the same spot, while she's doubled over! William Tell's got nothin' on this guy. One more shot sends her reeling over a conveniently placed handrail, tumbling about three floors into a dumpster.

Yeah. It's about as dumb as it sounds.

By this time, I'd already figured out who the killer was, played out the rest of the movie in my head & just wanted to go to sleep. A little research the next morning confirmed my suspicion. The revelation of who the masked man was was supposed to be some kind of big "twist" ending, as it's not who the writer wanted you to think it was (Duh!). The only thing twisting was me, trying to get comfortable under the blankets as I went to sleep. The writer threw out more red herrings than a dolphin trainer at Sea World, in a failed attempt to throw off the viewers. It was blatantly...nay...pathetically obvious who the killer was. By the time I'd figured it out, I had lost interest (Well, what little interest I had left after Ms. Heigel's departure.).

The good parts of the movie? Lessee...there were the first ten minutes or so featuring Katherine Heigl & a tanktop. Once she kicked the oxygen habit (Can someone please explain to me why you'd stop to climb into a bodybag instead of running for the door - or using a phone? Oh, right - IITS), the movie carreened downhill. I haven't seen such a paint-by-numbers horror movie since Halloween IV. OK, I probably have, but that's the first one that came to mind. I could swear that I saw little name badges on the actors that said "Hi! My Name Is Vicitim # __."

Bottom line, I've coughed up scarier stuff. "Valentine" does not even rank "craptacular" status. It was just plain crappy.

Rating (One to Five Eyeballs): Are you kidding? This thing made me want to gouge my eyeballs out!

I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watchin' Meeeeeee

Call me paranoid if you wish. I don't care. Something rather unsettling has happened here at work:

Someone put a basket of artificial flowers in the men's room. A big basket. One big enough to hide, oh maybe...a camera!

I've gotten to where I throw my jacket over it or I turn it on its side, just in case it is secretly taping me in my private moments.

Hey! It could happen!

Quit looking at me like that...

Humbug!

I hate Valentine's Day.

Don't get me wrong - I love showering T with love & affection every day. I love telling her how much I love her & how special she is & how much of a blessing to my life she is every day. What I hate about the day is that it feels like you're forced or obligated to do something that, if you truly love someone, you should be doing already. Every day.

The ghosts of V-Day's past don't help matters much, either.

This morning, T & I exchanged cards & The Boy gave her a card & a candle. Then, he asked if there was a card for him. Even though he had a bagful of cards from his classmates, he'd also expected one from us, I guess. So, all morning I've been mad at myself because it didn't occur to me that he'd feel like I had for so many years - left out. I hated that feeling way back when & I hate that my son felt that way this morning. In an attempt to try to set things right, I asked T to take him for a "Valentine's doughnut" or something to that affect before she took him to the ex's. I'm sure he wasn't emotionally scarred by my little faux paux, but still...it bugged me.

You spend the first few years of grade school making sure that you gave everyone on the class list a card, always making sure to not give any that might be misconstrued to anyone that you didn't like. I remember getting one in sixth grade from a girl that I've known since kindergarten. It had a fish in a bowl on it & said something to the effect of "Drop me a line." On the back, the girl, in an effort to make sure I didn't get the wrong idea, I suppose, wrote "I don't really mean what the card says on the front."

Yeah, thanks for the head's up.

Anyway, you finally reach junior high & the holiday becomes a bit more exclusive - if you had yourself a steady sweetie, you were in the club & received a card. If not...well, you just kinda sat there & acted like you didn't care (even though you secretly hoped that one would make its way to you). Pathetic, yes?

I was never a member of that elite little club, either through fate or my own blindness to the vibes being sent out by a few girls. One girl in particular, who was my best friend, in fact, had warm & squishy feelings for me, which I didn't catch on to & only found out about it after we'd graduated. And even after that I waited too long & she ended up marrying someone else.

It seemed that I always had a girl "friend", but never a girlfriend, that hung out with me when I was in school. I remember being asked numerous times by the guys if so-&-so & I were an item & replying with a "No - are you kidding?", as if they'd asked me if I was dating my sister. The thing is, these chums of the female persuasion were not unattractive by any stretch of the imagination. But, like so many of the main characters of various John Hughes movies, I was always looking toward the cheerleader or the popular girl (which, given the size of my school, was pretty much any girl besides my friends), never noticing that the girl who sat with me in every class was right there waiting for me to come to my senses. The one that sat with me at lunch everyday. The one that leaned her head on my shoulder. The one that laughed & made up silly words & phrases & laughed at the jocks with me & was there for me when I was down & who I was there for in return. Just waiting for me to see them as more than just a friend.

Cripes, I was dense.

I have since been blessed, as you all know, with the most wonderful woman that I could've hoped for. She's everything I could ask for & more. There's no doubting that she's the one that I'd been searching & waiting & asking the Good Lord above for. I guess my school years were preparing me, in a way. Teaching me patience or something like that. Goodness knows I needed a few lessons. Once again, I have someone who sits with me in this class known as Life 101. I have a person who'll sit with me at lunch as often as we can get together. One that leans her head on my shoulder. One who laughs & picks up on my silly words & phrases (I've even got her using the word "craptacular"). There's not so many jocks around to laugh at anymore (except that weird guy who sells fitness tapes on cable), but she's quick to help me make fun of the foibles of celebrities. She's there for me when I'm down & I am there for her in return. She is my best friend, but she doesn't have to wait fo me to see her as more than just a friend.

I love you, Beautiful.

Wow...this post turned out better than I'd expected!

GRRRRR...

I had a great post that I'd been writing over the past few days all written & formatted & ready to go. Until Blogger lost it.

ARRRRRRRGH!!!!!

I'll try again later.

MLCotW PSA

Never, EVER, under any circumstances, scratch your nose after cutting up Serrano chilis.

The results are not pleasant. At all. As the five alarm fire that broke out in my nasal cavity can attest to. I thank the Good Lord above that I didn't follow through on taking out my contact lenses as I had planned to do at the time.

Oh, & don't try stuffing ketchup up your nose in an attempt to extinquish the nuclear pepper induced conflagration.

Just trust me on that one.

It's A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood

I have neighbors. Living in an apartment complex, that's to be expected. They are surprisingly quiet neighbors. I hear the most minimal of TV/stereo noise coming from them, which is quite the nice change from the ones that I had a couple years ago. It was a man & his twenty-one year old son. The man worked until about two in the morning. His son, on the other hand, had parties every night, consisting of loud noise, cigarettes & people yelling & swearing at each other. That was finally taken care of with a few phone calls from around the complex.

The two sets of neighbors that I share walls with now are fairly courteous &, as mentioned before, quiet. My only complaint with the next door neighbor is that he smokes. And, of course, this isn't done in his apartment, oh no. Wouldn't want to go stinking up his place. Instead, he would rather sit on his patio & let the smoke waft into our unit. I think my going to the back door & saying, rather loud, "Great! Gorgo the Smogmonster is smoking on the porch again!" before I slam the door shut has started getting the point across. I haven't noticed the smell as much.

My downstairs neighbors, they being the ones with the affinity for curry, are quiet as well. I don't see the parents around much, so I kinda suspect that they got the apartment for their two sons & stay from time to time to keep up appearances. The kids are quiet, though, & I've only had to ask them once to turn down the music. The thing that drives me nuts with them (besides the stench of curry always coming up through the floor) has to do with the plumbing in our apartments. You see, when they turn on their bath, it sounds like freakin' Niagra Falls in our bedroom. The good news is that they turn on the shower almost immediately, which is much quieter (unlike the previous neighbors, who would leave the water running to warm up for a few minutes before the got into the shower). The bad new is -

These people take approximately fifty-seven showers a day.

I'm not kidding.

They shower in the morning. They shower in the early afternoon. They shower in the midafternoon. They shower in the early evening & then again later in the evening. Then, just to make sure they didn't miss anything, I guess, they shower again at night. And then again just after midnight. And let's not forget all of the midmorning, mid-midmorning, preafternoon, pre-midafternoon, post-pre-midafternoon, five minutes 'til evening, preevening, post-preevening, pre-post-preevening, prenight, post-prenight, it's-10 o'clock-&-I-haven't-taken-a-shower-in-the-past-five-minutes, premidnight, post-pre-post-pre-two-minutes-to-midnight & the ah-what-the-heck-let's-take-one-more showers taken inbetween. When the whole family's home, there's four of them doing this bathing routine.

I don't know if they figure that since the water is paid for by the complex they'll stock up on showers or what. Maybe they're amphibious aliens who absorb water through their skin. I dunno. But they have got to be the cleanest people I've ever met. They freakin' squeak when they walk by.

And despite all of the scrub-a-dub-dubbing, they still smell like curry.

Wow...

It is really hard to type once the Vicodin kicks in.

More to come later. Right mow now (See what I mean?), my arms feel like they weigh a ton. It makes for difficult typing.

"Just relax & you won't feel a thing...

until I jam this down your throat!" - Dr. Nick Riviera, The Simpsons

Yup. Today's the day. I'm going to the dentist (who sort of reminds me of Dr. Nick, if he were a short Indian/Pakistani man) to get the ol' wisdom teefs yanked.

I'm sure you can imagine my excitement.

I was told to come in on a semi-full stomach. I'm thinking, though, that with the hairtrigger gag reflex that I was blessed with, that may not be a good idea. Oh well. I'll be relaxing, having nitrous induced hallucinations, so I don't think I'll really be too worried about it at the time.

I'll try to post all the gory details later. I may be trying to write through a painkiller cloud, but, I will try nonetheless.

Goodbye, wisdom teefs. I've enjoyed the many years of food chewing service that you've provided me. You will be missed.

Ooo-ooo, That Smell...

There is a weird, funky smell about the casa. A weird, funky smell that neither T nor The Boy can seem to smell. It smells like someone held a belching contest in the hallway (I know of such things from high school). I'm beginning to wonder if I'm losing my senses, starting with smell.

Or perhaps it's the curry factory that my downstairs neighbors have set up. Seriously, people - how much freakin' curry do you need to cook with?

Happy 5150th, Mr. Van Halen

Eddie Van Halen turned 50 today.

Cripes, I'm getting old.

Go Me!

It's only taken twenty-five days for me to stop typing 2004 on my documents.

I so rock!

(It was a slow day at work)

It's Not All Bad, Though...

Even though I'll probably not be in the best of spirits or feel much like hitting any all-you-can-eat buffets for a few days after the extractions, I do have on hand a dozen new cheesy movie DVD's that I bought last weekend. They can only get better once I pop a few painkillers!

Although, watching movies about a giant flying turtle or people dressed as starfish-shaped cloth aliens (I kid you not) might be a little much for my drug-addled brain. Better take it easy.

McMasochistic

I have an appointment to have my wisdom teeth removed this Thursday. It's something that I've put off since, oh...about 1992. I've used many excuses to get out of the procedure (heart murmur, allergic to retarded amounts of pain, just not up for a self-inflicted torture session, etc). But, one of the teeth has a cavity, so I guess I can't put it off any longer.

I'm thinking that my body is trying to tell me something along the lines of "Look, either get these things pulled or I'll start disolving them on my own."

Little does my body know that I'm probably not going to feel like eating for a couple days. Take that, gastrointestinal system!

Hey Nineteen

I saw this over at Amy's & decided to give it a whirl. I think it explains a bit about me.

You Are 19 Years Old

19 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Happy Birthday, Amy!

Many cookies will be consumed in honor of your day!

Further Proof That The Gene Pool Needs Some Chlorine

Another email from work (collect 'em all, kiddies!)

From: XXXX
Sent: Friday, January 14, 2005 12:05 PM
To: Jay
Subject: Shipping Question

Hello Jay,

Can we ship economy surface to Hawaii? I received a web order that is cc prepaid and I thought I would ask. It's only $3.12 is that right?

I almost responded with "No, there is no surface delivery to Hawaii. It's too hard to keep the trucks from sinking into the water."

Ugh...my head a splode...

The Music Meme

I was invited to do this by ETS. And who am I to turn down a musically themed invite, eh?

1. What is the total amount of music files on your computer?
994. I ripped most of those from CD's that I sold (it was either have some rockin' discs or put gas in the car)

2. The cd you last bought is:
I bought the following as Christmas gifts:
Toby Mac - Welcome To Diverse City
Switchfoot - The Beautiful Letdown
Maroon 5 - Songs About Jane

3. What is the song you last listened to before reading this message?
U2 - Trying To Throw Your Arms Around The World

4. Write down 5 6 songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you:
This is a hard one. Lessee...

Randy Travis - Forever & Ever Amen Probably the only song that I can decently sing to T. It's a simple song, but it expresses so much.

Eva Cassidy - At Last & Anniversary Song - More songs for my wife, who turned me on to Eva Cassidy. We played her rendition of At Last at our wedding. And the last verse of Anniversary Song is a perfect picture of how I'd love to end every day with her. (Awww!)

Don Henley - The Boys Of Summer - My all-time favorite song. To me, the song creates a certain atmosphere that I can't really explain. It reminds me of a time not so long ago & of people that have passed through my life.

Pink Floyd - Dark Side Of The Moon - I know, this is an entire album, but I do love it so & I can't listen to just one song when I pop it in the player. To me, it sounds like what a slow decent into insanity would sound like. It's dark & cold (much like the dark side of the moon...hmm). But, it's also warm & comforting. One of the most perfect albums ever made.

Grant Lee Buffalo - The Shallow End - An awesome song. Laid back, delicate sounding - perfect for a candlelit night.

5. Who are you going to pass this stick to? (3 persons) and why?
Well, since the only other people that I have any contact with in the Blogsphere already have posted this on their sites, I guess the stick is stopping here. Unless any of you lurking Loyal Readers want to run with this. Feel free to.

Interactive Blogging

OK...so, I've been thinking of an idea for a little bit of interaction between me, your witty, strikingly handsome & oh so terribly modest host & you, my dear Loyal Readers (who I'm sure are witty, striking & modest - just not as much as me). What follows is a part of a story. From this story, you who have sites (& of course, those of you who choose to participate) will continue the story, leaving a link to your contribution in the comments section of the site that you're continuing from & a link back in your post to MLCotW (or whatever site you might have found the previous story fragment at). Those who don't have sites can join in on the fun by sending your story fragment to me. Oh, &...

We're going to be writing it backwards. Meaning, I'm going to kick this thing off from the end of the story & you will be adding the paragraph/section/chapter before it. And anyone who links to your site will be contributing the part previous to that.

Have I thoroughly confused you yet? Good. All I ask, as far as any kind of rules go, is that we maintain a fair modecum of class with this venture. I realize that you can write whatever you want on your individual sites, but we're not writing a Harlequin Romance novel here. And, I'll try to put all of the various strings together in a post here (with kudos applied where due), but, this being my site, I will reserve the right to edit as I see fit anything that will be written here. If you're not sure, ask yourself "What Would Jay Do?".

Any questions? Good.

Off we go...

Jason woke the next morning - or maybe it was the afternoon. It could've been next week, for all he knew. He was sure of one thing, though - he felt like he'd just gone twelve rounds with a rabid Mike Tyson & lost. Badly.

He tried getting up out of bed, but found that his feet were tangled up in the sheets. He rolled out of the bed, hitting the hard, unforgiving wooden floor with a thud. After he freed his feet from their binding, he groped around the clothing scattered across the floor. He found his favorite shirt, the bright yellow one bearing the likeness of a chupacabra with the words "Chupa This!" emblazoned in red, three inch high letters across the chest. Why (or where) he purchased this fashion mistake, he couldn't remember. Even stranger than the fact that he owned such an atrocity was the fact that, even though he "knew" this was his favorite shirt, he was sure he'd never seen it before.

Making his way into the kitchen for a bowl of cereal, he stopped to pet the dog. The friendly little beagle wagged her tail, obviously anticipating a full bowl herself. It occured to him, while tending to the dog, that he couldn't remember ever actually owning a dog. He knew this dog - recognized it as "his." But, he could swear that he'd never seen the dog before this morning.

Puzzled by these weird, deja vu-ish feelings, he went to the cabinet to get a cup. "Maybe a bit of caffiene is all I need," he thought. Opening the cabinet, he instinctively reached for a cup shaped like a cow. Black & white, four legs, its tail curved into a handle, even an udder on the bottom of it. It showed signs of many years of use - chips along the rim, paint worn off. He examined the cup, "knowing" that this was his favorite cup, but couldn't recall seeing it before then.

"Lousy short-term memory...," he mumbled. "I've gotta start writing stuff down."

Seeing the notepad on the dining table, he started flipping through the pages.

"Seems I've been pretty busy lately."

Fat, Stupid Customses

I received this email at work today. Apparently, Gollum works for one of our distributors:

Dear XXXX:
We have already received the package & DHL has been paid. It was an error of the customses of Ecuador.

Customses wants the Precious for themselves. Nasty, stupid customses!

Rainy Days & Mondays

It has been raining here, everyday, for about four thousand, seven hundred & twenty days straight. Everywhere...everything...everybody is sopping wet. I can feel a bout of Seasonal Affective Depression coming on, I've forgotten what the sun looks like & I'm starting to get ricketts.

And they say more is on the way tonight & tomorrow, which I find impossible because there couldn't possibly be any more water left in the atmosphere. How do I know this, you ask?

Because I've absorbed it all into my shoes from all of the puddles I keep stepping in!

One Down

I'm thinking that having slices of a Hickory Farms beef stick covered with mozzarella cheese for dinner is not the best way to keep my one resolution for the year.

Because You Asked For It

Well, more because I finally got around to it. Here it is, Loyal Readers -

The Hollywood Geekout Picture



I so wanted to keep that blaster!

Hello. My name is Jay & I'm a geek.

Hello, 2005!

Good day & welcome to 2005 at MLCotW!

This past year has been one of much change, adjustment & growth. As 2004 began, T & I were still in different timezones (I'm sure she got tired of me asking her what the future was like, but she never let on. Such a good wife!). She moved out of her apartment & back into the familiar walls of her childhood home in February. Moving back in with your parents after being on your own for the past fifteen years is indeed a strange adjustment, as T found out. They all survived, though, and it gave them a few months to spend together before -

The Wedding

It was a beautiful, perfect labor of love. It was everything a wedding should be. To all of our beloved friends and family who helped with the festivities - thank you and bless you. Without you, well, we would still be married…but the journey there would not have been so memorable.

After a short honeymoon in Hot Springs, the less pleasant (but memorable, nonetheless) journey to California in a U-Haul with T's car in tow began. A thousand-plus miles, six new u-haul tires, one new car tire, one very questionable motel, more k-rails than we ever knew existed, an unfortunate right turn in a parking lot & subsequent drive through a field & enough gasoline bought to theoretically travel to the moon and back - we arrived home.

That was 8 months ago & we are still in a state of transition. Leaving home was harder than T had ever imagined it would be. However, she has resolved to look at California as one big adventure. It's strange for her to be so close to so many famous places and points of interest (some of which has been new to me, too). We’ve already discovered the breathtaking beauty of Santa Barbara, the eccentric streets of Hollyweird, the sunset on the Santa Monica pier, and the hills of San Diego. Unfortunately, we’ve also discovered the indescribable poverty of Tijuana, the equally foul-smelling Rosarito, and the daily mayhem of the parking lot we so lovingly call the freeways of California. She's added a few new California words to her lexicon: smog (aka chewable air), CRV (a tax they put on every canned or bottled drink to "encourage" recycling), swamp cooler (something that few from the South have ever heard of, much less have any use for), & probably the most famous of words known to native Cali's - no, not "face-lift" - EARTHQUAKE! T's also getting used to the ridiculously high cost of living out here. Slowly. Baby steps, Loyal Readers, baby steps.

The Insta-Family (Just add water!) that we've become has been both a challenge and a blessing. The Boy's a wonderful child, but like every other ten year old to ever walk the earth, he has his moments. We simply can't wait for the teen years to arrive. No, really, we just can't...aw, nevermind. Even I can't maintain that level of denial. Pray for us.

On Labor Day, we were blessed to have one of T's friends come and stay with us for a few days. It was so really good for T to have a familiar face around. We explored the streets of Hollywood (& I had my little geekout) & the splendor of Beverly Hills. We’re all trying to forget Mexico, though. It seems the further we go into the country, the worse it gets. I think I now understand why people go there & then promptly get drunk.

We celebrated our first Thanksgiving together as a couple & hosted the shindig at our home. Everything was perfect, &, with the help of T's mom (Thank goodness for flat rate long distance plans!), it all went off without a hitch.

At the beginning of December, we flew back to Arkansas for the first time since the wedding. Seeing T's dad running towards us with his arms thrown wide open at the airport & giving us a hug that I was sure would seperate my head from my shoulders was something we'll never forget. She's really missed home & this trip was as much about her morale as it was about making a new holiday for Hallmark to sully. That weekend, her (well mine, too, now) entire family descended her mom and dad’s house for the first annual “Thanksmas.” It was a celebration of family and friends. We got to see her brother & sister-in-law's newest addition to their family for the first time. For being almost two months early, nearly all the preemie troubles seem to be subsiding. Their older son is enjoying being a big brother. We also travelled to see T's sister & brother-in-law's new home (which, according to my sister-in-law, is just down the street from where our home will be when we move out there). They finally have a house big enough to hold all six (!) of them. Unfortunately, we arrived there at night, so I didn't get to see much of the town. I did get to see the illustrous "Kum & Go", which - contrary to what the name implies (you perverts) - is actually a quickie mart.

Now that I look at it, the adjective "quickie" doesn't make it sound any better.

On that note, we say “adios” to 2004 and “hola” to 2005. May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make his face to shine upon you. And give you peace. And be gracious unto to you all.

PS - I just couldn't forget to mention, either, two friends that I made over this past year, via MLCotW - ETS & Amy. Thank you both for filling in when I've been gone, leaving me the keys to your castles when you've been away (& letting me keep them even when you're there) & for just being all around nifty friends.

I'll raise a couple of T's pan cookies & a glass of milk in your honor, ladies!

*Note - This is what you could call T & my first writing collaboration. Most of this came from her Holiday update letter sent out to friends & family. A few modifications from me turned it into what it is on the site.

Fana(n)tics

As you may know, I live in a state that requires the constant use of heaters, both large and small. I have three in my office at the present time, although I can only use one at any given moment due to the fact that everyone else on my fuse uses their heaters as well, and if I plugged in the other two it would pop the breaker within seconds.

Yes, I speak from experience.

In any case, before we got into the heaviest part of our cold season, I was using my little miniature heater. It came with low, high and fan settings so that I could use it in the summer when it got above 60 degrees and we were melting. Which is all well and good but, as mentioned, it's darned cold here right about now, so the last thing I was about to do was to put that puppy on the fan setting, you know?

So one morning earlier this month I got to work relatively early, turned the heater onto high, and I dived into the daily tasks that make up the job that I am not so enamoured of as of late. Except...as the day went on it seemed to get colder and colder in my office. Upon my return from lunch I left my coat on. Several times throughout the afternoon and early evening I left my office to linger in the department, which was so much warmer than my office was. But it wasn't just my office.

The department was frigid as well, and my co-workers were freezing, too. However, we chalk it up to the venting system; it seems that when it's warm upstairs, the vents blow cold air on us, and vice versa, and the vents? They were blowing cold air a-plenty by five o'clock that afternoon! In contrast to how the department felt to our shivering bodies, we would leave the department periodically simply to stand in the hallway, because crossing the threshold brought such a change in temperature that our skin breathed a sigh of relief the second our feet hit the linoleum.

At the end of the day, still shivering miserably and cursing the venting system above me, I leaned down to turn off my little heater only to find...the setting had been on "fan" all day long and, therefore, it had been filling my office with cold air, blown directly at where I was sitting while doing my work.

I laughed, of course. This seemed to be something that I would do, and since it was, there was no point in getting mad, right? So I left my office and pointed it out to the co-worker, who immediately started laughing - she had just leaned down to turn off her heater and found that it had been on the fan setting, too!

As we were laughing, our co-worker waaaaaay down at the end of the hall popped her head into the department to see what was so gosh-durned funny, and once we'd informed her of the hilarity-inducing circumstances, she began to laugh as well - because she had found her heater on the fan setting, too!

At that point we conducted an office-wide survey only to find that every single heater in the office had been set to "fan" that day. Not a one had performed its proper heating function!

We all laughed some more (because it warmed us up, you see), and people just chalked it up to one of the early birds playing a prank, but I know the truth. Since I have to click past the fan setting to turn on the heat, I set the trend this morning by stopping mid-way, and the rest of the heaters? They just followed suit. That's the whole story right there.

The people I work with? Someday they'll learn exactly how powerful I am.

Someday....


(Posted by ETS, as a Christmas present and to make up for the fact that she reneged on an agreement to guest-post during Thanksmas!)

A Quick Holiday Greeting

Here's to hoping you & yours, Loyal Readers (who I hope are still loyal, despite MLCotW being bereft of the normal flow of new posts lately), have had a wonderful, super spectacular & mega-nifty Christmas.

T & I have spent a wonderfully quiet day together (The Boy's with the ex today), sticking to our vow to stay in our jammies today (I'm so digging my new Homer Simpson lounge pants! Woo hoo!), watching newly acquired movies & listening to the new Maroon 5 & Switchfoot. Well, the fairly new Maroon 5 & Switchfoot.

T just commented that we've been fairly lazy today. To which I responded -

Yes. Yes, we have.

Merry Christmas all!

Yes, I'm Back

And have been since Monday. But, due to illness, sleepyheadedness & feeling all around blah about things, the posting's been light. I'll get some interesting nuggets of the fun & excitement that is my life here soon.

Until then, have a cookie.

Gingerbread contest

My work is having a gingerbread house building contest. Each team gets a house making kit. Rules are this: Use anything you want as long as it is edible. You can bring pieces premade...but the majority of the assembly has to be done during the two hour contest. We have a little team...originally called Team IT...we now call ourselves the IT girls...because there are two IT teams. Anyway...today we had a the first of two planning meetings.

We decided on a theme...we are building "santa's barn". There will be marshmellow reindeer (my department) and other animals...we are going to slap licorice on the sides of the house to make it a barn..with graham cracker doors...snowy bales of hay (frosted shredded wheat)...a stone walk (necco) and a tiled roof (nilla wafers). Of course...this may be a lofty goal because of the three of us...none of us have even built a gingerbread house...ever...and only one of us has even decorated one. The houses will then be used as centerpieces for the university holiday party...wish us luck...hopefully I will have some pictures over at BADGROOVE...contest is THURSDAY...wish us luck...we want that pizza party!!! I am sure we won't win...but we will have fun trying!!!

Posted by: Guest Author: Amy of Badgroove

Thanksmas recipe


Since our beloved J and T are celebrating Thanksmas with family I thought I would share a yummy recipe. This recipe is sooo easy and delicious...I thought you would enjoy it:

DUMP CAKE:

2-3 cans of pie filling (any kind will work...pumpkin, apple or blueberry are my favorites)
1 package of yellow cake mix (spice cake works well too- especially with pumpkin filling)
1 cup of pecans, chopped
1 1/2 sticks of butter, melted

Spread the pie filling in bottom of greased 9x13 pan. Spread DRY cake mix evenly over all. Pour melted butter over all- as evenly as possible. Sprinkle nuts over the top. Bake for 30-40 minutes in 350ºF. oven.

From the kitchen of: AMY

A Merry Thanksmas To All!

Tomorrow, T & I are heading back to Arkansas to celebrate the First Annual Thanksmas Day (Can something really be a "First Annual"? Doesn't "annual" imply that it's happened once before, therefore making it not the "first", but a subsequent celebration of the festivities? Inquiring minds want to know.). Since being in Arkansas would require an insane amount of extention cords for my computer to come along with us, I've left the keys to the kingdom that is MLCotW in the hands of the lovely & talented Miss Amy of Badgroove fame & Miss ETS of Echoes Of A Dream.

Play nice & have a cookie or three while I'm away. There's milk in the fridge.

Ahhhh!!! It Burns!!!

*This was actually posted a few days ago, but Blogger ate it. I guess it's sick of Christmas music, too - Jay

Today's the first day that we've started listening to Christmas music on the radio. I've heard the same five songs about seventy gazillion times now. And the worst of them all?

Anything by Manheim Steamroller.

I'm feeling nauseated.

Excuse me while I go drive letter openers into my ears.

Holiday Cooking Tip

I know, this just missed Thanksgiving (which is when I remembered it), but, hey - I'm sure more than a few of you might be making goodies for Christmas. Besides, this tip can be used year round.

Cooking Tip: If you don't have an electric hand blender & those potatoes are just refusing to mash, take a spoon or fork with a flat handle, attach to an electric drill & - Voila! Potatoes a la Black & Decker!

blOgS rAWk!!!

I decided to try the "Next Blog" button at the top of my page, just to see what's going on out there & where ol' Blogger might take me.

I've now seen enough blogs in Spanish/Swahili/poorly written English, blogs written by junior high school girls & sites where pEEps tHiNk iT's kEWl 2 wRiTe lIkE tHIs to last me a lifetime. In fact, I think I might just throw up if I run across another black backgrounded, tiny pink fonted assault on my senses.

I did, however come across a few with some potential. V Stands For Vampire, Mike's Blog, & The A Files are three that I stumbled across that a) have something interesting to read, b) are well written & c) hAvE nO tEXt LiKe tHIs.

Give 'em a looksee, Loyal Readers, & see what you think.

I did a little Christmas shopping...

...but not for who you'd expect. No, I haven't shopped for T yet. And we've gotten most of The Boy's schtuff bought. T's also taken care of most everyone in both of our families.

No, the gift I have to offer is for a bunch of complete strangers. People I've never met. Nay, not even a glance have I laid upon them. This gift is for all of the people who went shopping on Black Friday, particularly the one's who went shopping where T works.

For all of you people who lined up outside the store, some many hours before the doors opened at 530a, in hopes of getting a jump on the season's shopping & maybe getting a few deals in the process; for the countless multitudes that literally ran into the store, looking for the specially priced DVD players; for those of you who crabbed & complained & swore at my wife because you & several thousand others with wet sand for brains couldn't understand why it was taking so long to get through the checkout line; for those of you who acted like imbeciles because the store only had a hundred DVD players in stock & to you who tried to blame the store for keeping you in line & making you buy more crap that you or whomever you bought it for really didn't need, I give you all -

A boot to the head. Or a kick in the groin.

Your choice.

Shoot, if you ask nicely, I might just give you both. I'm just that freakin' swell of a fella.

In fact, if I'm out doing my shopping, or if I stop in to my wife's store & hear you kvetching about how crowded the place is, I'll give you repeated boots & kicks & perhaps, if I'm feeling reeeeally generous, a general pummeling about the face & upper body.

No need to thank me, either. Your groans & cries are thanks enough for me.

Nimrods.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Have a wonderful holiday, Loyal Readers!

And, my most sincere condolences to the Turkey family. Your sacrifice was tasty was greatly appreciated.

Y'know how they say it never rains in Southern California?

Well, they (whoever "they" are) didn't say anything about snow.

Yes, you read that right. Snow. In Southern California. And lots of it. Not just a little "dusting." No, no, no. It's a couple inches deep. From here all the way out to where my mom lives, which is about forty miles from here & in the flatlands. It's too heavy for the trees & they're falling over all around us. Even the poor palm trees don't know what to do (plenty of pix have been taken of a truly So Cal event - a palm tree covered with snow).

In my thirty-three years on this planet, I've never seen it snow. I've been in it. I've romped & played & skiied & thrown the odd snowball or two. But to see it actually floating down out of the heavens? Nope. And, I never expected to see it coming down while I lived in the Valley. I mean, Yucaipa does sit up higher than the rest of the San Bernardino Valley, but we still are (normally) too low to get anything. It just doesn't happen here, Loyal Readers.

So, T has now gotten to see me get all happy about seeing live, wild deer & become a complete goof because it snowed.

Thank you, Global Warming! This has been fun.

Trailers

A wee little review of the trailers from Friday night.

First up, "Cars", another Pixar movie that I have, strangely enough, not heard anything of. I don't know if they didn't want to steal any of "The Incredibles" thunder or what, but this was the first that I'd seen of it. And personally, it doesn't look all that great. It looks almost like "Toy Story" (which was great), except with talking cars. Maybe once I know a little more about it, it'll grow on me.

Next, the SpongeBob Squarepants movie. Oh boy. A little SpongeBob goes a loooong way. I'm suddenly a little glad that the ex has The Boy when that movie opens. I'm sure she'll have him there to see the first showing, but I won't have to be sitting in a theatre full of kids singing the SpongeBob theme.

Moving on to "Christmas With the Kranks". Did Tim Allen lose a bet or something? Was making this movie part of some community service he had to do? Ugh! This movie looks bad. Bad bad. Bad bad bad bad bad. The TV ads are totally misleading. Not that they were making me want to see it in the first place. They make it look like the Kranks are a couple of Scrooge-y, Christmas hating humbugs. Actually, they are quite the opposite. But, when their daughter leaves for the holidays, the Kranks decide to take a vacation themselves & don't decorate their home the way the rest of the neighbors do (the whole neighborhood looks like the Griswald's house in "Christmas Vacation", although without Randy Quaid in his bathrobe emptying out his motorhome's waste tank - classic Christmas schtuff their, Loyal Readers!). That much is shown on the TV spots. What they neglect to tell you is that hijinks ensue when the daughter comes home unexpectedly & the Kranks rush to deck the halls before she arrives. I'm sure there's some warm & fuzzy moral to the whole thing, but I don't think I'll be around to find out.

I can't believe I just spent all that time describing this stinkburger.

Now, to cleanse the pallette, on to the good schtuff - yes, Loyal Readers...the Episode III trailer.

Oh. My. Stars. And. Garters! This movie may make up, for a lot of people, the whole Jar Jar Binks thing. Maybe even the Ewoks. Even though I haven't been a big fan of the Hayden Christensen Anakin (he looks about as menacing as a hangnail & I reeeeally thought that adding him to the end of Return of the Jedi was quite unnecessary - & just a little unnnatural), he looks like he's going to be a baaaad man, what with his eyes glowing red & all. Darth Sidious/Palpatine/the Emperor looks all nasty & eee-vil & ravaged by the Dark Side & then...oooooh boy...Darth freakin' Vader. With James Earl Jones' voice. That deep voice with the breathing sounds. Boyohboyohboyohboy! Yoda's looking like he's ready to open a can of Jedi Whup 'em on someone (gee, I wonder who?), but I don't remember any scenes with the galaxy's baddest feather plucker, Mace Windu. And something tells me that Princess Leia went to the same intergalactic beauty salon that her mommy went to, as Padme' is sporting the "space buns" 'do that Leia had in the original "Star Wars". Yes, I'll admit, it looks as silly as it did the first time. But, I do not care, Loyal Readers, for I am a loyal devotee' to to series, good or bad. I will be there, big geeky grin on my face, bouncing up & down in my seat when those words show up on the screen:

"A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away..."

If there were anymore trailers, I can't remember 'em. I think I blanked out until the movie started.

Weekend Wrap-Up

It was, for the most part, a nice weekend. As well as the aforementioned trip to see "The Incredibles" (& the megacool showing of the Episode III trailer - I still giggle like a schoolgirl when I think about it), I took The Boy to a last minute birthday party on Saturday at Pharaoh's (a local minigolf/arcade/amusement park with an Egyptian theme), went up to Oak Glen for lunch (& some fresh hot apple cider & apple pie, of course) after church with The Boy & T & then, made a stop by the local thrift/estate sale store to see what new treasures were in stock.

All in all, a good, fun weekend.

And how was yours?

About Me

I was at work & bored (what else is new?). So, because of that, I decided to subject treat you to a meme list. Probably not a "One Hundred Things About Me" list, because I don't think I could find one hundred interesting things about me to share with you. I'm just not all that fascinating, people.

So, I present to you the "Open Ended List of Things About Me" list.

Ta daa!

1. I'm a Southern Californian, born & bred.
2. I've lived my whole life in & around the same area.
3. I had no desire to ever leave the state until I met my wife.
4. Now, I can't wait until we can move to Arkansas.
5. I love the desert.
6. Not too keen on being cold.
7. Despite this fact, I've tried snowskiing twice.
8. Both times were more like semi-controlled sliding than actual skiing.
9. Despite that fact, I want to try it again.
10. Although I was not accident prone as a child (keeping the Band-Aid & Bactine companies in business was my little sister's job), I received fourteen stitches over the course of several accidents while growing up, & two more since reaching adultedness.
11. When I hurt myself, I made it worth the trip to the hospital.
12. I have two sisters & two & a half brothers.
13. I don't know which half my half-brother is. If you see a pair of legs running around somewhere, that may well be my half-brother.
14. Tens run in my family. My uncle is ten years older than my older sister; my brother is ten years older than me; I'm ten years older than my oldest niece; her sister is exactly ten years older than my son.
15. That probably interested me far more than it did anyone else.
16. I had my artwork put out for the public to see for the first (& so far, only) time in first grade.
17. I made a greeting card to the city of Colton, CA that was blown up & put on a billboard.
18. The only instruction that the teacher gave us was that we couldn't put "Merry Christmas Colton" on it.
19. I'll give you three guesses as to what I wrote on mine.
20. I made my mom drive past the billboard almost everyday for two weeks before it was put up.
21. I was a stubborn child.
22. I haven't gotten any better about that as I've aged.
23. I've passed that trait on to my son. Heaven help us all.
24. I've never drank, smoked or done drugs. Which is probably a really good thing given my stubbornness.
25. I'm a Star Wars geek (big newsflash there).
26. I've seen the original Star Wars well over two hundred fifty times.
27. I didn't date in high school.
28. I'll bet you can figure out why.
29. I played bass in a punk band when I was in the service.
30. I was married to my ex at the time so I couldn't test the theory that chicks dig guys in bands.
31. We never played anywhere other that the guitarist's garage, so I guess that was a moot point anyway.
32. I was in a video for Great White's "Call It Rock & Roll".
33. Actually, the place where I was standing went black as the boom camera panned over, so you can't really see me.
34. I've hated that song ever since.
35. Not because of the lousy camera angle, mind you, but because I found out that when a group films a "concert" video, they play the song about fifty-eight gajillion times. Close to the end of the show, the stage banter went something like:
Singer: Hey! Do ya wanna hear Call It Rock & Roll again?!?
Crowd: No!!! We want you to stop playing that song!!! Unlock the doors & let us leave!!!
36. I hate clowns.
37. And balloons.
38. And I really hate balloon making clowns. Pure, unadulterated eee-vil, I tells ya.
39. In grade school, I taught myself to write left handed, in part to impress a girl who was left handed (again, you wonder why I didn't date in school?), but more importantly, in case I broke my right hand. I neither got the girl (she moved) nor have I ever had to use my emergency back up handwriting contingency plan.
40. I would say that's a good thing.
41. This list went on longer than I thought it would.
42. I would say that's a good thing, too.

Movie Review

We just got back from seeing "The Incredibles". My opinion?

It was wicked!

You'll have to see the movie to fully appreciate the review.

The one thing better than the movie itself?

A preview of Episode III: Rise of the Sith.

Be still, my geeky l'il heart! My geekout while watching the trailer was on par with the recent Hollywood Stormtrooper geekout: bouncing in my seat, dorky grin across my face, hair on the back of my neck standing on end. Even The Boy, who got a little geeky over the SpongeBob Squarepants trailer, scooted away from me.

But, I do not care. I am a Star Wars geek & proud of it!

Four More Years

Look at it this way, ye of the Democratic persuasion - in four years, it'll have to be someone other than Bush.

Unless Jeb runs for office.

Or W declares himself Lord Grand Poobah for Life of the United States.

Groan...

Like a kid who's filled up on too much Halloween candy, I've ingested waaaay too many horror movies & ghost themed TV shows this past month. It's a good thing that it's November, because I don't know if I could handle many more shows about haunted hotels & movies about killer houses/teenagers/axe murderers/etc. I did have oodles of fun MST3K'ing the movies, though. That's always a good thing.

I'm surprised that T didn't up & leave mid-month.

Now, we get to overdose on cooking shows in preparation for the big chowdown at the end of the month (being hosted at our house this year).

Ohhh...my stomach!

Anywhere But Here

As I write this, it's a little after 1030a. It seems like I've been at work a lot longer than two & a half hours. I woke up this morning with this intense desire to spend my day anywhere other than at work. I so envy ETS & her relaxationizing that she's taking part in. I, myself, have to wait another month or so to take a much needed break. Until then, though, one thing I need to do is to get out & about. Away from everything, even if it's just for a little bit.

Those that know me know that I'm not a people person. There are only a handful of people that I truly enjoy being around or even talking to on a regular basis. The rest? I could go a looooong time without seeing them. But, alas, it seems impossible to get away from these people. Most of these people I don't even know.

My drive home from work used to be a nice relaxing drive through a beautiful canyon. Orange groves all over the place. Horse ranches. No crowds. Then, everyone else started to take the same route. I had to stop taking that route because the traffic would back up &/or I'd inevitably get a slowpoke in front of me. The curse of being Mr. Popularity - everyone wants to be like me. That sounds a bit egotistical, but that's how I feel a lot of the time. That people seem to want to be around me. Not egotistical. Wait...that still sounded egotistical. Oh well - so be it.

My drive to work is the same way now. As with most places in So Cal in the mornings, the freeways are a nightmare. I took to driving through another canyon (yes, we have a few of them in the area). Again, it was quiet, not crowded & no traffic. I could listen to music. It was my "morning prayer time" as well - time to prepare myself, mentally & spiritually, for the day. Now, I sit in a line a block long to get into the canyon & another one out the other side. It takes me twenty minutes to go less than ten miles. Then, it takes twenty-five minutes to get back in the evening. I can't stand it anymore.

When I am at home, it's hardly a quiet evening when I get to listen to bass booming up through the floor. And when it's not coming from inside the apartment below, it's from a car. To their credit, the kids downstairs are apologetic about the noise & are quick to turn it down. But why should I have to go down there in the first place? You live in a frickin' apartment, people! Your home is attached to mine. I do my best not to stomp on your ceiling - can you show me the same courtesy & not rattle my floor?

My other neighbor likes to sit on his patio & smoke - which then wafts into my apartment, making it so I either have to put a fan in front of the door to keep the smoke out or close the door altogether.

Work's not much better. If you've followed this site for a bit, you know that I share my office with two other people. Of course, I'm the only one who likes having the door closed. My cellmates want it left open, or part way open, or just open enough to annoy the crap out of me. Then, we have people coming in & out constantly. It's noisy here all the time, with forklifts & cherrypickers & loud people & phones going all the time.

I just want peace. I want quiet. I want calm.

Last night, T came home late in the evening. We got The Boy to bed & then sat & drank some hot chocolate, had some Grant Lee Buffalo playing in the background & just talked. We just enjoyed each others company. I've missed that a lot lately. With her work schedule, I barely get to see her or spend any quality time with her. Last Wednesday was the first day in a long time that we spent together, just doing things together. We went & had breakfast & then milled around the mall in San Bernardino. We drove up to Oak Glen & had some hot cider & apple pie & listened to good music while it rained (& snowed a few feet higher - literally). We saw some deer going into one of the apple orchards. We went to a thrift store & had fun looking around. It was just a good day. It was nice to have her by my side instead of over a phone line.

I want to go somewhere where it's not crowded. Where the people that you do run into are nice & pleasant. I don't want to see traffic. I don't want to hear the drone of cars. I don't want to be in this office, having to listen to horns & lifts & people. I want to be able to go home & not hear my neighbors. I want to be able to sit outside & smell the night air, not have my nose assaulted by cigarette smoke. I want home to be a comfortable, inviting place.

I guess I just need a change. I'm sick of the things that bug me. I'm tired of being beaten down by the world around me.

Vacation can't get here quick enough.